Meeting women

[kpx0]

I read some of the other threads in here about this subject and noticed most people saying they meet women through friends or school.
Now my problem is that there are no women in my circle of friends, and I extremely rarely have the company of women who are not family. School is not really an option either as about 99% of the people studying where I study are men. Going out to bars and similar don't really seem to work out for me, as I don't really like talking to women in night clubs/bars. People always seem way to drunk and the music is usually way to loud for civilized communication anyway. I just don't find it a very good place to meet new people in general.
My psychiatrist suggested that I join some club or similar for some of my interests. Problem is the only things I would join would be like a shooting club(practically no women) or a sports club, and sports clubs, for most sports, are always parted in female/male division, so that would be pointless. Anyone got any suggestions? What could I do or where could I go if I'd like to meet some women? And things like blind dating or speed dating or anything like that wouldn't work as I would sh*t my pants before I even got there.

[LiveFreeOrDieHard]

I'm in pretty much the same situation as you. Have you considered online dating? I think there would be less initial fear than blind dates or speed dating. I can't say for sure because I've never tried it. Created an account but never messaged anyone yet....

[wootmehver]

Originally Posted by kpx0

And things like blind dating or speed dating or anything like that wouldn't work as I would sh*t my pants before I even got there.

Me, too. We need to find us some women who have daily personal experience of SA, but not quite as badly as we have it. Thus, they would be more sympathetic than dating a flaming extrovert. Maybe you could try Craigslist.

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by LiveFreeOrDieHard

Have you considered online dating? I think there would be less initial fear than blind dates or speed dating.

Yes I have to some extent, meaning that I have created a simple profile and looked around. Problems is that I'm just as scared of contacting a girl over the internet as of doing it in real life. Basically the problem with dating sites is that you don't actually meet people. You just get a list of people who exist, and opportunity to contact them. But you still have to contact them. Basically a dating site is a phone book with a filter, if you know what I mean.
But I am considering creating a serious profile on this dating site I kinda like, and then hope that maybe I'll get over my fear and actually contact someone.

[Shaned0000]

Originally Posted by kpx0

Yes I have to some extent, meaning that I have created a simple profile and looked around. Problems is that I'm just as scared of contacting a girl over the internet as of doing it in real life. Basically the problem with dating sites is that you don't actually meet people. You just get a list of people who exist, and opportunity to contact them. But you still have to contact them. Basically a dating site is a phone book with a filter, if you know what I mean.
But I am considering creating a serious profile on this dating site I kinda like, and then hope that maybe I'll get over my fear and actually contact someone.

Absolutely go for it. I have been doing online dating for years and you learn a lot from it. There are pictures there sure and they will probably be the best we can look weather permitting or whatever. The great thing about online dating is you meet the personality first and all you have to go on and have a good conversation are your words. So you start focusing on how you word what your going to say, phrasing, timing a joke.

It actually does benefit you IRL, well in my case it did when it came to actually meeting up with the person.Also I send out lots of messages usually the same unless I am literally stopped in my tracks impressed with a girls profile to make it a bit more personal and genuine. The majority of messages you send won't be replied that is how it is to me and if you do more times then not you will get the nm u? kind of response which you should just give up on that person because it shows a lack of interest in the conversation no personality and no effort to even spell right.

Anyways All the best to you mate and look its hard to fail but its worse to never try and succeed. You should live by that saying. Don't be afraid of no reply or rejection. After all the few gems of women you do find will be absolutely worth it I can guarantee.

[clt851988]

I feel the same way about meeting guys. That's why I've been relying on meeting online for a long time . It would be nice though to meet people face to face too.

[rymo]

Online dating has worked and is working for me. Honestly, the thing you need to work on is getting over your fear of contacting women. That's it. That's where it has to start. How do you get over that fear? By facing it head on. Just go for it. Even if you get no responses right away, at least you will have made first contact and gotten used to that. Practicalhappiness.com has some great articles on online dating. Simplepickup on YouTube has great videos on approaching women in real life and getting over those "***** butterflies." I would scour the internet and see what other resources you can find on attracting women, and once you feel you've learned all you can learn from just reading about women, put that knowledge into action.

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by Shaned0000

Absolutely go for it. I have been doing online dating for years and you learn a lot from it. There are pictures there sure and they will probably be the best we can look weather permitting or whatever. The great thing about online dating is you meet the personality first and all you have to go on and have a good conversation are your words.

Really? My impression of most dating sites is that people don't really take it very serious and often just have a profile there for fun but don't really bother to check it very often.

[EZRAT]

Originally Posted by kpx0

Now my problem is that there are no women in my circle of friends, and I extremely rarely have the company of women who are not family.

second cousins or first?

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by EZRAT

second cousins or first?

Ehm.. I don't see how that's relevant but if you really wanna know, I have only 1 female first cousin, and my second cousins I never see. But I wasn't referring to cousins, just female family members in general.
Why are you asking?

[EZRAT]

Originally Posted by kpx0

Ehm.. I don't see how that's relevant but if you really wanna know, I have only 1 female first cousin, and my second cousins I never see. But I wasn't referring to cousins, just female family members in general.
Why are you asking?

just making sure you keep your options open dude!

