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Old 02-24-2009, 12:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Unhappy No one takes me seriously.

I'll admit, my life right now is pretty much a joke, I have no job, and I get no respect. I like to think of myself as a free-spirited person by nature, when I'm not anxious. I like to have fun, I like to joke around, and I act silly sometimes.

But I feel like very few people in my life take me seriously, mostly my parents. My dad constantly ridicules me and puts me down calling me "lazy" "dumb", etc. etc. I wish I could say that what he says to me doesn't affect me, but it does, and I just wish he could have some trust in me, but it seems like he's always viewed me as an incompetent, and I think he truly believes that I won't amount to anything, although he would never say that to me directly.

When I'm not reserved to myself I try to have a good time with everyone, but I feel like I'm just on the other end of people's jokes, and I can handle that, but I just feel like they really don't take me seriously.

I feel a certain unsatisfaction with the way I present myself, its a lot better than how depressed I was a few months ago, but still. What am I doing wrong? What can I do here to allow myself to be presented as a respectful person, all while I getting to have fun with myself and with other people?
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I've felt something like what you're descibing, and its no fun to feel that way. Especially when its a parent that isn't being supportive, or is being the opposite of supportive. Sorry you're going through this.

It is an opportunity to develop the ability to support yourself (emotionally). I don't do it well at 51, but you're young and you have lots of time to take yourself seriously enough that other's opinions won't matter so much.
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Old 02-24-2009, 09:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Atticus, thanks. I always appreciate hearing from an older man, I'm sure you've experienced more hurt than I have, and I'm sure you have a better knowledge on how to deal with it , so I appreciate what you have to say.

As for being kinder to myself, it is something that I have been working on and have improved upon remarkably through certain interventions, and am still working on to this day. I hope to someday develop an independent personality in which what others say does not effect me, but I'm not quite there yet and I just want to know what's the safest way to make it out of this situation alive, because I feel that I am wasting a lot of psychic energy on this.
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Old 02-24-2009, 10:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Im 21 and my parents still try to influence every decision i make. And it kills me to say that they usually end up winning and i feel like im not even a real person. The sad part is, i live on my own.. It's almost like they think that theres no way i could possibly function without one of them being involved all the time to practically tell me what to do. I don't know if that means they don't take me serious, but it sure does make me feel like crap.
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Old 02-24-2009, 10:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Yup, I can relate to that, they have absolutely no trust in my ability to function in this world independently, and you know what maybe they're right, but I would rather have them give me the chance to **** up on my own, rather than having them trying to make me see the significance in my own personal failures.
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Old 02-25-2009, 02:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Remember they don't know how you think. My parents are quite the same, they use negative bashing to motivate me. It's not very encouraging. Your parents might just be over protective or your dad is truly negative and you'll have to ignore him. For me I tell myself two quotes "respect has to be earned and not demanded," and "Respect yourself and others will follow." The demand for respect is the ego talking and can't expect everyone to respect you when you do nothing. Of course you can't always have it with everyone and have to develop a thick skin.

I use to be a class clown and it sounds like you have a need to be funny/impress people. It's an approval hunger and thus I lacked the self respect. Sorry if i'm wrong. Do new people you meet take you seriously though? Because my old projected self image has been harder to change with my longer-term friends since they have been too use to me.
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Old 02-25-2009, 09:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Do you ever have that thought in your head that you just want to "leave this place" and go somewhere else with all new faces and not have anyone to influence your decisions? I constantly think that, but I know I can't do it in reality because my anxiety just simply will not let me. I just get this sense of failure, that I will never get away from my family and I will never be able to do what I really want to do. I know my parents will most likely die before I do, but thats sort of a morbid way to look at it lol. Roverred had a good point that your parents don't know how you think, but using negative bashing to motivate you? That sounds a little strange to me. Not exactly what I would do if I were a parent, but perhaps that is just me..

