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Old 12-18-2006, 09:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default No friends or boyfriend, depression

I am a 25 year old woman. I can't say that I've ever had a friend, or a boyfriend. I am nearly housebound, I leave my apartment about once a week, and only because I have to. I get incredably lonely sometimes. I have agoraphobia as well as social anxiety, it has ruined my life basically. I want friends, and a boyfriend, but I never am in public so I don't know how.

Does anyone else relate to this? How do you cope with it? Life seems meaningless without anyone to share it with.
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Old 12-18-2006, 10:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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With a name like Rydia, you must be a final Fantasy Fan?

I can relate to your post so much. I'm agoraphobic myself. My situation is very similar to yours. I go out about once a week and thats mostly if i have to. I try to go for walks everyday, but it doesn't always work out well. Last year i was homebound for months...only going out to get food and visit my familly. Now i'm a little better. I can go out and do more things(for longer periods of time) which feels good.
Like you, i have no friend or a girlfriend. I do have a couple of good online friends and they help a lot, but i get way too lonely sometimes

I don't cope very well with it, though. I get badly depressed...and i'm very moody from day to day.
I used to drink and do drugs to cope, but i don't take that option anymore.
Will it get better? I have no idea, but i'm trying to fight it, at least And it gets better and better...slowly, but i'll take that over a stop anytime
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Old 12-18-2006, 11:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Rydia,

A lot of people here, including myself, can relate. I am 31 years old and have never even been on a date. Men are supposed to initiate, too. Personally, the agoraphobia would have to be something I would need to conquer first. Everything will seem overwhelming otherwise. I want to be comfortable going places - no fear of people trying to cause me harm (you know, socially). I also want to be comfortable holding regular conversations. Then, I can move into relationships.
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Old 12-18-2006, 11:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, I feel the same way. I don't have agoraphobia, but I do have moderate social anxiety. Like a lot of people with SA, I don't have any friends or a girlfriend. I get episodes of terrible feelings of loneliness, depression, etc. I'm trying to get over it on my own. I really do think I can do it without professional help, but maybe I'm just delusional.

How do I cope with it? I just try not to think about it. I have started exercising again, and I find it takes a ton of stress and depression off. I highly recommend it.
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Old 12-19-2006, 12:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I don't have a boyfriend or friends either. I usually don't feel lonely about it, but at the same time, I realize I can't stay this way forever, and feel some urgency to improve my situation.
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Old 12-19-2006, 01:58 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

You could talk to a therapist about it or get a self-help book.

You might want to practice getting outside for a least 1 hour each day. You can take a walk, sit on the beach, ride a bike, or shop at the mall.

I was pretty similar to you when I was 23.5-24.5. Then I got a job and it forced me to interact with others. I still don't have many friends here, but it is possible to have a totally changed life in just a few years.
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Old 12-19-2006, 04:13 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

I have always had bad agoraphobia. Anxiety attacks, dizziness etc... like i have taken a strange drug or something. Which has lead to a not so great social life and zero GFs because i often hate leaving the house. If you haven't tried SSRI medication then i would suggest you to talk to a doctor.
It will not cure you but it's worth a try and has atleast made me function somewhat like a "normal" person.
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Old 12-19-2006, 05:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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i think alot of people from this board can relate. Iam 28, no friends, no girlfriend, no social life, but iam slowly making changes, i've started seeing a counsellor and gp, and they have provided me with advice on the best way to escape my rut. There is no easy fix and its going to take time and work.
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Old 12-19-2006, 06:14 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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27 years old, no friends no girlfriend and i feel the same way

I've been a bit of a recluse for many years and slowly trying to make changes by working in a more social job/situation.

It's difficult, really difficult at times....i'm up early this morning because of some experiences i've had lastnight....i just feel so tense and uncomfortable in some situations. A part of me wants to act out and just be but another part of me is holding me back...ugh
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Old 12-19-2006, 06:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

i can relate somewhat. im 29, single with no friends. i do go out but its for necessities such as work, gym, groceries, etc. i tend to stay at home most of the times. although ive gotten in touch with three old (high school and army) friends, ive only hung out with one of them once. sometimes it doesnt faze me, other times i get depressed. i'll be seeing a psych soon if i dont keep on pushing that back
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Old 12-19-2006, 07:16 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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It's like when you get a bad cut. You may feel like you can wait and it'll heal itself, but pretty soon it just gets infected and affects other parts of your body. And pretty soon after that you start to see this illness as being apart of what makes you you, like you deserve it so you should pay.

I encourage you all to get help from a professional if you can. If you can't afford it or something, try going to a commnunity clinic or church groups. It's practically impossible for anyone to overcome these debilitating illnesses on their own. Like Carbon said, SSRI's have helped me too but you need to actively pursue help. It's not just going to disappear.
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Old 12-19-2006, 09:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

I can relate Rydia.

Does anyone else feel afraid to tell others that you've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend? I am worried that if or when I tell someone I've never had a g/f, they will be really turned off/ freaked, etc. I don't really want to tell them that I have had social anxiety either, it's embarrassing. It's not something I would look forward to, and hopefully something will happen as to how I can deal with it.
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Old 12-19-2006, 09:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

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Originally Posted by constantly_trying
I can relate Rydia.

