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Old 10-02-2006, 01:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Problem with authority

this might be an old topic, but I'm new, sorry.
I have a real problem with anyone I see as authority. This used to include my teachers, but now it's my kids' teachers, and anyone who I feel deserves respect. I've read this is common with people with SA, but haven't exactly read any advice on dealing with it.
This is sort of all connected with not being able to make friends because when I start to feel connected with someone I sort of put them on a pedestal and tell myself they are too good to be my friend.
anyone else?
Any advice?
thanks
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Yeah i have this same problem too. Im sure that self esteem has a whole lot to do with this, thinking that others are more worthy than us. Just remember that YOU, also deserve respect and that nobody is too good for you. We are all equal in terms of worth and just because somebody might hold a higher position in life (jobwise only) does not mean that they, and their needs are any more important than ours. Try appreciating a little more, the person you are and you will find that you stop comparing yourself to others so much, ive been working alot on this and im finding that my perceptions on this belief are starting to change alot.
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Old 10-02-2006, 02:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Unfortunately, I don't have any advice but I can commiserate. I have always been terrified of male authority figures. I attribute this to the fact that my dad was always very angry, volatile, and unpredictable. I'm terried that a man in a position of authority is going to start yelling and screaming at me.

If I'd had good experiences with male authority figures early in my career, I might have built up some trust in them but I had terrible experiences. When I first graduated with my Master's degree, I went to work in a hospital and the main doctor on my floor decided he hated me - for no reason. He never got to know me, never tried to get to know me. He just hated the sight of me and tried to get me fired after I'd been there 2-3 months because he blamed me for something that wasn't my fault. I didn't get fired because I didn't do anything wrong but I was so rattled that I couldn't talk to him or explain what happened or recover from it so I spent the next four years just trying to avoid him. I obsessed over every little thing I did at work, worried he was going to try to get me fired again. It was awful. So, now, it's 12 years later and I'm still terrified of male authority figures. And I still have problems with men in the workplace because they think I'm snobby and I don't like them when I really just very scared. Forget being friends - I can hardly just make conversation.

But it's not just bosses - any man that I have to work with or deal with who is an authority over me in any way scares me to death - that includes professors, mechanics, repairmen, etc. I am also afraid of some women, but it really depends more on the personality.
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Old 10-02-2006, 04:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I also have trouble with authority. At work, it's my most noticable problem. Just today I was sitting with a co-worker in his cubicle, helping him with a problem, when the co-worker's boss stepped into the cubicle. I froze. I stopped talking in mid-sentence, I didn't say hi, I hardly looked up, and I could feel myself flush a bit. It was very odd.
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Old 10-02-2006, 05:14 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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My lack of respect for [most] authority (ok so you're a manager, you think you're better...prove it) and my SA which contradicts that really lead me to a stalemate on things like that.
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Old 10-02-2006, 06:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Thanks for understanding. I had a verbally abusive step-father, as well. I'm just now learning about "truths" or "rules" we learn as kids that we have to unlearn.
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Old 10-02-2006, 06:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I do fear/dislike authority figures to a degree, but I also feel weak and helpless in the face of authority. I've always been sort of a quiet, passive-aggressive nonconformist, but only up to a point where I'm actually confronted, in which case I become a very fearful and compliant person. Authority figures often make me visibly physically nervous and trigger feelings of guilty conscience/paranoia for no apparent reason. It's really weird.
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Old 10-02-2006, 07:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I actually have a big problem listening to authority figures. I've always been a rebel in that way... I don't like to be told what to do, and I don't like being told I'm wrong.
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Old 10-02-2006, 08:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I've never had a problem with authority figures. I tend to relate more to my professors than other students, and the same applies for my high school years.
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Old 10-03-2006, 01:38 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I don't have a problem specifically with authority figures. When I was at school I would hate teachers that walk around the class looking over your shoulder though. That freaks me out.
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Old 10-03-2006, 02:10 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Authority fugures bring out my SA more but I don't actually have much respect for them.

I've found some who are deserving of respect (some doctors, teachers), but SO MANY who are not.

Ignorance, indolence, bullying behaviour, ineptitude; I've see it so many times. In some cases they've felt threatened by me, especially if they discover I'm more qualified, and some then went out to get me. Instead of being concerned about the job at hand, or the welfare of those in their care, they'd put their insecurities first. I'm glad I work with people without such issues at the moment.
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Old 10-03-2006, 04:42 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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I think it's healthy to be a bit suspicious of authority figures. Useful advice I had once was if you find someone like that intimidating then imagine them in ridiculous underwear and comedy glasses. Also I keep photos of the principal and vice-principal of my college on which I've added big Mickey Mouse ears and red noses. Works for me.
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Old 09-19-2010, 06:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I have a problem where I seem to find jobs that have insufferable and unintelligent bosses. Let me site some examples: I work as a professional baker and worked for a woman who owned a small coffee house. I wanted to work in a small kitchen to avoid kitchen burnout (e.g. working a double workload without working overtime). Everything was all fine and rosy, then . . . my cakes started selling well and the owner started to get these ambitious plans to include a bakery/catering venture but still wouldn't budge on raising my salary or approving o/t. When I told her I couldn't do wedding cakes (it's a coffee house for heaven's sakes!!) because the kitchen was too small, because of the time constraints, and because I was stressing out too much. She called me a prima donna, a whiner, and a big baby and I wasn't that talented anyway. She ended up firing me. After a few years, I went back to baking again, and same situation, an owner starting up a small cafe/coffeehouse and I see the same patterns over and over again. We've gotten to the point where neither one of us speaks to each other unless it's absolutely necessary. It has to be me . . . how else do I get into these situations where I wake up every morning with tears in my eyes, dreading the new day. I must ask for this situation somehow . . .

