Not wanting to go to work.... - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 01-13-2012, 12:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 29



Default Not wanting to go to work....

A little background....

I pushed myself through school because of the pressure of not letting my family down. I graduated with my bachelors degree in social work at 21. I like social work because I love helping people who are in need. It's different for me than customer service.....I feel my SA is controlled because of how I feel after I help a needy family. I worked at DHS as an intern then a caseworker aid in child welfare for 2 years. Economy sucks so I was laid off. I liked these jobs because I had no authority, noone looking to me for the answer. I like being the assistant or the secretary. The less authority i have, the happier I am. I'm content working by myself quietly!*

Now I'm dealing with my SA daily because I work in a residential treatment center for boys 14-18 who are criminal or sexual offenders and have bad behavior problems. I constantly get verbally abused, yelled at, called names, challenged, and just broken down by these kids. I've been there 3 months and want to quit every single day. I don't quit because we need the money. I live with my boyfriend of 3 years, and he doesn't understand my SA. He always unintentionally makes fun of it and thinks I'm just emotional and can't control it. He tries, but just doesn't understand. *I don't quit because I don't want him to think I'm lazy or didn't try. He always says just to suck it up and keep going. I try, but daily I have panic attacks at work. I come home and cry myself to sleep many nights because it is so hard to keep myself composed at work. In the hours before i leave for work, I'm constantly looking for excuses and running through scenarios in my head about quitting...I try to think of some story to make up for my boyfriend/family about me getting fired or let go...I try to think of anything I can in order to have an excuse to not go back to that place but not have my boyfriend/family know/be mad at me for quitting. Like right now, I'm anxious about work and trying to find an excuse to not go back there. I hate the kids belittling me and extorting my flaws. Its a person with SA's worst nightmare!!




TODAY I am having an extremely hard time. I don't want to go to work, and constantly my mind is trying to rationalize quitting. I am puttin off showering and getting ready. I am thinking of other things I'd rather do. I'm getting myself so worked up that I'm starting a panic attack and trying to control it. Once I get to work it will calm down, but I know for the next three hours I'm going to drive myself crazy. Its so exhausting. I just want to go to sleep on the couch and not go to work. This job is taking a toll on me and no one understands because they don't have SA. Any tips? Tricks? Ways to restore sanity?
namelessmiracle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 12:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 29



Default

Anyone else have experiences like this? I would love to hear them.
namelessmiracle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 03:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: UK
Gender: Female
Posts: 33



Default

You sound very much like I used to be. Luckily I'm not that bad now but the only relief I found was finding a new job (which I loved then sadly, like you lost due to the sucky economy). I'm starting to see warning signs of how I used to be with my new job but at the minute I'm not that bad and trying to sort it before it gets worse. I hope you find a solution soon!
mackot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 03:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
Eia Au's Avatar
 
Status: SAS member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: California
Gender: Female
Age: 29
Posts: 759



Default

I think all I can offer is a more positive focus. Do you see a difference in your abilities to handle the challenging and shaming tactics now from when you first started? Like for example are you less reactive and able to out maneuver some of the head games that you fell for before? It might motivate and strengthen you throughout the day if you are able to see where you have improved and also comparing notes with coworkers about specific situations might aid in your learning to navigate through this environment faster which ultimately will keep your stress level down.
Eia Au is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2012, 05:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 29



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mackot View Post
You sound very much like I used to be. Luckily I'm not that bad now but the only relief I found was finding a new job (which I loved then sadly, like you lost due to the sucky economy). I'm starting to see warning signs of how I used to be with my new job but at the minute I'm not that bad and trying to sort it before it gets worse. I hope you find a solution soon!
Yeah in my years at DHS I dealt with a lot of the same stuff, but it was definitly easier because I enjoyed it and I felt a purpose. This job just makes me miserable and makes me not want to continue coming back. I think enjoying what you do is important, especially with SA. The only thing I'm worried about..

