People with SA who don't have friends...

[donttalkmuch]

Do you ever feel like even if you get cured of SA or get it managable, you STILL won't be able to make friends? Or if you make them, you won't keep them because your life has been so...I'm trying to find a word...solitary for such a long time that you wouldn't have anything to talk about? Or that you've been out of the socializing, friendship game that you think you may fail at it?

Having SA, I feel most comfortable by myself, but I worry that when I get help for my SA and it's cured that I won't be able to keep/make friends. It doesn't help that I'm in my late 20s, and most of the people I used to know have children now.

[Lirael]

Yeah, I worry sometimes that since I have had the anxiety for so long, theres damage there that may not be fixable. Growing up with it has made some circumstances in my life very unusual and I fear that I'm forever missing ways to relate to most people. Though on a more positive note I hope that there are people out there who are nicer and more understanding than I may want to give them credit for. Plenty of people are "strange" or "a little off" and they are the more interesting for it. And plenty of people have a hard time with relationships, not just people with SA or who had it in the past... Anyway I'm rambling. I guess I'm just trying to say I know how you feel but don't loose hope!

[rachelynn]

Do you ever feel like even if you get cured of SA or get it managable, you STILL won't be able to make friends?

Yeah, I am 99% sure I will not be able to make or have any friends. I don't even know where or how I would get any to begin with. The only place I really do have any friends or people to "talk" to is on the computer. Of course, that is not the same as in person.

[kev]

Depends on the person. For me, "making friends" is not a natural result of being less anxious. The less anxiuos I am and the better I feel the more I enjoy being alone, lol. I realize now I am happier if I at least one or two good friends other than my family. Right now I don't have that.

If you cure your SA and you are happy and still can't make friends, you might try a social skills class. Personally I took one of those and I hated it but you know, you could try it if you were really serious about putting yourself out there.

[nataliyaib]

I honestly don't think I'll be able to make friends any time soon. I haven't had any in a long time so I've forgotten how to make some.

[Phronima]

Every time I have tried to speak to anyone I always feel there is no connection at all. It's been so long since I made any I don't think I know how to even act around people. I have trouble even talking to people online so I just don't really bother these days. I kind of feel like you need friends/acquaintances already just to make more.

[shyvr6]

No, I don't see that as a problem. I think the problem is that you don't know what it's like to live life without sa so your future scenarios are based on your negative beliefs. If you get cured or make it managable, then your mindset is going to be different, so that means you won't have that negative thinking anymore and your future scenarios will be completely different.

[jim695]

Actually I have gotten to the point where I am pretty good at talking to people in recent years and people often tell me how funny and entertaining I am, but I have not made any new friends in years and have had only 1 good friend for a long long time and he has always been busy with his girlfriend in the last year or so, so I have been left comletely alone.

I feel like as I have gotten to be more chatty and outgoing, people see my lousy personality and stay away. Sometimes I think it is better for me just to shut up and never talk the way I used to be. When I was a kid and a teenager I had a few friends. Perhaps I was better off as a quiet mute that hardly ever opened his mouth.

[Mc Borg]

SA has turned me into this beyond introverted/socially inept person. It's like, I don't really have much of a desire to be social in the first place, and when I'm expected, or want to be social, I just don't know how to do it. It's just far too awkward. I've gotten so used to being this way, so yeah. I can't relate with anyone whatsoever. Even if I was able to be social, I probably wouldn't fit in. If I was ever to get over SA, making the transition to being "normal" would be extremely hard.

[knightbird123]

Yea I have the same problem Mc Borg. I feel like a senior citizen. I just have no patience to bother with anyone. I gave up on making the effort.

[Zephyr]

Yes. Even without social anxiety, I'm acutely aware that I'm just...different. I seem to be tuned to a different frequency from everyone else. It's very hard for me to make meaningful contact with the rest of the humans.

Originally Posted by Phronima

Every time I have tried to speak to anyone I always feel there is no connection at all.

Bingo.

[Hot Chocolate]

Me too. Nowadays, I just talk to people for the sake of talking and trying not to make them hate me...that's all.

[screwjack]

The friends I do get I tend to push away. I can't put up with commitments and stuff. They think i'm rude when I don't want to go someplace with them and I never call... I don't know if I honestly just don't like doing those things or if it's just more comfortable for me not to be in those situations. The line between misanthropy and SA is blurry.

[KumagoroBeam]

well, i think the problem is not just my SA but my whole personality. i just can't connect with people. i think it's partially my fault that i have SA, because from a certain point, when i was younger, i just wasn't interested in making any friends. that made me the isolated person i am today. now i couldn't even make friends if i wanted to.
i feel so negative writing this^^ but it's reality.

[waitnsee]

Originally Posted by Hot Chocolate

Me too. Nowadays, I just talk to people for the sake of talking and trying not to make them hate me...that's all.

That's how I feel like at work. My co-workers are nice but aside from a few occasions I don't feel like socializing with them, but force myself so they don't start gossiping about why I'm acting "weird" and feel uncomfortable around me.

I think the only way I would be able to make friends would be with someone who understands my SA, shares similar interests and sense of morality, and has the SAME sense of humor. Oh, and has high tolerance for low-key conversations. This would be the only way I would have a chance at connecting with someone since THEN I would actually have something to talk about.