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by EZRAT

just making sure you keep your options open dude!

Yeah, and then when I'm done dating my cousin I could date my sister . Not that I have a sister but that's not the point..
Well I don't know where you're from, but where I live you don't date your damn cousin. I've known her since we were little kids. She's close family. It's my uncles daughter for gods sake. I couldn't date her?! Maybe it's just a cultural thing idk.
Keeping my options open.. my cousin.. dude wtf..

[Puppet Master]

Originally Posted by kpx0

Yeah, and then when I'm done dating my cousin I could date my sister . Not that I have a sister but that's not the point..
Well I don't know where you're from, but where I live you don't date your damn cousin. I've known her since we were little kids. She's close family. It's my uncles daughter for gods sake. I couldn't date her?! Maybe it's just a cultural thing idk.
Keeping my options open.. my cousin.. dude wtf..

I think he was joking. But couldn't you have your cousin introduce you to someone? I know it doesn't always work out from experience for various reasons but still.

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by Puppet Master

I think he was joking. But couldn't you have your cousin introduce you to someone? I know it doesn't always work out from experience for various reasons but still.

Well I'm not that close to my cousin. Barely ever speak to her. So no. We don't have that kind of relationship. If we have any relationship at all. She would be freaked out if I started asking her things like that. Who would want to set up their cousin with one of their friends anyway lol..

[Shaned0000]

Originally Posted by kpx0

Really? My impression of most dating sites is that people don't really take it very serious and often just have a profile there for fun but don't really bother to check it very often.

Well that just happened to be what I wanted from an online dating site since I was shy growing up. I have a girlfriend of 3 years from it so it was a case of if you have nothing to lose why not like. Your right though a lot of people don't take it seriously, there the women I have encountered on dating sites who have no personality whatsoever and rely on their good lucks heavily. It really depends on what you want from it because if you view it that most people don't take it seriously or ever met up over it then your not going to take it seriously either and lose out on some gems for women you find on them.

So yes there are a lot of people who rely on online dating to met people and people do met up over it once trust is established.

[wildgrl]

Originally Posted by kpx0

And things like blind dating or speed dating or anything like that wouldn't work as I would sh*t my pants before I even got there.

Yea.. no kidding. And save your money on the online dating sites too. That dream get's expensive. been there..done that.

I don't know if I can help much... same issue but with men of course.. but JUST a thought...

I spend a lot of time in libraries, coffee shops, and botanical gardens. I don't go there to "be alone".. I go there because I can be alone (comfort level is good)... but still have a little interaction time with others. I'm not freaked out about someone coming up and saying hi, or starting a conversation. I absolutely AM freaked out in a bar/club. But I do see other woman - smart woman mind you - in the same places. Might be worth giving it a try.

I disagree with finding clubs. But that's just me. I don't know how sensitive you are...but joining a club for me automatically means my presence and character is going to be judged by others. And my natural reluctance isn't going to play out very well.

I have to mention my disclaimer: I think love, romance, and sex is over-rated. Just sayin.

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by wildgrl

Yea.. no kidding. And save your money on the online dating sites too. That dream get's expensive. been there..done that.

I don't know if I can help much... same issue but with men of course.. but JUST a thought...

I spend a lot of time in libraries, coffee shops, and botanical gardens. I don't go there to "be alone".. I go there because I can be alone (comfort level is good)... but still have a little interaction time with others. I'm not freaked out about someone coming up and saying hi, or starting a conversation. I absolutely AM freaked out in a bar/club. But I do see other woman - smart woman mind you - in the same places. Might be worth giving it a try.

I disagree with finding clubs. But that's just me. I don't know how sensitive you are...but joining a club for me automatically means my presence and character is going to be judged by others. And my natural reluctance isn't going to play out very well.

I have to mention my disclaimer: I think love, romance, and sex is over-rated. Just sayin.

Yeah well, coffee shops, libraries and botanic gardens would bore me to death. Now I know they were just specific examples, but I think it's a problem in general. I don't like to do much of the same stuff when I'm alone as women do when they're alone.
I do not intend to pay for dating sites, as there are free solutions like zoosk and areyouinterrsted.com which are pretty popular because most people feel the same way about it. They don't wanna spend their money on it.
About the club thing, yes it would make me a little uncomfortable, but as long as it wasn't anything serious a club I wouldn't be bothered too much. My anxiety is more like phobia in the sense that I'm only scared of certain things. General socializing with people in casual situations is not a problem for me.

[feverfew]

Originally Posted by kpx0

Really? My impression of most dating sites is that people don't really take it very serious and often just have a profile there for fun but don't really bother to check it very often.

Go for a paid dating site. More people take it seriously when money is involved. You can be sure that people will check it when they are paying $20 or $30 a month for it.

[kpx0]

Originally Posted by feverfew

Go for a paid dating site. More people take it seriously when money is involved. You can be sure that people will check it when they are paying $20 or $30 a month for it.

Yeah well, maybe you're right. I've been looking on a free one for a while and I actually think it's a great site. The way it works is better than most of the paid ones imo. They're are a lot of not serious profiles, but also plenty of serious ones, and they're easy to tell apart.