Social Anxiety Support

hmf22 · 01-04-2010, 04:43 PM

We've been dating a little over a month. He has no idea about my SA or that I'm going to counselling. I'm already scared that he's gonna wake up one day and realize he can do better than me and leave. I know that's probably not true, but it's still a huge fear for me right now. I feel like if I tell him about counselling, he would be even more prone to leave, but I don't want to keep lying to him about where I'm going. And if I do tell him I'm going to counselling, what do I tell him when he asks why? I'd rather not tell him about my SA yet, it's a little soon still. But I don't want to lie to him either, I wanna give him a least a semi-truthful answer. Or maybe I shouldn't even tell him at all? Any advice??

GnR · 01-04-2010, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hmf22

We've been dating a little over a month. He has no idea about my SA or that I'm going to counselling. I'm already scared that he's gonna wake up one day and realize he can do better than me and leave. I know that's probably not true, but it's still a huge fear for me right now. I feel like if I tell him about counselling, he would be even more prone to leave, but I don't want to keep lying to him about where I'm going. And if I do tell him I'm going to counselling, what do I tell him when he asks why? I'd rather not tell him about my SA yet, it's a little soon still. But I don't want to lie to him either, I wanna give him a least a semi-truthful answer. Or maybe I shouldn't even tell him at all? Any advice??

That's a tough one for sure. My first reaction would be to tell him, because obviously trust is huge for a relationship to work. Then I saw that you had only been dating for one month lol. Have you known him for a while? Ultimately I would still say just go with the truth as soon as you think a good opportunity appears. Lying never takes you anywhere good in the long run. You think it would scare him off?

millenniumman75 · 01-04-2010, 07:03 PM

Relationships are about communication and honesty - I would tell him if you feel comfortable enough. He must be a safe person, though.

marenubium87 · 01-04-2010, 07:21 PM

Telling him at some point is probably a good idea. Truth seems to always come out at some point and it's definitely better if it does on your terms.

laura024 · 01-04-2010, 07:24 PM

I think you should be honest with him about it. I bet he'll be more understanding than you think.

illlaymedown · 01-04-2010, 08:07 PM

I think in relationships honesty is best and safest. I wouldn't want to be with someone who'd leave cause of me telling him I had SA so I'd rather know the strength of the relationship a month in rather than a year when it's too deep and would hurt more if that were to cause complications.

01-04-2010, 04:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
hmf22 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Utah Gender: Female Posts: 165	Should I tell my boyfriend that I'm going to counselling? We've been dating a little over a month. He has no idea about my SA or that I'm going to counselling. I'm already scared that he's gonna wake up one day and realize he can do better than me and leave. I know that's probably not true, but it's still a huge fear for me right now. I feel like if I tell him about counselling, he would be even more prone to leave, but I don't want to keep lying to him about where I'm going. And if I do tell him I'm going to counselling, what do I tell him when he asks why? I'd rather not tell him about my SA yet, it's a little soon still. But I don't want to lie to him either, I wanna give him a least a semi-truthful answer. Or maybe I shouldn't even tell him at all? Any advice??

01-04-2010, 07:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Mentor Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton, OH Gender: Male Age: 37 Posts: 91,769	Relationships are about communication and honesty - I would tell him if you feel comfortable enough. He must be a safe person, though. __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better! TROLL ALERT STATUS: CHAT -> BERT FORUMS -> ERNIE (troll activity on the increase) WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE!

01-04-2010, 08:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
illlaymedown Status: The Tragic Princess Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tupelo, Mississippi Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 716	I think in relationships honesty is best and safest. I wouldn't want to be with someone who'd leave cause of me telling him I had SA so I'd rather know the strength of the relationship a month in rather than a year when it's too deep and would hurt more if that were to cause complications. __________________ "I feel like a helpless puppet being manipulated in some major scheme."~ Squall Leonhart "Sometimes a person has to be loved before they can become lovable."~Ravi Zacharias "As we have gotten more open-minded, we have become more closed-hearted." My avatar is my art...www.myspace.com/illlaymedown

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01-04-2010, 07:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
marenubium87 Status: Cosmic whale. Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Colorado, US Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 198	Telling him at some point is probably a good idea. Truth seems to always come out at some point and it's definitely better if it does on your terms.

01-04-2010, 07:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
laura024 Status: Pro-intellectualism Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 7,786	I think you should be honest with him about it. I bet he'll be more understanding than you think.