People ignoring you...

[illlaymedown]

When you try to develope relationships of any form with people does it seem to end up in them ignoring you? I think my SA tends to come off as me being "weird", "whiney" or "needy"...does that happen with anybody else?

[shyvr6]

Only when I don't really put an effort into maintaining that relationship.

[Daxter]

Originally Posted by illlaymedown

When you try to develope relationships of any form with people does it seem to end up in them ignoring you? I think my SA tends to come off as me being "weird", "whiney" or "needy"...does that happen with anybody else?

Not always, but that describes a relationship I used to have. A part of it was the crush I had on the girl in question, but I think SA made me really needy and act strange. I got pissed off because we never really saw eachother much, and that led to a lot of drama. And now we haven't talked in weeks.

I got scared that she was ignoring me, and made a big deal out of it, which led to actual ignoring. Man...

[shadowmask]

Yeah, it's one of the reasons I'm so hesitant to involve myself with new people, I expect to be rejected eventually. And I don't deal too well with rejection.

[hushhush]

Originally Posted by illlaymedown

When you try to develope relationships of any form with people does it seem to end up in them ignoring you? I think my SA tends to come off as me being "weird", "whiney" or "needy"...does that happen with anybody else?

yes, i have noticed this.
But to be honest I am not sure how I come across. I know i have made this mistake with a couple people, but I am not sure it ended up with them ignoring me. I think i just become one of those friends they have "just in case" their other plans don't work out and they have nothing better to do. That's where i usually end up. it's sad because i feel i have very few people I can really rely on. I am not sure it happened this way due to my own actions or i just have a way of picking people for friends who are selfish...

[illlaymedown]

Originally Posted by Daxter

Not always, but that describes a relationship I used to have. A part of it was the crush I had on the girl in question, but I think SA made me really needy and act strange. I got pissed off because we never really saw eachother much, and that led to a lot of drama. And now we haven't talked in weeks.

I got scared that she was ignoring me, and made a big deal out of it, which led to actual ignoring. Man...

That's what happens with almost every crush I have...it happened with my ex too. He would not call for a couple days or hang with his friends more than me and it made me feel he didn't really like me and noticed I was inadequate. I just met a guy I really like and before he talked to me but now he doesn't do anything anymore. It hurts really bad and makes me wanna just give up...but this stupid desire won't go away. I can change things like getting a job, or making small talk or such, but I can't get people to not judge me based on first impressions when I'm most anxious so I feel like I'm just not meant to have a relationship

[IcoRules]

I'm used to being ignored. I wait for the person to talk to me. I don't take the initiative too often because I'm afraid I will come off as "needy", "weird", or "pushy", something like that. Then when someone doesn't respond back to me or doesn't talk to me in a long time I figure it's something I did, and I won't talk to them anymore.

That's how I'm feeling right now actually.

[hushhush]

Originally Posted by IcoRules

I'm used to being ignored. I wait for the person to talk to me. I don't take the initiative too often because I'm afraid I will come off as "needy", "weird", or "pushy", something like that. Then when someone doesn't respond back to me or doesn't talk to me in a long time I figure it's something I did, and I won't talk to them anymore.

That's how I'm feeling right now actually.

Hee hee, that's how i am too.
and it's bad especially in romantic relationships because people tell me that guys think i am not interested. I am so worried about avoiding being "too available" and TOO needy and TOO pushy that i come across disinterested. or at least that's what people tell me (who knows if that's true, maybe they're just saying that to be nice and guys aren't actually interested in me...)

[sadfox]

i always ignore people because im shy and people think im an ignorant ******* i cant help it though i find it hard to even say hello leaving the house is hard enough

[hushhush]

This discussion makes me think of a friend of mine. I sometimes wonder if he has social anxiety and it makes me feel really affectionate towards him. Some of the things he has done come off very rude but on the other hand, if he does have social anxiety, they are completely explainable. But really i have no way of knowing for sure which is the case....

how do guys act if they have social anxiety? how about if someone is calling you out on your behavior? if he does, then we're two SA people who clashed because we're both insecure and afraid of rejection i think....

sorry this is offtopic.

[illlaymedown]

Originally Posted by IcoRules

I'm used to being ignored. I wait for the person to talk to me. I don't take the initiative too often because I'm afraid I will come off as "needy", "weird", or "pushy", something like that. Then when someone doesn't respond back to me or doesn't talk to me in a long time I figure it's something I did, and I won't talk to them anymore.

That's how I'm feeling right now actually.