Ok I got a little off track here, but I felt I needed to add that.
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Old 02-25-2009, 08:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by roverred View Post
Remember they don't know how you think. My parents are quite the same, they use negative bashing to motivate me. It's not very encouraging. Your parents might just be over protective or your dad is truly negative and you'll have to ignore him. For me I tell myself two quotes "respect has to be earned and not demanded," and "Respect yourself and others will follow." The demand for respect is the ego talking and can't expect everyone to respect you when you do nothing. Of course you can't always have it with everyone and have to develop a thick skin.

I use to be a class clown and it sounds like you have a need to be funny/impress people. It's an approval hunger and thus I lacked the self respect. Sorry if i'm wrong. Do new people you meet take you seriously though? Because my old projected self image has been harder to change with my longer-term friends since they have been too use to me.
My dad has always had some pretty bad anger issues, but I just realized, your right he probably is over protective, god that sounds so pathetic, I'm almost 19 years old and I'm still viewed as their "little boy".

"respect has to be earned and not demanded,"

I guess I do kind of have a bit of an ego trip, but I don't entirely agree with this quote, especially when it comes to parenting because it can work the other way around. If my parents treat me with little trust and respect, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that's the trouble I feel I'm having with my parents right now. Although cicumstantially and in most cases your quote is true, I just don't feel it has to apply to the family unit.

And to answer your question of course I'm having a struggle shaking my existing image with the people I already know. But I feel that the more people get to know me the more I shhow that image that I don't like. New people I meet can take me seriously, depending on the circumstance and the persona I put forth, sometimes I'll be viewed as an incompetent, and sometimes I'll be viewed as a respectable guy usually based on a short interaction that I have with someone, it all depends on how mentally sharp I am at the moment in which it occurs.
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Old 02-25-2009, 08:20 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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You could try talking to your dad about how you feel when he does that. If he doesn't change, then you don't have to let his comments get to you. You could also be around him less. I certainly don't ridicule you. Not at all. I think your issue is a very legitimate issue. I used to have this issue even. In addition to your dad, you could also let others who crack jokes about you know that you don't appreciate their joking, and that you're offended. If they are legitimate friends, then they will change. If they don't, don't hang around them.
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Old 02-26-2009, 05:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Yeah I can see how it can be self fullfilling. Yeah one can only do so much about their image situation about people who have known them for a long time. People are very intolerant of change, especially once they've labeled somebody. We can't control how people think but I think the best thing you can do is just improve on yourself to the image you like and if they can't accept you've changed, then you know what type of people they are.
My older friends always see me as the clown, even though i've stopped being one majority of the time. Sometimes my old habits do kick again when I'm around them and I revert to it. It's like an indirect peer pressure from them. Not being around my old friends as much and trying to find out who I am and what I want in life has helped me find myself better

One thing that really helped me back then was was I being who I wanted to be (maybe you dont know who you are) or the super,confident, player, intelligent,funny,accomplished guy that I believe everybody else needs me to be? If that relates at all. I find it makes it easier if instead of trying to be the certain image you want yourself to be, you accept the image you are at the moment. Then analyze how you behave and see what you can do to improve. It can be less pressure to be the best all the time and less frustrating since it doesnt put them in control of you.

Okay I'm starting to feel like a preacher. Just something i've been really focusing on as well.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:04 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by roverred View Post
best thing you can do is just improve on yourself to the image you like and if they can't accept you've changed, then you know what type of people they are.

One thing that really helped me back then was was I being who I wanted to be (maybe you dont know who you are) or the super,confident, player, intelligent,funny,accomplished guy that I believe everybody else needs me to be? If that relates at all. I find it makes it easier if instead of trying to be the certain image you want yourself to be, you accept the image you are at the moment. Then analyze how you behave and see what you can do to improve. It can be less pressure to be the best all the time and less frustrating since it doesnt put them in control of you.
Agreed, building upon acceptance of yourself and self knowledge is like making your immune system for peer pressure a lot stronger. I can relate to being a people pleaser its a big part of my SA.
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