I had two other jobs that I quit because of my SA. One was a call center job working in Netflix's call center. I lasted 3 months before having a bad panic attack at work that left me crying on the floor in a ball in the bathroom. Another one was a job where I worked with developmentally delayed diagnosed pedophiles in a secure facility. I lasted 4 days and never went back. I'm worried if I quit, I'm letting my SA get the best of me.
namelessmiracle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2012, 05:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 29



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eia Au View Post
I think all I can offer is a more positive focus. Do you see a difference in your abilities to handle the challenging and shaming tactics now from when you first started? Like for example are you less reactive and able to out maneuver some of the head games that you fell for before? It might motivate and strengthen you throughout the day if you are able to see where you have improved and also comparing notes with coworkers about specific situations might aid in your learning to navigate through this environment faster which ultimately will keep your stress level down.
Thank you for helping me look at the positives. When I'm alone in my own head I have a hard time with that part. I've definitly gotten better at handling this job since I started. My first two weeks the kids made me cry at work. I let them walk all over me. If they tried to challenge my rules I would eventually give in. Now I tell myself that they're just havign problems and thats why they are here. I tell myself they hate the authority, not me. I try to look past WHAT they're saying, and just know they're angry. But no matter how many times I tell myself this, it still affects me once I get home. Then the next 16 hours until I go back to work is filled with doubt and self hatred again. I am literally in fear of going back to work because I don't want to have to deal with it again. Idk..I try, I try so hard...but it takes so much of my energy to keep doing it!
namelessmiracle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2012, 05:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
Huk phin's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: my feet they finally took root in the earth, but I got me a nice little place in the stars.
Gender: Male
Posts: 513



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by namelessmiracle View Post

Now I'm dealing with my SA daily because I work in a residential treatment center for boys 14-18 who are criminal or sexual offenders and have bad behavior problems. I constantly get verbally abused, yelled at, called names, challenged, and just broken down by these kids. I've been there 3 months and want to quit every single day. I don't quit because we need the money. I live with my boyfriend of 3 years, and he doesn't understand my SA. He always unintentionally makes fun of it and thinks I'm just emotional and can't control it. He tries, but just doesn't understand. *I don't quit because I don't want him to think I'm lazy or didn't try. He always says just to suck it up and keep going. I try, but daily I have panic attacks at work. I come home and cry myself to sleep many nights because it is so hard to keep myself composed at work. In the hours before i leave for work, I'm constantly looking for excuses and running through scenarios in my head about quitting...I try to think of some story to make up for my boyfriend/family about me getting fired or let go...I try to think of anything I can in order to have an excuse to not go back to that place but not have my boyfriend/family know/be mad at me for quitting. Like right now, I'm anxious about work and trying to find an excuse to not go back there. I hate the kids belittling me and extorting my flaws. Its a person with SA's worst nightmare!! ?
WOW. I work in a substance abuse treatment center for troubled kids 14-17 and I HATE it. I think about quitting every day. Having SA makes it SO hard because these kids smell nervousness/uncomfortability and they attack. It's what they do. They are good at it. It is hard for people to appreciate how much a day at work can take out of you. On top of that I do not get along with my direct supervisors.

I SO feel you. Hang in there.
Huk phin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2012, 06:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 345



Default

You can remind yourself that they are in a worse environment (no time off) and mental state than you are.

Or that this is the way that they have been treated all their lives and are doing to you what hurt them because that is what they see as power. The thing that hurt them.

See the same emotions you are feeling at that moment were inside them at some time in the past.

I try to do this at my job, which isn't anywhere near what you are dealing with. It is hard to detach. But this is some of the stuff I try.
evrchngn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-14-2012, 09:02 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 13



Default

I know exactly what you are talking about. Its my career goal to help people too and am actually going to attend grad school for social work in the fall. In 2008, I worked at a mental health treatment center for both sexes and all ages. It was kinda the "last chance house" before more serious action was taken on them. Needless to say...it was absoultely horrible. My roommate at the time said she had never seen me more depressed than when I worked there. I lasted like 3 months and one day I just didn't go back. I realized that place was hell...that's why the kids were trying to sneak out and run away and I was VOLUNTARILY and WILLINGLY going back to that place everyday for a crappy pay. It was so worth to quit. Its not worth the anxiety and depression that it caused on top of the anxiety I feel in my everyday life anyway. That would be my advice to you...find something that you don't have panic attacks doing. I honestly don't think your family will judge you- those places have a HUGE turnover for a reason and its not because of social anxiety. And if you stay in a job you hate, how will you ever find or give yourself the opprotunity to find something you love to do? If money is a really big issue for you, job hunt in your free time. There is no better feeling than knowing you never have to set foot in that place again.
liz101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 12:31 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 29



