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Old 08-26-2012, 09:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default My new college roommate is a loner

A little about me: In high school, I suffered from SA a bunch. I was a super quiet kid with no friends. I decided to change and when I went to college, I became much more talkative and confident socially. I have a large social life now, but I still have SA. It doesn't show on the outside, but I still get very nervous in social situations.

Right now, I am a college sophomore. Most people choose friends for rooming. I had that option, but I wanted random roommate again. The reason was because I didn't think I could stand my friends as roommates and I just wanted to room with someone who I wasn't really friends with......a "come and go" thing I guess.

I was warned by my friends to not go random because there could be some crazy people. I downplayed that......

Now, it's not that my new roommate is crazy. He's a very nice guy from what I've seen so far. But he's a loner and that's what he wants. He's VERY awkward as well. He's an international student and he has traveled all over for his whole life. He's incredibly smart and learns languages as a hobby (he knows 8 so far). And like I said, he doesn't do anything, which he enjoys.

But it's starting to creep me out now. I came back from hanging out at 1AM last night and he was just chilling in the dark playing games. He enjoys the dark a lot. And every time I walk in, he gets startled. He's never had a roommate before either.

I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the whole year. He's a nice guy and all, but it's just weird to me. It's eerie.

Does anyone know how to deal with this?
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Old 08-26-2012, 10:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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What is there to deal with? He is not bothering you at all. Your post sounds judgmental to me. Doesn't SA make you quiet too? Surely you two should be able to get along well? Forgive me, but after reading one particular thread on here I can't help but question if this thread is serious.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Be brave, get over yourself, just be cool, expand your own circle of acceptance a bit. Hey just be grateful that he isn't pissing in your closet or stealing your stuff or screwing your girlfriend.

Some people have very active minds and they stay up late doing mental activities.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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That guy sounds like me at boarding school
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by fire mage64 View Post
What is there to deal with? He is not bothering you at all. Your post sounds judgmental to me. Doesn't SA make you quiet too? Surely you two should be able to get along well? Forgive me, but after reading one particular thread on here I can't help but question if this thread is serious.
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Be brave, get over yourself, just be cool, expand your own circle of acceptance a bit. Hey just be grateful that he isn't pissing in your closet or stealing your stuff or screwing your girlfriend.

Some people have very active minds and they stay up late doing mental activities.
These. I would have killed to have a room mate that wasn't a giant tool, so what if he's quiet and keeps to himself.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Be understanding? Since you have friends, it's not like you're going to be in your room 24/7. You should be glad that at least he's not one of those people who go to bed early. If he was one of those people, he might think you're the crappy roommate when you're coming in at those early morning hours. If the dark bothers you that much, then try to make a compromise with him. It shouldn't be hard since you're confident now.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Sounds like a good roommate. He is nice, quiet and minds his own business. If that is a bad roommate in your eyes you have been spoiled. Wait until you get someone who eats your food, never cleans up and listens to loud annoying music 24/7.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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*Comes to a social anxiety website... complains about loners.*



Seriously you be trolling.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:40 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by fire mage64 View Post
What is there to deal with? He is not bothering you at all. Your post sounds judgmental to me. Doesn't SA make you quiet too? Surely you two should be able to get along well? Forgive me, but after reading one particular thread on here I can't help but question if this thread is serious.
It's understandable that you would question the thread. As I read it again, it does sound quite judgmental and yeah, maybe fake. I do invite you to glance over my postings here though, as I am sure you will find I am a reputable poster here. This is 100% true.

I didn't mean to come across as judgmental though. The guy is awesome. Really. He's super smart and his life is incredible. He's traveled the world (been to all 7 continents) and really is nice.

Now to get to the point, and I am going to try to explain it better here: I do have SA, but am very sociable. I know that may not make sense, but I am. I love people, I love meeting people, and I generally have good social skills. The SA I have is pretty mild. I know how to talk with people, but I struggle with anxiety on the inside. In other words, people would never think I have SA, but I do.

So my issue in this situation is that he really doesn't seem to have any desire to be sociable but I do. I literally come back to the room and he's always there. I want to leave the door open to meet people but he always asks me to lock it when I leave. I am wondering how to deal with this contrast.

I hope I explained it better, I truly do apologize for coming off so judgmental. I'm asking this on here because this board has been a great asset in assisting me so far and I feel yall can help me. Thanks!
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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He just sounds super introverted. From your post he doesn't seem to be doing anything terrible, just keeping to himself. Trust me you coulda ended up with a lot worse going with a random roommate. What exactly is the thing that is bugging you just how quiet he is? You said you were super quiet yourself back in HS so can't you relate? Maybe try to get to know him better and maybe he will become a little more social or you might get to know why he is the way he is.
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Old 08-26-2012, 11:44 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Sounds like your an extrovert with some SA. He sound like an introvert. Maybe read up a little about introverts and you can better understand him? A lot of stuff thats enjoyable to an introvert is almost a complete 180 for what extroverts like and thus comes off as strange.
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:05 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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congratulations to your social life, excuse us loners for creeping you out you prick
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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He just sounds super introverted. From your post he doesn't seem to be doing anything terrible, just keeping to himself. Trust me you coulda ended up with a lot worse going with a random roommate. What exactly is the thing that is bugging you just how quiet he is? You said you were super quiet yourself back in HS so can't you relate? Maybe try to get to know him better and maybe he will become a little more social or you might get to know why he is the way he is.
It's hard to say what exactly bugs me about it. I guess it's the fact that he doesn't desire to really be sociable. He's always doing homework or gaming, which involves talking with other gamers, so I feel guilty when I have a friend over and were chatting. We try to include him and chat with him, but he really just has no desire to. Or leaving the door open or listening to music out loud or something every once in a while. That's the issue that I'm having. I don't mind an introvert, but when it gets to the point where the person is literally anti-social, I have a hard time and that's where I need help from others.

