Its hard to explain...
When I was 8 I was a shy kid I didn't speak much. In my school was a lot of brave kids I didn't feel well there. Every break they were loud while I was sitting alone. Teacher told few times that I'm other than them I am shy and quiet (among all). Then everybody started to call my shy… They were making fun of few people but especially of me cause I was shy. When teacher asked who speaks loud, they always focused on me and laughed and everybody knew that wasn't me but it was funny for them…
I couldn't make friends because they told: "he is that guy who doesn't speak" they looked at me and laughed hard. There was also one very shy girl in my class and they were often joking that we are couple or asking me how's your girlfriend? Or when they saw some shy person "hey, he's like you haha" _._ It was so embarrassing. They laughed at everything I said/I did. I wasn't very shy I rarely did it but everytime I swore, they acted like they are shocked "first time I heard he swore 0.o" They were making me look a lot more shy than I actually was. They are so cruel. Each time I was coming to class they were joking "please, sit with me, you are so strong everyone at school is afraid of you haha." When I was sitting alone they said "look at him, hes so shy, hes sitting alone and doesnt talk at all"... They commented my behaviour all the time. I was always in center of attention and I didn't want to. I hated it.
I tried to hide from them. Ive never had an account on myspace/facebook. Finally year ago I created account there because my family told me about it for a long time. It was HUGE step in social relations. I was always afraid of people. My classmates asked "whats happened? you are on facebook wow!"
Yesterday I met one girl who was my classmate in bus. I wanted to talk. I said to her "Hi!" to times and she didnt even look at me. I poked her and she finally noticed me said "hi" and went away... So rude. **** them. Now Im 18 Im just normal quiet guy, definitely not shy but they still make ***** of me. Recently Im thinking about my whole life. It sucks. I dont have good memories.
I thought about suicide. I cant study I cant eat. I dont enjoy anything. I dont do anything. Just playing computer games/listening to music. Few people destroyed my life. I cant live this way no more. My patience is over. I lost my ambition. I dont think its ever gonna change. I dont even think about having a girlfriend. I dont see the future. Everyone remembers how I was bullied at school. I want to cry all time. How to change my reputation? Once some person said that he knows a girl who was also called shy and made fun of. He told me that she still has the same reputation even if she changed a little bit. Do I really have to be treated like a freak? My family doesn't know about my problems. I lost hope to have normal life. Now I live only for my family. When I see my sister's smile everything seems better. I dont wanna leave my family. And I dont think it sounds as bad as it really is. I wanna give up.
When I was 8 I was a shy kid I didn't speak much. In my school was a lot of brave kids I didn't feel well there. Every break they were loud while I was sitting alone. Teacher told few times that I'm other than them I am shy and quiet (among all). Then everybody started to call my shy… They were making fun of few people but especially of me cause I was shy. When teacher asked who speaks loud, they always focused on me and laughed and everybody knew that wasn't me but it was funny for them…
I couldn't make friends because they told: "he is that guy who doesn't speak" they looked at me and laughed hard. There was also one very shy girl in my class and they were often joking that we are couple or asking me how's your girlfriend? Or when they saw some shy person "hey, he's like you haha" _._ It was so embarrassing. They laughed at everything I said/I did. I wasn't very shy I rarely did it but everytime I swore, they acted like they are shocked "first time I heard he swore 0.o" They were making me look a lot more shy than I actually was. They are so cruel. Each time I was coming to class they were joking "please, sit with me, you are so strong everyone at school is afraid of you haha." When I was sitting alone they said "look at him, hes so shy, hes sitting alone and doesnt talk at all"... They commented my behaviour all the time. I was always in center of attention and I didn't want to. I hated it.
I tried to hide from them. Ive never had an account on myspace/facebook. Finally year ago I created account there because my family told me about it for a long time. It was HUGE step in social relations. I was always afraid of people. My classmates asked "whats happened? you are on facebook wow!"
Yesterday I met one girl who was my classmate in bus. I wanted to talk. I said to her "Hi!" to times and she didnt even look at me. I poked her and she finally noticed me said "hi" and went away... So rude. **** them. Now Im 18 Im just normal quiet guy, definitely not shy but they still make ***** of me. Recently Im thinking about my whole life. It sucks. I dont have good memories.
I thought about suicide. I cant study I cant eat. I dont enjoy anything. I dont do anything. Just playing computer games/listening to music. Few people destroyed my life. I cant live this way no more. My patience is over. I lost my ambition. I dont think its ever gonna change. I dont even think about having a girlfriend. I dont see the future. Everyone remembers how I was bullied at school. I want to cry all time. How to change my reputation? Once some person said that he knows a girl who was also called shy and made fun of. He told me that she still has the same reputation even if she changed a little bit. Do I really have to be treated like a freak? My family doesn't know about my problems. I lost hope to have normal life. Now I live only for my family. When I see my sister's smile everything seems better. I dont wanna leave my family. And I dont think it sounds as bad as it really is. I wanna give up.