Default

Today is an especially hard day. I have 3 hours before I have to go to work, and I'm laying in bed trying to sleep...all I can think about is how much I dread work and the ways to get out of it. Yet just the thought of having to call my boss and/or other people to cover gives me horrible anxiety. It's a catch 22 and I don't know what to do.
namelessmiracle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 01:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
pjm1978's Avatar
 
Status: planning relocation
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: long island,ny
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 714



Default

Thats not a good job for someone with SA. I don't think you can keep going this way.
pjm1978 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 06:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
lostjourney's Avatar
 
Status: Wanderer
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 62



Default

You have to start looking for something else. The stress you are going through can't continue indefinitely. The day you quit will feel like such a relief.
lostjourney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-15-2012, 10:02 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: United States, Northeast
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 1,005



Default

Wow I feel like you.

I work at an adult drug and alcohol/criminality facility. Most of the people come from jail, and have other convictions along with drugs. I graduated, and worked at a gas station first. Panic attack central I called that place. Then I left, and finally got a job with my degree (sort of). I basically monitor the people at the facility, among other annoying tasks. I avoided working with adolescents because of what you said about them. I sort of knew that's how it would be. Although, I might be able to deal with it better now, that I've been around it for almost a year now.

Anyway, I had ups and downs with my job. I liked it at first for awhile, although I had trouble going from nerves. Then I sort of thought it was okay. Then I started to get really sick of it. Now, the time has passed to get out of there, and I'm thinking everyday on what to do to leave. Although the clients are annoying, manipulative, and big babies mostly, they have been mostly respectful towards me (at least to my face), so I haven't had a HUGE problem with them. However, there are days where I need to deal with their families on the phone, or when they visit, and they are BEYOND annoying, and I want to start drop kicking people.

My biggest problem is with my co-workers. I didn't talk to them for like, the first five months of working there. I was to afraid to talk to people. Some of them told me I'd never make it there to my face. I've been there a year now, so they were wrong, but still. They have gotten on my nerves since I began. A lot of coworkers come and go there, because they are messed up themselves. They have serious narcissistic qualities most of them, and I can't even stand to be around them anymore. I've been thinking of even trying to go to night shift, just to get away from my shift's coworkers. I've been applying to other jobs, but nothing has happened yet. Like you, I hate going in, and I think about it before going.

The place sucks. Someone just quit there, and is going to complain to the administration about it. I'm hoping they shut the place down to be honest, but I doubt it will happen. I want the clients to get help, but I feel like they aren't getting a lot of good help there. Not only that but the place is just unhealthy, mentally and physically. They have had bed bug problems since I started. My coworkers are demeaning, rude, annoying, lazy, self-absorbed a-holes. Most of them, anyway.

My schedule is all over the place. I never know what my schedule is going to look like from one month to the next. I don't have two days off in a row till the end of this month. I never have weekends off. The place sucks. Sometimes I'm sorry I ever went to school for counseling, since it doesn't seem I'm ever going to be one.
__________________
shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to.

plastics is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2012, 11:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Posts: 29



Default

So I ended up turning in my two weeks notice last week. I was at work and one of the teenagers got pissed at me and punched the wall inches to the side of my face. That was the last straw. Both my physical and mental health were being threatened. I just thought I'd give an update.

Anxiety is worse than its been in a long time....going to work and everyone knowing I'm quitting. I feel their stares at the back of my head!
namelessmiracle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2012, 11:36 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 24



Default

There aren't any stares at the back of your head. I'm sure that job requires a very special personality type. Of which your co-workers understand and are not going to judge you for leaving. I bet some of them are scared and just aren't brave enough to admit it. Maybe some of them envy your choice to leave?! I don't know... just guessing.
Atlantadude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2012, 11:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
QuietandShy's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 142



Default

I would look for another job. You need to be at a job where you can use your special skills and grow not one that is hindering you.
QuietandShy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Always Wanting What I Can't Have theraven Frustration 3 02-28-2011 03:09 PM
Not wanting to go to work because of social anxiety. bobster231 Coping With Social Anxiety 4 09-08-2008 07:02 PM
Wanting to run away from home but then wanting to come back ToledoBrian Frustration 6 04-20-2008 09:09 PM
still wanting the friend instead of doing school work Gerard Students 1 02-03-2008 10:17 AM
Is wanting/not wanting to have kids a deal breaker? Prodigal Son Relationships 20 07-26-2006 04:59 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:12 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.