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Old 04-04-2007, 03:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Saying stupid things.

Whenever I get into a conversation with others, I naturally get performance anxiety (no matter how hard I try not to) and as a result, some very stupid things come out of my mouth. Anxiety seems to throw sort of a wrench into my brain to screw things up when I speak.

Instead of saying stuff I really want to say, I end up saying crap just to please the other person.

Or, my over-analyzing brain over-thinks things to the point where I sometimes put a cap on my thinking. Too many thoughts about how I am perceived rather than about how I truly feel.

If I could change one thing about myself it would be the ability to say what I think without that dreaded weight of thinking "they might think I'm stupid, odd, etc!!!!!" I just want to be able to be myself without this horrible burden beating me down.

I know this is stuff that's probably been said, but I just needed to write it down.

Peace
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Old 04-04-2007, 03:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Saying stupid things.

I know what you mean. Why don't you try an exercise, try letting out the first thing that pops into your head with people you'll never see again. Just to get used to it. Eventually getting to the point where you don't have to suffocate yourself to be around other people. This is why I think I get headaches and exhausted so much. From holding myself back.
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Old 04-04-2007, 03:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Yep, I can relate to this 100%. I always analyze everthing before I say it, and then I feel like it's stupid or whatever and I don't say it. I also have a really hard time with giving ideas or opinions on things. I always think I'm going to look stupid, so I usually don't say anything.

It sucks.
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Old 04-04-2007, 03:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I am constantly saying stupid things, and I fully realize that what I'm saying is completely moronic. I just can't help myself.

I tend to stay away from people, and never converse with those I don't know just to avoid awkward moments and glares.
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Old 04-04-2007, 04:49 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I do the same thing. I will say something and as soon as it is out of my mouth, I realize how lame it sounded. Then I'll go home & analyze my conversation and wonder why I said this, did that person think it was lame, etc.
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Old 04-04-2007, 05:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Saying stupid things.

If I'm feeling anxious I use my own "two and a half" method.

I consciously count to two before even thinking of a reply. When I do, I let the reply drift in my mind, let it see how it emotionally fits with the conversation. Normally it mutates whilst its drifting, and then comes out as something better. Don't know why it works. It just does.

I deliberately say half as much. Then what I do say comes across as considered, and like they are my own words that I chose especially for that conversation.

Other people will listen to you - your patience will be rewarded.

Experiment with silence. See how long you can stand the quiet bits for.

Ross
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Old 04-04-2007, 05:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Saying stupid things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
If I'm feeling anxious I use my own "two and a half" method.

I consciously count to two before even thinking of a reply. When I do, I let the reply drift in my mind, let it see how it emotionally fits with the conversation. Normally it mutates whilst its drifting, and then comes out as something better. Don't know why it works. It just does.

I deliberately say half as much. Then what I do say comes across as considered, and like they are my own words that I chose especially for that conversation.

Other people will listen to you - your patience will be rewarded.

Experiment with silence. See how long you can stand the quiet bits for.

Ross
could you give an example?
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Old 04-04-2007, 05:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Saying stupid things.

I kind of thought that WAS an example?

OK, this is totally made up but typical:

Dude walking down the hall. I find him intimidating.

Convo 1:

Dude: Hi Ross.
Ross: Hi dude (in some effected way, trying to look happy)
Dude: So what are you up to?
Ross: (feeling desire to say something really witty or off the cuff, selects first thought in head): Ohhh this and thaaaat ... catchin some rayyys .. wasup wid YOU homeboyeee? Goin back to da HOOD? (doing rapper hands as only a white boy can)

Dude: Er, I'm good. Catch you later. (leaves)
Ross: Oh noooooo .......... (replay replay replay)

CONVO 2:

Dude: Hi Ross.
Ross: Hi dude.
Dude: So what are you up to?
Ross (feeling desire to say something really witty or off the cuff): Mentally ..... 1 ..... 2 .....

I'm just relaxing thanks dude. (desire to talk about all three of the movies I wanna see ... use brain to check: does this guy wanna hear it, or was he just being polite? Err on the side of caution... cut it in 'half' - or more). Thought I might catch a movie later.
Dude: Hey I saw 300 - its really good.

Convo ensues and both parties share equal levels of contribution bearing in mind its just a casual, polite, general chat. Ross comes off not looking a tool.

Two and a half. Its patented.

Ross
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On to concentrate on bright things Stuck around in hopes to help, didnt seem like there was much left I could do anymore ... good luck and comfort to those who are on their own path and hope for those yet to take their first step! Much Love
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Old 04-04-2007, 06:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Yeah i also try and speak slowly so that i have time to think about what i'm saying and what to say next, rather than rushing which only causes me to stutter and jumble up my words.
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Old 04-04-2007, 06:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Cool Ross, that sounds like great advice. Thanks for all replies.
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Old 04-05-2007, 08:39 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Saying stupid things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
I kind of thought that WAS an example?

OK, this is totally made up but typical:

Dude walking down the hall. I find him intimidating.

Convo 1:

Dude: Hi Ross.
Ross: Hi dude (in some effected way, trying to look happy)
Dude: So what are you up to?
Ross: (feeling desire to say something really witty or off the cuff, selects first thought in head): Ohhh this and thaaaat ... catchin some rayyys .. wasup wid YOU homeboyeee? Goin back to da HOOD? (doing rapper hands as only a white boy can)

Dude: Er, I'm good. Catch you later. (leaves)
Ross: Oh noooooo .......... (replay replay replay)

CONVO 2:

Dude: Hi Ross.
Ross: Hi dude.
Dude: So what are you up to?
Ross (feeling desire to say something really witty or off the cuff): Mentally ..... 1 ..... 2 .....

I'm just relaxing thanks dude. (desire to talk about all three of the movies I wanna see ... use brain to check: does this guy wanna hear it, or was he just being polite? Err on the side of caution... cut it in 'half' - or more). Thought I might catch a movie later.
Dude: Hey I saw 300 - its really good.

Convo ensues and both parties share equal levels of contribution bearing in mind its just a casual, polite, general chat. Ross comes off not looking a tool.

Two and a half. Its patented.

Ross
i'm gonna try this, it sounds like it has potential. thanks for posting that
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Old 04-05-2007, 09:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Saying stupid things.

Yes, I can relate to that!

I like the idea of counting to two. I will try that.
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Old 04-05-2007, 11:15 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Saying stupid things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
I kind of thought that WAS an example.
It was and I find your advice brilliant. I've tried that myself and it works so well.

I also want to point out that anyone who continually says or thinks that what they say is "stupid" or "moronic" is doing themselves a lot of harm. You are putting yourself down and this leads to a lower self-esteem which in turn may produce more anxiety the next time you are about to converse with someone.
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