I've grown up in an abusive environment, and even though I know the abuse was wrong, I still have that residual feeling that I'm to blame somehow e.g. I was a spoiled brat, I was too whiny, etc.

Sometimes I can't tell the difference when I'm being taken advantage of and when I'm overexaggerating the situation . . . how does one tell the difference??
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Old 11-30-2010, 02:59 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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@ms pessimist - I'm also in a similar recreation pattern... I find myself again and again in a situation where I seem to be asking for a problem with an authority - my boss. I have started to recognize some beliefs I have or fears I have... when I have bad conscience for something I start to see him as my enemy...like he is the conscience outside of me... out to get me. I really think in large parts it is my creation - I think I could do better, I think I never do enough. And he serves perfectly my belief. So I react to his presence, his looks, his way of talking...and start defending without any apparent reason. But sure enough there is a reason created pretty fast...

I think we have the power to change it - I think when I did everything I can, know, want or am willing to do then I should have a clear conscience and not look for an authority to tell me I should do better...

I think it's about my self-responsibility - finding the authority I see outside of myself - inside of me. I am not sure if this works...but I am practicing and trying to use the situations I get into.

so maybe in parts we believe we can make those wedding cakes... but because of not being 100% authority of our own thoughts we can't be clear if it is okay to never-the-less say: Hey bake your own cake...that's not the quality of work I want...
I think the outside world reflects the inner.

I think I really love my job - so I try to use my problem to get better at it.

e
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Old 11-30-2010, 06:49 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Old 11-30-2010, 07:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I'm generally anti-authority but I'm not militant - my reaction to the authority depends on who it is, sometimes defending yourself is seen as isubordination. If it's the police, I'm passive but I don't bother to hide my abjection at the situation, or I can't. I dislike the hierarchical, stratified element of society - I mean it's interesting but I don't want to live it. I think if you're the type of person who likes to lord it over others, you probably allow someone else to lord it over you - it's that belief in the social stratification. If you were against it you wouldn't want to be above or below anybody else.
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Old 11-30-2010, 07:42 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelee View Post
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice but I can commiserate. I have always been terrified of male authority figures. I attribute this to the fact that my dad was always very angry, volatile, and unpredictable. I'm terried that a man in a position of authority is going to start yelling and screaming at me.

If I'd had good experiences with male authority figures early in my career, I might have built up some trust in them but I had terrible experiences. When I first graduated with my Master's degree, I went to work in a hospital and the main doctor on my floor decided he hated me - for no reason. He never got to know me, never tried to get to know me. He just hated the sight of me and tried to get me fired after I'd been there 2-3 months because he blamed me for something that wasn't my fault. I didn't get fired because I didn't do anything wrong but I was so rattled that I couldn't talk to him or explain what happened or recover from it so I spent the next four years just trying to avoid him. I obsessed over every little thing I did at work, worried he was going to try to get me fired again. It was awful. So, now, it's 12 years later and I'm still terrified of male authority figures. And I still have problems with men in the workplace because they think I'm snobby and I don't like them when I really just very scared. Forget being friends - I can hardly just make conversation.

But it's not just bosses - any man that I have to work with or deal with who is an authority over me in any way scares me to death - that includes professors, mechanics, repairmen, etc. I am also afraid of some women, but it really depends more on the personality.
Wow, that's just horrendous. The experiences just gather like a snowball and add to the painful memories and thus building the fear. I hear ya, sister, been my experience also.
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Old 11-30-2010, 08:25 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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i have trouble with my bosses, i feel like they are judging me and watching me. i feel guilty even though im just doing my job. i dont know how to fix it but it makes me go blank minded. Thankfully this new manager i have is a big clown guy that messes around with everyone so i feel a little more at ease, although when he teases me and makes "jokes" i cant say anything back because i respect them... why i really dont know. If i do end up saying something ill endup making them mad because supposedly i crossed the line even thoug i show everyone respect untill they mess with me
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Old 12-13-2011, 04:13 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Default athority

No I have no problems with athority , they have problems with me !
I apreciate good athority but hate coruption for breakfast .
ask yourself what gives athority the power. than aply it to antymonipolise such athority with the same ignorence. example they use your asets to control you , but remember they have more asets than you to look after .
you are one person in control over yourself , but they do not control there co workers and have litle or no comunication, make this your advantage .
and one more thing use people power get people to sepoort you that have simular conserns . sounts eazy ,its not , as moost people are ignorent as well, oswald.bruggemans@gmail.com lets talk we can and will combat athoritive ignorence ,
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