Social Anxiety Support

Jeff · 09-14-2009, 05:26 PM

Next week I'm going to be meeting an uncle and cousin I've never met before. My father and uncle made contact a couple of years ago for the first time. (It's a long story I won't get into). But I'm feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety about it. I will be getting together with them, and my parents, 2 or 3 times next week. My parents have already met them, but they will all be brand new to me.

I'm really nervous about this, the preticipatory anxiety and irrational thoughts started last week and have really rev'd up this week. I feel like if I'm not Mr. outgoing or Mr. Interesting that I will be letting them down or disappointing them. Crazy irrational thoughts like that. This is what fustrates me so damned much about SA! I feel I have made so much progress in some areas, then something like this comes up and I feel like a scared child.

I know this is sort of an unusual situation, but does anyone have any advice for me?

rcapo89 · 09-14-2009, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff

Next week I'm going to be meeting an uncle and cousin I've never met before. My father and uncle made contact a couple of years ago for the first time. (It's a long story I won't get into). But I'm feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety about it. I will be getting together with them, and my parents, 2 or 3 times next week. My parents have already met them, but they will all be brand new to me.

I'm really nervous about this, the preticipatory anxiety and irrational thoughts started last week and have really rev'd up this week. I feel like if I'm not Mr. outgoing or Mr. Interesting that I will be letting them down or disappointing them. Crazy irrational thoughts like that. This is what fustrates me so damned much about SA! I feel I have made so much progress in some areas, then something like this comes up and I feel like a scared child.

I know this is sort of an unusual situation, but does anyone have any advice for me?

A very similar situation happened with me a few weeks ago when two of my cousins came to visit. I remember feeling the same way about disappointing them if I wasn't outspoken and "fun" enough. Don't become paranoid, just try to think rationally. Its very common for SA's to think irrationally and expect everyone to notice their anxiety. Alot of times we exaggerate our importance in social situations and believe we are the center of attention. Sorry if I couldn't be more helpful...

Have you tried taking medication to take the edge off your anxiety?

Sebastian · 09-14-2009, 07:59 PM

I sort of understand how you feel. I often get nervous around family I do know.
What helps me is to think of some things to say (questions to ask them or comments to make) and then try to forget about it all together. Thinking about it only makes it worse for me. All easier said than done for an SAer, I know, but I'd give it a try.
And, you never know, they may be nervous too.
Goodluck!

Jeff · 09-15-2009, 03:23 PM

Thanks for your help guys. I might try to come up with some questions before hand. That way I'm not just in a 'reactive' state of mind the whole time.

Judi · 09-15-2009, 05:33 PM

I met some relatives about 2 months ago that I haven't seen since I was a 6. And a few others I haven't seen since I was... 15. There was a ton of them too... Altogether Maybe 20 people (all cousins, aunties and stuff, no second cousins) I was nervouse too, the week before I went, me and my brother went shopping everyday and got I got sick for the entire trip. Anyways, I didn't know what to talk to them about, I had questions but was too afraid to ask. I'm kind of annoyed at myself now. But anyways, just treat them as you would your mum or dad or a close sibling. If you treat them like that they'll warm up to you because surely they too will want to know you.

Catiey · 09-15-2009, 06:03 PM

for me my cousins are the most important people in the world and the people by which im most influenced. Its such a shame I will never be able to talk to them again because of stupid s.a. Oh well our spirts will meet in the afterlife i suppose. May you should have a drink or two before you meet them Jeff. If you don't know them then there is no expectation of them. Your a blank piece of paper or a canvas waiting to be painted on. You can do it. GO Jeff GO!!!

09-14-2009, 05:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jeff Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 579	Meeting some relatives for the first time, SA is kicking in big time Next week I'm going to be meeting an uncle and cousin I've never met before. My father and uncle made contact a couple of years ago for the first time. (It's a long story I won't get into). But I'm feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety about it. I will be getting together with them, and my parents, 2 or 3 times next week. My parents have already met them, but they will all be brand new to me. I'm really nervous about this, the preticipatory anxiety and irrational thoughts started last week and have really rev'd up this week. I feel like if I'm not Mr. outgoing or Mr. Interesting that I will be letting them down or disappointing them. Crazy irrational thoughts like that. This is what fustrates me so damned much about SA! I feel I have made so much progress in some areas, then something like this comes up and I feel like a scared child. I know this is sort of an unusual situation, but does anyone have any advice for me?

09-15-2009, 05:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
Judi Status: P4 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 1,236	I met some relatives about 2 months ago that I haven't seen since I was a 6. And a few others I haven't seen since I was... 15. There was a ton of them too... Altogether Maybe 20 people (all cousins, aunties and stuff, no second cousins) I was nervouse too, the week before I went, me and my brother went shopping everyday and got I got sick for the entire trip. Anyways, I didn't know what to talk to them about, I had questions but was too afraid to ask. I'm kind of annoyed at myself now. But anyways, just treat them as you would your mum or dad or a close sibling. If you treat them like that they'll warm up to you because surely they too will want to know you. __________________ If putting things off is so easy why can't you put off procrastination? Anime list \| deviantart

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09-14-2009, 07:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sebastian Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 38 Posts: 104	I sort of understand how you feel. I often get nervous around family I do know. What helps me is to think of some things to say (questions to ask them or comments to make) and then try to forget about it all together. Thinking about it only makes it worse for me. All easier said than done for an SAer, I know, but I'd give it a try. And, you never know, they may be nervous too. Goodluck!

09-15-2009, 03:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jeff Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 579	Thanks for your help guys. I might try to come up with some questions before hand. That way I'm not just in a 'reactive' state of mind the whole time.

09-15-2009, 06:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
Catiey Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Ontario Gender: Female Posts: 35	for me my cousins are the most important people in the world and the people by which im most influenced. Its such a shame I will never be able to talk to them again because of stupid s.a. Oh well our spirts will meet in the afterlife i suppose. May you should have a drink or two before you meet them Jeff. If you don't know them then there is no expectation of them. Your a blank piece of paper or a canvas waiting to be painted on. You can do it. GO Jeff GO!!!