Seriously Need Some Help From You Guys

[JackTorrance]

Hey guys, I have some weird problem, I don't think it is SA, but whenever I search how I feel it leads to SA.

Anyway, I am REALLY not shy, in fact, before I started developing this weird problem, I was usually the most confident talkative centre-of-attention guy in all of my groups of friends. This is why this is SO upsetting to me, because I've just changed from that and it's making me so depressed.

I now have bad trouble trying to hold a conversation, if I can't think of anything to say, I get a REALLY horrible feeling, it's like if I can't think of anything to say then I'll explode or something. And that has RUINED my relationship with many friends in fact, and makes talking to most people a very very unpleasant experience. I always feel totally on edge, desperately trying to keep the conversation going, as you can imagine this is VERY distressing seeing as I am very extroverted and just want to be able to have enjoyable conversations with people like I used to until the last year or so. By the way I am 16 so might be hormones and ****, but I seriously can't ever see this getting better. I think I am going to have distressing conversations with everyone forever.

If anyone can actually help me, and make me NEVER EVER have to feel this way again, I will be SO SO SO happy and grateful, you can't imagine what I would do to end this problem! I just want to enjoy talking to people again!

[JackTorrance]

Oh yer! And forgot to mention, I kinda feel as though everyone is on a socially higher level to me, and that I have the lowest social status out of alot of my friends who I used to be really close to, which has made it impossible for me to be great friends with them again, and I pretty much feel as though my social status is rock bottom. I feel like the guy nobody wants around.

Many thanks...

[shadowmask]

So do you only experience this when trying to have a conversation? Do you have any physical symptoms during this occurence, like blushing, sweating, trembling, etc.?

[JackTorrance]

Originally Posted by shadowmask

So do you only experience this when trying to have a conversation? Do you have any physical symptoms during this occurence, like blushing, sweating, trembling, etc.?

I have no physical symptoms, just feel INCREDIBLY uneasy and frantic and that's only in conversation, or when someone sits next to me in class and I can't think of anything to say. Just silence when I'm with people, and not being able to keep conversation going, though I was always very good at that. It's led to tonnes of problems though, like I am too scared to go somewhere with most people because I fear that I won't be able to keep conversation going. And sometimes I hate going to lessons because I know I'm sitting with someone I might not be able to hold a conversation with.

[pixies]

Sounds like Social Anxiety to me.

The thing is though, you are 16 and your hormones go ape around that age. I remember mine did. So rather than getting too involved in it all, it might be best to try to just stop yourself from thinking like that. When you get to a social situation and think, "Oh my god I don't know what to say!" just try to chill and forget about it and think about something else. Think about your favourite video game and picture playing it. Think about the cute girl sat near you. Think about politics or your surroundings, or what people are talking about. Think about anything really, just don't focus in on yourself because it's that which is freaking you out. And if you don't speak while doing this, it doesn't matter. Your usual old self would have moments when you didn't speak either. The only difference now is that you are focusing on those moments.

Hopefully it will all blow over. Within a month or so you might feel completely different because being mid teens is really freaky with your brain chemistry, and it will change. A lot of mid teens get depression and it's apparently completely normal, and stupid doctors go prescribing them with anti-depressants when they shouldn't because it all blows over so quickly.

If it doesn't blow over then.. well.. welcome to the club.

[JackTorrance]

Originally Posted by pixies

Sounds like Social Anxiety to me.

The thing is though, you are 16 and your hormones go ape around that age. I remember mine did. So rather than getting too involved in it all, it might be best to try to just stop yourself from thinking like that. When you get to a social situation and think, "Oh my god I don't know what to say!" just try to chill and forget about it and think about something else. Think about your favourite video game and picture playing it. Think about the cute girl sat near you. Think about politics or your surroundings, or what people are talking about. Think about anything really, just don't focus in on yourself because it's that which is freaking you out. And if you don't speak while doing this, it doesn't matter. Your usual old self would have moments when you didn't speak either. The only difference now is that you are focusing on those moments.

Hopefully it will all blow over. Within a month or so you might feel completely different because being mid teens is really freaky with your brain chemistry, and it will change. A lot of mid teens get depression and it's apparently completely normal, and stupid doctors go prescribing them with anti-depressants when they shouldn't because it all blows over so quickly.

If it doesn't blow over then.. well.. welcome to the club.

Thanks, I hope it goes away it has affected me for like 1 to 2 years now, so I guess that means I've got it forever. Tbh, not being suicidal or anything, but if I was to have this for the rest of my life I'd rather have died before developing the problem.

Sometimes I feel a bit differently, if I'm with someone I feel I have the same social status as, I can talk normally for ages, and be really confident and talkative etc. I think I just have social anxiety towards people I think are higher socially than me. Just now I feel like almost everyone has a higher social status :/ I always felt a little edgy around people I thought were higher than me socially, like I do now around most people, but that is 100% okay, I am totally totally fine with THAT, but thinking I am socially below almost everyone, kinda outcast mentality, is the biggest, worst problem I can think of.

Thanks for your reply

[millenniumman75]

You have to work through the issues that are causing the anxiety. They will not vanish on their own. Part of it may be your age and the self-consciousness that comes with adolescence. That part does improve with age.

[JackTorrance]

Originally Posted by millenniumman75

You have to work through the issues that are causing the anxiety. They will not vanish on their own. Part of it may be your age and the self-consciousness that comes with adolescence. That part does improve with age.

I have tried so hard to get over it, I talk to people in uncomfortable situations every single day but it doesn't go away. And this all started when I started feeling self conscious for no reason, that's kinda gone now, but I still feel outcasty for no reason at all.