My roommate last year was awesome. We weren't friends or anything. But he literally partied 5-6 nights a week, came in late at night, wasn't incredibly organized, sold weed from the room, and I had walked in on him a couple times with girls. Certain things pissed me off at the time for the short-term, but long-term, it worked out great. This current situation seems to be more of a long-term issue in that the whole year he may be anti-social. It's nothing that would get me that mad in the moment, but would be hard to deal with for a whole year.
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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congratulations to your social life, excuse us loners for creeping you out you prick
I'm not trying to piss anyone off. I am asking for help. My first post was NOT well thought-out and I further explained my thoughts in what I believed to be a well thought-out manner after. I took the blame and apologized for that so PLEASE look at the whole thread. I feel that my posts on this site have been good and reputable, so do take a look at my posts on here.

I feel I have kept my cool on here despite being attacked, so I really would appreciate if people could look past the first post and look at my other postings on this thread before attacking me.

Thanks.
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, being in a dorm would suck, where do you screw, where do you masturbate?
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:16 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Ha Ha Ha.....you have it so bad.....
privileged rotten college kid...has to share a room with quiet guy.....
You don't have any real problems.

No, but for real....

Be respectful and lock the door when you leave the room just like he asks.

Ummm, Just IGNORE him.

Chances are he is ignoring you anyhow. Most introverts are sort of bubbled into their OWN worlds. He probably doesn't notice you as much as you notice him.

So lets see you are already anticipating that you have a reason to get mad at him.

Mad at him for being antisocial?

Antisocial actually means a person that doesn't follow social rules and has violent tendencies.

I think this is like you establishing your pecking order over him....

You are not telling all.....what really is your deal....why do you hate this guy so much?

You simply wish he wasn't there. Well, maybe he is a homebody.

No, really I have read the posts, you are judgmental and you don't like him even if you give the polite lip service about not being judgmental you are.

What his he studying? What are you studying?




---Set him up on a date....

Maybe you just need to date sorority girls that have those rooms all to themselves.

Even better....go rent an apartment then you can have your own room so you and your girlfriends can have the privacy you need.






Um, no it's not okay for you to get angry at this guy just because you think you might be able to get away with it since he is mild mannered. ---This appears to be where you are going with this. He has his own things to deal with. He is not there to satisfy you.

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Old 08-26-2012, 12:21 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DS29790bb View Post
I'm not trying to piss anyone off. I am asking for help. My first post was NOT well thought-out and I further explained my thoughts in what I believed to be a well thought-out manner after. I took the blame and apologized for that so PLEASE look at the whole thread. I feel that my posts on this site have been good and reputable, so do take a look at my posts on here.

I feel I have kept my cool on here despite being attacked, so I really would appreciate if people could look past the first post and look at my other postings on this thread before attacking me.

Thanks.
i mean what are we supposed to tell you ?

this guy is a loner, he enjoys darkness, gaming and being alone

that is his being, his personality, and you cannot change him without using illegal mind control torture, so you have 2 options at this point, you either deal with the situation, live with him and accept him, or you take action and find a way to get a new roommate, there is nothing else to be done, the sooner you accept these 2 options as universal truth you won't progress with this problem

so make a list, take a paper and make a line in the middle, write pro's and con's, and start writing everything down, why he should/shouldn't be your roommate, I'm sure you'll come to a conclusion, are you ready to face the work necessary to get rid of him ? if so then go for it, he'll find somebody else to piss off with his genetics that aren't accepted in this world

but please don't try to change him, that's a no no

one last thing, thanks for not responding like a prick
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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i'd kill for a room mate like that, OP..

this is not a personal attack.. but man, what i wouldn't give in my college years to have someone like that..

One house mate i had in college? she was a psyche major.. well, that went without saying.. her boyfriend was a flat nut case..

One night i came home from school, and there was a homeless man sitting in our living room. the psyche major's boyfriend just brought him in - and he doesn't even live there.

It just became one nightmare after another. Whenever she wasn't around, and i was in the shower, thank gawd there was a lock on the door.. He would try to get in while i was in the shower. When he found out that i wasn't interested in him? it got even worse. I got my **** got in my car drove back to San diego where i originally lived. I drove 4 hours a day to college (2 hrs. up and 2 hrs. back) to avoid another room mate situation..

You are soooooooo lucky..
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:22 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Why don't you try and show some interest in what he is doing and try and form some sort of friendship? Maybe once you two get to know each other more it wont be so creepy for you. For some people it takes a while for them to open up to others and maybe he hasn't reached that point with you yet.
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Old 08-26-2012, 12:34 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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The reason was because I didn't think I could stand my friends as roommates and I just wanted to room with someone who I wasn't really friends with......a "come and go" thing I guess.
This is what you wanted right? Sounds like you don't really know what you want.
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