That's how I'm feeling right now as well. Except the person in question was a bit more noticing of me before we met and it seems ever since we met in person he doesn't do things he used to as much. I can't stop wondering what I did wrong. I keep feeling like just logging onto IM will bother him or annoy him. I don't know what to think anymore

[Celerian]

That's the beauty (or ugliness) of the internet. When talking with someone online, you really only have their mind. You can expand that with pictures, video chat, or voice (phone), but at the basics, all you see is the textal representation they let you see. Meeting changes the game a lot of times. Up close, you can see their mannerisms, hear their voice, see their expressions. Some people click really well online, and then meet in person and realize that they aren't compatible on some sort of physical level. I think most of that is probably done internally without them even realizing why.

I wouldn't say its anything wrong with you, but maybe that you two just didn't mesh well in person.

[liarsclub]

my friend has a sister I've known for years. I always thought she disliked me, turns out she just never even registered my existence before I guess. Last weekend she actually introduced herself to me as if we've never met, I was like..what?

[Trini]

I've found that too, but like a previous poster said, it could also be due to the type of people I'm trying to be friends with. I am learning the hard way that self-involved people do not make good friends for people with SA. And unfortunately I'm surrounded by lots of them. Then of course to counteract the feeling that it must be "me" that's why they're not initiating conversation etc I end up drawing them out which just feeds into their self-absorbtion and they don't even realize how much they're hurting me by not asking me how I'm doing. Then it inevitably becomes a one-way friendship with them taking and taking and it saps my energy.

Trini

[illlaymedown]

Originally Posted by Celerian

That's the beauty (or ugliness) of the internet. When talking with someone online, you really only have their mind. You can expand that with pictures, video chat, or voice (phone), but at the basics, all you see is the textal representation they let you see. Meeting changes the game a lot of times. Up close, you can see their mannerisms, hear their voice, see their expressions. Some people click really well online, and then meet in person and realize that they aren't compatible on some sort of physical level. I think most of that is probably done internally without them even realizing why.

I wouldn't say its anything wrong with you, but maybe that you two just didn't mesh well in person.

Well he asked me for like 3 days in a row to meet him, so I finally did and we hung out a whole day with his friends too and at one point he thought I was bored, but we were having fun. We played games together and he were competitve. He would touch me a lot which is spose to be a sign of like and he asked me to hang out again the next day and was pretty much the same except I played tennis with him and I suuuuccckkkeed :P He was spose to hang out the next day but ended up having to take his grandpa to the doctor. He said he had a nice time each time and was very gentlemanly, walking me to my car and such. A little after all this I tried to talk to him on AIM and asked him about his grandfather and at some point he just stopped talking which he's done before, but he hasn't really given me anymore notice since then. He's depressed about a breakup he had about 7 months ago but still, I just think he'd try harder if he liked me....so that makes me think it's me and I must've done something horribly wrong.

[Celerian]

Originally Posted by illlaymedown

Well he asked me for like 3 days in a row to meet him, so I finally did and we hung out a whole day with his friends too and at one point he thought I was bored, but we were having fun. We played games together and he were competitve. He would touch me a lot which is spose to be a sign of like and he asked me to hang out again the next day and was pretty much the same except I played tennis with him and I suuuuccckkkeed :P He was spose to hang out the next day but ended up having to take his grandpa to the doctor. He said he had a nice time each time and was very gentlemanly, walking me to my car and such. A little after all this I tried to talk to him on AIM and asked him about his grandfather and at some point he just stopped talking which he's done before, but he hasn't really given me anymore notice since then. He's depressed about a breakup he had about 7 months ago but still, I just think he'd try harder if he liked me....so that makes me think it's me and I must've done something horribly wrong.

By that it sounds like he might just be preoccupied. Maybe he's the kind of person who shuts off out of fear of lashing out in anger at the wrong person. He may be stressed about his grandfather, or it may be something further. Until you can actually speak to him, you might have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also, not to be a downer, but you said it best yourself: "I just think he'd try harder if he liked me." Personally, when I like someone, I make them a priority in my life. When I was younger I had a friend who lived in California, so there was a 3 hour time gap. We both got online late, so obviously by the time they got on, it was very late for me. I'd end up staying awake until 4am, just because I wanted to talk to them so badly.

And if he continues to ignore you, then forget him, because he obviously isn't important enough to waste YOUR time on. You seem like a sweet girl, and you need to realize that not everything is a reflection on the type of person you are, but more often, a reflection on the type of person they are. After all, only they control their actions, and only you control yours.