[letitrock]

What you describe and the fact that you've been like this for the past 2 years makes me think you have SA, And yeah, it may seem like it came outta the blue, but it could be SA triggered by your upbringing or a significant embarassing experience-did anything like that happen with you, to make you start to feel anxious?

If not, then I'm gonna play devil's advocate and give you other possible causes for why you are the way are

-I forget which, but either a Vitamin D or a Vitamin B deficeinecy has been the cause of some things like depression, mood changes, and as soon as that person gets more of that vitamin, they're back to normal

-Also, if you truly don't seem to have root cause for SA like an embarrassing experience, then I heard somewhere that personality changes could be a symptom of something larger

I'm not trying to freak you out with that, but 'm just trying to acknowledge your theory that this isn't S.A.D.-BUT it does sound like SA to me......

[pixies]

Originally Posted by JackTorrance

Thanks, I hope it goes away it has affected me for like 1 to 2 years now, so I guess that means I've got it forever. Tbh, not being suicidal or anything, but if I was to have this for the rest of my life I'd rather have died before developing the problem.

Sometimes I feel a bit differently, if I'm with someone I feel I have the same social status as, I can talk normally for ages, and be really confident and talkative etc. I think I just have social anxiety towards people I think are higher socially than me. Just now I feel like almost everyone has a higher social status :/ I always felt a little edgy around people I thought were higher than me socially, like I do now around most people, but that is 100% okay, I am totally totally fine with THAT, but thinking I am socially below almost everyone, kinda outcast mentality, is the biggest, worst problem I can think of.

Thanks for your reply

Hmm, well it may still go. Teenage years are bad for mental brain chemistry, especially the mid years. By 17 or 18 you might just change naturally.

But even if it turns out that you have SA, it doesn't mean you are doomed to suffer with it forever. There are lots of things you can do. There are medications for a start, and some of them can 'cure' it in just a couple of weeks and then you are set. The only problem I have with the medication is that it's more of a mask, just kind of pushing the problem out the way, and then if after a few years the medication starts to lose it's effect, you may have the problem return. Although some people apparently just then switch to another medication and that takes them through another few years, and perhaps if you did that with a few meds, you can eventually go back to the first one again.

Anyway, there are other things you can do too. One of them is to fight the problem head on, by going out and doing more social things. The belief is that if you do these things over and over, you just get used to doing social things and your anxieties start to fade. Another thing you can do is learn about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). There are websites that teach it for free, and books you can buy. I went to a psychiatrist for my problems and she suggested that I get a book on this.

It can potentially change your life and even cure the problem, but it's hard work, because you basically have to intercept all of your negative thoughts and replace them with better thoughts. They show a picture of a circle which shows how thoughts and feelings are linked. So if you have a bad thought about a situation you are in, that will make you feel worse about the situation, and then that will make even more bad thoughts about it, and you end up spiralling in to misery about the situation. But if you change the first bad thought in to something far more positive, it will make you feel better, and then the better feeling can help further thoughts be more positive.

It sounds all a bit too good to be true but it does seem to work. The hard part is putting yourself in these situations regularly and then practising this technique over and over. You really have to do it a lot for you to get better at it.

But anyway, my point is that there are things you can do. Usually the best advice is to go and see your doctor and see if they can refer you to a therapist or something, and hopefully someone will get you started with CBT or something similar.

[JackTorrance]

Thanks people, I hope I don't have to be on meds for the rest of my life I kinda just wanna think normally.

Main reason why I don't think it's SA is because when I read up on it before, it sounded far more extreme? Like people sweat and blush etc. Also I don't actually fear social things, just the pressure of carrying the conversation. There are groups of people right now that I feel equal to that I act just like my old self around, but it's just that I seem to put everyone else up on a pedestal

Also it varies in how I feel it every day, so I am hoping it's insane hormones. Like some days I feel fine and just act normal, then other days I feel the pressure. What do you guys think? Is this really SA, if so then I am seriously gonna have to do something about it :/

Cheers

[pixies]

Could be just hormones. All kinds of crazy stuff happens during those teen years to some people. And then it passes and people keep quiet about it.

Social Anxiety is pretty extreme, because it can effect every social situation and most of us need to interact with people every day. It can cause people to stop going out, stop seeing their friends, miss out on love and miss out on life. So it can be as extreme as it gets really. It might be an invisible thing, but it's as bad as... well... lots of terrible illnesses, diseases and injuries.

It seems to be different for lots of people. Some people blush and go bright red which is hugely embarrassing for them. I get that sometimes, but some people don't have that at all. For other people it's all about looking people in the eye and they can't do that. So they end up holding a conversation with someone and they stare at a nearby wall or something. For some people the main problem is that they shake and stutter when they are in social situations. It varies, and any of these things can be devastating to people.

I have good days and bad days too. For me it's a lot to do with tiredness. If I have slept really well for a few days, then I am almost cured. If I have one bad night's sleep, then I'm an absolute mess.

If you can still talk to some people, maybe try to hang out with them as much as you can. Hopefully it will pass and you'll be able to hang around with anyone without feeling anything negative.

[JackTorrance]

Thank you pixies ! Good advice also, maybe if I get used to being with people I can easily be around, my mind will become more accustomed to it.

[Catching Fire]

I would suggest therapy. There is no shame in going and what you've described sounds a lot like SA. I can relate what you said a lot. I don't think I'm actually a very shy person either. The way SA effects me both mentally and physically makes me want to avoid people. I don't want them to see me freaking out or I'm really nervous.