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Old 12-04-2011, 02:23 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default My Mind goes Blank

I find that when I'm in a group my mind goes completely blank. I can't think of anything to say at all. Often times I just laugh to hide my silence, even if stuff isn't really funny.

When talking one on one I think so hard about what I'm going to say to the other person that I don't take in what they are actually saying, making it hard to talk to them.

How can I get over this? It seems impossible.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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That's my biggest issue too!
I don't get these "everyone is looking at me" type thoughts, i just go totally blank and have a panic attack. Sucks.
I usually just make a clever quip based on what was said recently. Or say I dunno really, what do you think (other person in the group)? To pass the focus on.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Damn same problem here. This is the most annoying part of my ..lack of socialness. When it comes to my turn to speak there is just nothingness, or I end up saying something ridiculously stupid because I cannot think of anything else, otherwise I say nothing at all. I think hardly ever socialising throughout my childhood, teen years and still now is what has caused it I never practised enough. I'm really scared for when I finally find work..what the hell will I talk about with co-workers.

Do you just have this issue in groups or also one to one?, mine is unfortunately both.
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:31 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Major issue for me as well. When I do speak, my throat gets tight and I sound
Hoarse and I have trouble focussing during a group discussion.
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubnRun View Post
Damn same problem here. This is the most annoying part of my ..lack of socialness. When it comes to my turn to speak there is just nothingness, or I end up saying something ridiculously stupid because I cannot think of anything else, otherwise I say nothing at all. I think hardly ever socialising throughout my childhood, teen years and still now is what has caused it
Dub, I experience the same thing but over time have stopped putting myself down with self-defeating thoughts of how stupid and socially inept I am. You have to think of what you experience as more of an anxiety attack that you fall into than your lack of social experience or ability. Certain times you may act fine like when dealing with a close friend or family member, so you are not stupid - anxiety doesn't allow us to function normally, we have to learn to manage it. Evidence suggests social anxiety is genetically related.

I find it difficult to speak, let alone voluntarily, in groups. My throat also tightens severely and makes it worse, because when I talk it's so quiet people are constantly asking me to speak up
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Old 12-04-2011, 10:13 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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No, I'm able to carry on a conversation in one on one situations with strangers for a while. However, once I get to know them they realize I don't open up very much and I start to have problems. It's weird, I'm more comfortable with strangers then people I know.
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Old 12-04-2011, 10:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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My mind goes blank too during situations of which I am nervous in...like being around groups of people. I just don't know how to act and say.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I have same issue, makes it hard to meet new people and make new friends which is what I always want to do. I know in my head I have good things to say and can make good conversation, but in real life situations with someone right in front of me I just shut down and then I start feeling awkward trying to fill the silence. Then I start feeling self conscious because I know they see my awkwardness, then I just want to get out of the situation
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Yea, this is how I am too. I don't know how to carry on a conversation. When people ask how i am, i respond with, "good." Then they say, that's good. End of Conversation. If i do decide to talk, i talk too fast, they ask what, then i feel stupid and repeat myself.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Story of my life.
Happened just yesterday at a friend's baby shower.
I hate this.
I find that I too, can barely project my voice.
I get super nervous if I don't say a word and am just standing there.
I start to fidget ( play with my hair, clothes, whatever....)
I get the feeling everyone notices me this way.
I start getting hot and blush I am sure.
I just want to escape.
The times I run off to the bathroom seemed like the moments I was the most calm.
If someone is trying to talk to me in times like these I can barely understand what they are saying because I am trying so hard to maintain my cool.
If I am with a group of extroverts I shut down. I am not myself, so I avoid speaking as to not make a fool out of myself.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, my mind goes blank talking to anyone, although most often when i've got to talk to more than one person at a time i can't manage that at all.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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You know, the way some people describe taking tests in school is pretty much how I feel in social situations. I could take a final with a clear head and dry palms, but when I have to make conversation with someone I just met, it's like someone has a gun on me.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default My experience..

I've experienced what you are talking about numerous times throughout my life and I can conclude that it is due to nervous tension. When you're nervous, your mind is in Beta state which means it is in a Fight or Flight response mode. It's very difficult to concentrate on social interactions when you're nervous and anxious. Your mind becomes clouded with negative thoughts. This is what Social Anxiety is all about. Anxiousness around others.

Now imagine playing around with your nephew or niece, you have all kinds of things to say don't you? You're relaxed, playful, not anxious. Your mind is free because you're not nervous. It's around people of social status that we become anxious because we fear their judgement of us. We obviously don't have this issue with our nephew or niece. I hope this makes sense.
The way to get over this is through a process called "Progressive Desensitization". It's a CBT thing. It's basically exposing yourself to feared situations gradually over and over again until you become less anxious. Once the nerves go away, your mind can relax, and you'll be able to listen to others and you'll have plenty of things to say. This takes time and patience and diligent work ethic but it will pay off in the end. Good luck!
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xTaylor View Post
Yea, this is how I am too. I don't know how to carry on a conversation. When people ask how i am, i respond with, "good." Then they say, that's good. End of Conversation. If i do decide to talk, i talk too fast, they ask what, then i feel stupid and repeat myself.
Yep, Happens to me all the time. Always that awkwardness after the good. :/
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Old 12-04-2011, 01:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I go blank often as well, especially when I'm asked something at work. I realize, though, that I'm not a person who thinks fast on his feet. I'm a more methodical thinker, so I usually need to time to compose my thoughts and think through things before being able to answer. I don't know if there's any way around that.

In social situations, though, I think it helps to just pause and consider the question. Usually if I try to rush and respond quickly, I'll trip over what I'm saying and just get self-conscious.
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Old 12-04-2011, 01:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...-101-a-126784/
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Old 12-04-2011, 01:30 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I have the same exact issue as well. I fail in group conversations. I wish I had some advice to give, but as soon as I find myself in a group setting, I desperately try to find a reason to flee. :/
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