Does anyone else feel afraid to tell others that you've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend? I am worried that if or when I tell someone I've never had a g/f, they will be really turned off/ freaked, etc. I don't really want to tell them that I have had social anxiety either, it's embarrassing. It's not something I would look forward to, and hopefully something will happen as to how I can deal with it.
I feel very embarassed/scared of telling someone i've had no girlfriend because to me it feels like I'm different than everyone else (Its peer pressure in a sense) and the biggest thing to me is that I'm inexperienced in relationships so If I were to get into my first relationship It would be a whole new experience and I wouldn't be sure how to be.

I've told someone i've had social anxiety/anxiety and I think it helps A LOT actually, it made me feel like I could say I've been strange/weird because of the anxiety etc but after telling this person I just find it hard to be happy now...its like i've labeled myself the anxiety freak and can't be happy (I don't know)...argh...
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Old 12-19-2006, 10:29 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

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Originally Posted by constantly_trying
I can relate Rydia.

Does anyone else feel afraid to tell others that you've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend? I am worried that if or when I tell someone I've never had a g/f, they will be really turned off/ freaked, etc. I don't really want to tell them that I have had social anxiety either, it's embarrassing. It's not something I would look forward to, and hopefully something will happen as to how I can deal with it.
I do. I fear the day someone finds out I've never had a boyfriend, especially since I don't talk about my anxiety so I can't use that as an excuse. I try to avoid social situations where the topic of relationships may come up, and when it does I try to change the subject without it looking like I'm trying to change the subject.
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Old 12-19-2006, 11:06 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

I wouldn't be afraid about telling someone that you have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have had a boyfriend and see it as a lot of pressure that if I like someone that I want to make there first relationship good and their first time special.

I have no friends, either, but I am making an effort to do things by myself. Take small baby steps and expose yourself slowly. You have to think, do I really want to stay like this? I'm sure that we all know the answer to that. I'm not on meds and people in my local support group are getting on meds that are effective and are working for them.
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Old 12-20-2006, 03:02 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

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Originally Posted by SAgirl
I wouldn't be afraid about telling someone that you have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have had a boyfriend and see it as a lot of pressure that if I like someone that I want to make there first relationship good and their first time special.

Maybe that's because you have been i n a relationship??

When you are in your mid 20's and over most people think your asexual or gay if you've never had a GF. How strange people will think you are depends on your age. I would probably say that i have almost been in one a couple of times but it didn't work out (which is true) but if i could i would probably avoid the question.

Fortunately i'm not alone because i know atleast 3 guys IRL over 25 that have never been in a relationship so it's not extremely wierd.
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Old 02-14-2007, 04:34 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rydia
I am a 25 year old woman. I can't say that I've ever had a friend, or a boyfriend. I am nearly housebound, I leave my apartment about once a week, and only because I have to. I get incredably lonely sometimes. I have agoraphobia as well as social anxiety, it has ruined my life basically. I want friends, and a boyfriend, but I never am in public so I don't know how.

Does anyone else relate to this? How do you cope with it? Life seems meaningless without anyone to share it with.
Rydia, this is terrible situation. You should not have to live like this. Have you tried talking to a doc about trying an SSRI or something? Those can do a good bit to take the edge off.

Talking about it here is a big step and something you can be proud of build on that can lead to better things. You have to keep faith that things will get better and you will have friends and a BF in the future. You deserve to be happy.
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Old 02-14-2007, 06:08 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rydia
I am a 25 year old woman. I can't say that I've ever had a friend, or a boyfriend.
I have never had a friend or a boyfriend either. It's hard to deal with at times, but I can't say that I even know what I'm missing. It's really difficult for me not to just throw myself off a bridge, because it's unbearably lonely. It has always been. Some people can use the internet to form connections (however superficial -or not- these connections may be), but I don't feel comfortable enough to do that. Anyway, people usually get sick of me. At least I used to be able to joke about my appalling existence, but I can't even do that anymore. There's nothing funny about any of it. There is no way I can cope with this.
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Old 02-14-2007, 06:40 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Default re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

Wow, I see a few gals that have no boyfriend. I thought the girls were almost born with a boyfriend. Most of the girls I know had boyfriends since grammar school. At my age, most of them have a load of kids as well. Huh........
surprising. Maybe there's hope for me and my anxious existance.
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Old 02-14-2007, 09:24 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: No friends or boyfriend, depression

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I've fabricated stories about past relationships before. I just didn't want to see the response when a 20 year old man tells someone that he's never had a girlfriend before. Maybe I should have just told the truth; perhaps they would have tried to help me. If you knew of someone my age that has never had a girlfriend, and you didn't know they had SAD, you would either assume they were gay or were a complete weirdo. I don't plan on telling anyone about SAD.
I am right in the same boat with you. When people ask why I don't have a boyfriend (and suprisingly, I get asked this quite a bit,) I have told people that I have had only a few serious relationships because I am so extremely picky when it comes to men. The truth is, I never have had a boyfriend because I have been so terrified that I will do or say something that will be a turn off for them, but I don't want people to think I am wierd because I haven't been in a relationship. So I lie, and I always feel so terrible about myself when I do.
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