Does anyone else feel like this? I seem to have developed a sensitivity to picking up anger from people talking to me. Like somebody may be talking to me and they are angry about something (not neccesarrily something to do with me) and I pick up on the anger very strongly and it feels as though I am being shouted at, even if they are just talking. Has anyone else experienced this?
Not me but I know alot of people with SA that seem to. With my exbf who had worse SA than me every conflict would just blow up into some huge argument. Once I just told him in a slightly annoyed voice he was suppose to take the trash out last and suddenly he gets all defensive, tells me I'm yelling at him and ordering him around, and we end up arguing for the rest of the day over nothing. Happened more days than it didn't and was a major contributor to his problems. If he felt someone was even just less than happy he couldn't talk to that person and would later rant to me about how much he hated them and how much they supposedly must dislike him even when they never said or did anything mean to him. Everyone had to remain calm and upbeat with no conflicts or he'd get stressed.
I do have that problem but im getting better at handling it. I used to assume its the end of the world when someone's angry with me but i look at it as a conflict now. And i give them the right to be frustrated and to express it. I used to make it worse by victimizing myself instead of resolving the core issue. Lately i would ask for a minute to recollect myself and restore the calm energy in me before saying any more. It's all "action and reaction" hope that helps.
I can kinda sorta relate. I don't like conflict and I find shouting and yelling to be both ineffective and pointless. That said I don't have much of a perception/paranoia problem when it comes to picking up anger. But when anger is shown, especially in an unreasonable fashion, you better get away from me!
woops, i was a little off. Yeah im sensitive to the energy of anger, too. Im sure that when someone's expressing it, whether it has something to do with you or not, its simply how they express it. We probably suppress ours, i do anyway. I dont like being angry because id get embarrassed once i feel better. I worry more how others think of me than how i should actually feel and act. Eh.
Oh i definitely agree. I think those reactions bring people farther from the truth, from actually solving the problem. It just adds. But i believe how we act will determine how they will re-act. If we'd roll our eyes and sigh.. like i usually do.. it would frustrate them some more. Lately id try to really pay attention and figure out JUST why they're angry, not how they're acting. Ugh i just hate conflicts. just hate it. Especially how people express it.
I think most conflicts can be solved in a calm, matter-of-fact manner. If there is a problem, the people involved should step aside and discuss it. Showing a lot of anger is simply an impulsive expression of emotion that gets you no where in many instances. But also it's important to note that sometimes expession of anger is necessary, like when someone is being completely unreasonable or you are being taken advantage of.
I think lots of people pick up others anger, and all emotions. I would call it empathy, and if a friend is angry I would talk with them, and say "yeah I can see why that made you mad - that sucked" etc. I didn't use to do this though - I was always afraid of anger in myself, and so when I felt that sense of empathy, and a responding anger too, my sensation was one of anxiety and fear. I would often try to play down their anger to make MYSELF feel better, and this would upset them, as it seemed I didnt care about their feelings that they were sharing with me.
Accepting my own anger and learning to support and empathise with others has made some very big changes to my world.
Ross has a very good point about empathy. I recommend getting hold of the book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron... It's all about people who tend to pick up on a whole range of subtle things from their environment and particularly from the people around them, and how overwhelming and anxiety-producing it can be. I suspect a lot of social anxiety sufferers fall into this category. But the book also mentions how important it is to have these kinds of people in the world, because they are the ones that make the best counsellors, diplomats, philosophers, artists, etc. It kind of helps you to see your sensitivity (and empathy) as something you can manage and eventually come to value & benefit from, as Ross suggested.
I just looked it up on Amazon.com and I see there are a number of other books available in the same series too, which I didn't know about before, including a "Survival Guide - Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World" and a workbook. Worth checking out.
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