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Old 03-03-2011, 04:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Mother causing anxiety/social anxiety

I am 23 yrs old and have been dealing with a social anxiety/general anxiety since I was 15. I have been to therapy and my mother always disagreed with everything the therapist said. It was almost more stressful just trying to go to therapy.

Anways I think I have been doing well. I have not been able to hold any job except one BUT I learned that some jobs just arent for some people. Everybody has things they are good at and things that they just can not do. I learned that I like routine and working with the same group of people as much as possible, SO I decided to take a CNA class. I figure I'll work nights when there won't be so many visitors and over time I will work on my SAD.

I have to get through the class first which I am very nervous about! Well my mother just happens to know this 19 y/o guy who is also taking the class. Not only does this hyper and attentnion seeking guy annoy me but he use to be a known drug dealer. Well my mother volunteered me to give him a ride to and from school, after I already said that neither me or my fiance is comfortable with it. This is making my anxiety sky rocket and its also making me angry because it feels like she wants me to fail.

This class is SOOO important for me. It is a huge step that I am really looking forward to, and I cannot miss any days because of anxiety. My fiance who has been helping me with everything for the past 3 years and really showing me how to finally live says it almost seems like my mom wants me to fail so that I can "hang out with her" all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Oh and I have to say that this guy is completely obnoxious, extremely loud, and if I am near him its going to draw attention to me = major social anxiety. He's pretty much the clown at the circus that I would avoid!
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Old 03-03-2011, 04:19 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Welcome to SAS!

I hope the best for you with your CNA class. There are so many places and patients that need good CNAs to help them.

I'm sorry that your mother is causing you so much anxiety. While she might mean well and want the best for you, she seems to be unaware of the pressure and anxiety she is putting you through. I don't know your mother and thus don't know what the best way to approach her would be, but have you tried talking to her about it? Let he know that while you love her and appreciate her attention and guidance, you are feeling smothered and anxious due to her interference.

In the end, it is your life and only you can decide how you want to live it. While family is important, they cannot control and dictate your life. They can show you a path, but they cannot make you walk it. Like you said, it could be that on some level she wants you to fail because she can't let you go. She might have empty nest syndrome, but birds got to fly! I know it will be hard, but i think the best thing would be to politely let your mom know how you feel and you need your space.

If you are uncomfortable riding with this guy, then don''t do it. Period. No one should force you to be alone with someone that you are uncomfortable with.
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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My mom was the main cause of my social phobia. She constantly criticize me on the way I look or the way I behave ever since I was little. Growing up I have this extreme consciousness on how to behave in front of a crowd, strangers and even family relatives. But I've read about mindfulness meditation and tried to practice it on my own. It basically tells you how to distract your mind from your uncomfortable thoughts about yourself and focus more on your surroundings.
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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My mom is a huge trigger of my social anxiety. She feeds the monster his steady diet of lies. According to her the world is out to get me. I need to mind everything I say and never let anyone know anything about me. Just name rank and serial number.

Now on to your issue. You need to tell your mom to stop boundary stomping your life. Say Eff Off. She might get upset. Oh well!
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Old 04-29-2014, 06:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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And I know for someone with SA protecting boundaries is hard. I felt really lonely after enforcing healthy boundaries when I got married. :-(

People suck !
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