Social Anxiety Support

Melinda · 01-05-2010, 05:59 PM

I am trying to stay positive.

So far life at school has been pretty wonderful. I love my classes, I like my current roommate, and I feel like I finally have some direction in my life.

My biggest problem is that I don't know how to properly meet and interact with people. I know now that it doesn't really matter in the LONG term how people think of me, and I know that I can't control people's opinion of me no matter what I do or how I look. But in the short term I need to figure out how to strike an accord with people. I have to find a job, after all.

Whenever I meet someone in authority, I act very happy and fake and I'm sure they notice that. It's just because I'm afraid. I KNOW that and I KNOW it's happening but I cannot stop in the middle of a conversation and tell myself:"CHILL OUT AND BE WHO YOU ARE" because...well, I guess I don't think they'd like the real me. And honestly, I don't even know who I am entirely yet. It's still a work in progress.

Is there some way I can make myself be more real when I meet people? How can I let go of that fakeness? Does this make sense?

stinky · 01-05-2010, 07:44 PM

hey, good to hear life is going well for you. i think it takes some time to reveal the "real" you. i mean that really is what anxiety is about if you think about.

as for the idea that long term doesn't matter, that helps reduce anxiety, but i feel it is maladaptive because you don't invest in relationships. i mean college is just temporary, as is your next job, husband possibly, etc. so really the short term IS worth investing in. also, "I know that I can't control people's opinion of me no matter what I do or how I look" !! yes you can!! people's opinion of you can change with your behavior towards them.

some things you can do are take social skills classes or do training with a therapist. those are really recommended if you can. also, you can observe others who have good social skills and watch how they act. then replicate this behavior in your interactions. going step by step is really good. its definitely possible- I used to never know when to talk in conversation but now I consider myself an advanced conservationist. by reducing your anxiety (having this "easy" stuff preprogrammed), you will be yourself more.

as for your issues with authority, i often feel the same way. but there is some need for emotional regulation (i mean you usually can't tell your boss dirty jokes). other people have suggested trying to see your boss as having the same worth as you. they are a person just like you, they have a boss, they have feelings, they mess up at work, etc. maybe other ppl have better ideas, i'm not too sure on this.

good luck!

01-05-2010, 05:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
Melinda Status: one stop away Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: USA Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,448	Meeting People I am trying to stay positive. So far life at school has been pretty wonderful. I love my classes, I like my current roommate, and I feel like I finally have some direction in my life. My biggest problem is that I don't know how to properly meet and interact with people. I know now that it doesn't really matter in the LONG term how people think of me, and I know that I can't control people's opinion of me no matter what I do or how I look. But in the short term I need to figure out how to strike an accord with people. I have to find a job, after all. Whenever I meet someone in authority, I act very happy and fake and I'm sure they notice that. It's just because I'm afraid. I KNOW that and I KNOW it's happening but I cannot stop in the middle of a conversation and tell myself:"CHILL OUT AND BE WHO YOU ARE" because...well, I guess I don't think they'd like the real me. And honestly, I don't even know who I am entirely yet. It's still a work in progress. Is there some way I can make myself be more real when I meet people? How can I let go of that fakeness? Does this make sense?

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01-05-2010, 07:44 PM	#2 (permalink)
stinky Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: US Gender: Male Posts: 173	hey, good to hear life is going well for you. i think it takes some time to reveal the "real" you. i mean that really is what anxiety is about if you think about. as for the idea that long term doesn't matter, that helps reduce anxiety, but i feel it is maladaptive because you don't invest in relationships. i mean college is just temporary, as is your next job, husband possibly, etc. so really the short term IS worth investing in. also, "I know that I can't control people's opinion of me no matter what I do or how I look" !! yes you can!! people's opinion of you can change with your behavior towards them. some things you can do are take social skills classes or do training with a therapist. those are really recommended if you can. also, you can observe others who have good social skills and watch how they act. then replicate this behavior in your interactions. going step by step is really good. its definitely possible- I used to never know when to talk in conversation but now I consider myself an advanced conservationist. by reducing your anxiety (having this "easy" stuff preprogrammed), you will be yourself more. as for your issues with authority, i often feel the same way. but there is some need for emotional regulation (i mean you usually can't tell your boss dirty jokes). other people have suggested trying to see your boss as having the same worth as you. they are a person just like you, they have a boss, they have feelings, they mess up at work, etc. maybe other ppl have better ideas, i'm not too sure on this. good luck!