Losing ability to speak - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-10-2011, 11:38 PM Thread Starter
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Losing ability to speak

Is it true if you don't speak, over time, you lose the ability to do so and hold a conversation? I think its happening to me, as I rarely talk to anyone, and recently when I tried to converse with someone, I was almost stuttering and couldn't string sentences together. Actually, had to think about words and would lose train of thought.
Anyone else have this problem?
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-10-2011, 11:47 PM
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yes, im the exact same way. i couldnt even order myself fastfood last week without fumbling over every word i spoke, this happens everywhere i go, at checkout counters, i just stuggle to even say thankyou. and when i need to tell somebody something, i just cant think of the words needed to describe it and i look like a retard, its embarressing, so im just not gunna talk anymore maybe....maybe i should just carry a pen and paper and write on that when speaking to people
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-10-2011, 11:58 PM
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Talking is like a muscle you must use everyday. If you don't use it then it will whither away. Normal people don't give a second thought as to how they talk because they have been doing it their entire lives. Those with SA have years to make up.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-11-2011, 12:00 AM
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Yes, exactly like me
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-11-2011, 04:28 AM
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Anayltical, self-criticism, positive self-talk

This may sound crazy to many of you, and I've pondered this, but when I begin to lose hope in failing to properly converse with people I silently talk to myself or an object to keep that section of the mind active. I practice talking about relevant and important things about myself or the many activities I did in the day.

(Off Topic:As little as people realize, typing and posting does invoke mentally stimulating conversation monologue- just not with the company of another person. )

Inanimate objects don't judge, they don't preach, and best of all they do not force you to be anyone you do not wish to be- it is more of a self-diagnostic, even if you are aware of it it can be helpful. Always keeping the mind active in good or bad situations, discussing possible solutions to the problems, future goals,- even if you have no goals or ability to- simply make them up as realistic to the situation as possible.

Explain how the day went to whatever understanding objects you wish, whether they be stuffed animals, pillows.

Then fabricate responses from these objects and make them realistic, encouraging, thought provoking, but these are always positive mind you. Always keep probing for better alternatives, mention them and create a 'best' response, things that work and things that don't, work hard at it.

Just don't get attached to the inanimate objects- Tom Hanks(reference to "Wilson" the Volley ball from Cast Away).
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-11-2011, 04:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lonesomeboy View Post
Is it true if you don't speak, over time, you lose the ability to do so and hold a conversation? I think its happening to me, as I rarely talk to anyone, and recently when I tried to converse with someone, I was almost stuttering and couldn't string sentences together. Actually, had to think about words and would lose train of thought.
Anyone else have this problem?
It just basic social skills, SA makes it very difficult to just say any thing at first. It's like everyone you do say has to come exactly right. Non anxious person just say what ever and eventually learn better social skills as they go along.

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Originally Posted by ValiantThor View Post
yes, im the exact same way. i couldnt even order myself fastfood last week without fumbling over every word i spoke, this happens everywhere i go, at checkout counters, i just stuggle to even say thankyou. and when i need to tell somebody something, i just cant think of the words needed to describe it and i look like a retard, its embarressing, so im just not gunna talk anymore maybe....maybe i should just carry a pen and paper and write on that when speaking to people
It gets better as you go along. At first may might just have to mentally rehearse what you going to say before you say it. After a while you can become more spontaneous in what to say. You dont what to go around with a pen and paper and look like a mute, yeah you would look real cool then.

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Originally Posted by KennethJones View Post
Talking is like a muscle you must use everyday. If you don't use it then it will whither away. Normal people don't give a second thought as to how they talk because they have been doing it their entire lives. Those with SA have years to make up.
Correct, non anxious persons usually worry about getting embarrassed about what they say. Normal people learn there mistakes as kids and develop skills early if life. But for us we just need to get out there and make mistakes if necessary.

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Originally Posted by Jack222 View Post
This may sound crazy to many of you, and I've pondered this, but when I begin to lose hope in failing to properly converse with people I silently talk to myself or an object to keep that section of the mind active. I practice talking about relevant and important things about myself or the many activities I did in the day.

(Off Topic:As little as people realize, typing and posting does invoke mentally stimulating conversation monologue- just not with the company of another person. )

Inanimate objects don't judge, they don't preach, and best of all they do not force you to be anyone you do not wish to be- it is more of a self-diagnostic, even if you are aware of it it can be helpful. Always keeping the mind active in good or bad situations, discussing possible solutions to the problems, future goals,- even if you have no goals or ability to- simply make them up as realistic to the situation as possible.

Explain how the day went to whatever understanding objects you wish, whether they be stuffed animals, pillows.

Then fabricate responses from these objects and make them realistic, encouraging, thought provoking, but these are always positive mind you. Always keep probing for better alternatives, mention them and create a 'best' response, things that work and things that don't, work hard at it.

Just don't get attached to the inanimate objects- Tom Hanks(reference to "Wilson" the Volley ball from Cast Away).
You could do that but, it just one sided it really just doesn't develop true social skills for the real world. It may help to get you talking and to have more thoughts be talk about but having conversations with real people is much better as you will be able to relate with people.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-11-2011, 05:14 AM
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You could do that but, it just one sided it really just doesn't develop true social skills for the real world.
For me, the only reason to have social skills is for employment, I could easily pretend to jovial, cheerful and energetic at work, good incentive and got all the feign recognition- it actually yielded friends. I should have kept that job but I quit after 1 year.


This is what I am talking about:

"But for us we just need to get out there and make mistakes if necessary. "

Talking to inanimate objects was a self-diagnostic tool to compensate for loss, and yes that is entirely introverted, but it can help in thought process and healing, the other is initiating, taking risks and making mistakes- which would directly involve building on the dialogue in relation to another potentially different person.

I know that it's not that simple, but there must be a universal social connection- I have SA but I hate the depression that comes with it, I am studying methods of throwing away the idea of rejection through resilience, saying what the hell and laugh and just speak what's on my mind. Objectively this may look stupid, but that's not always true as we cannot predict what other people think.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 01:27 AM
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For me, the only reason to have social skills is for employment, I could easily pretend to jovial, cheerful and energetic at work, good incentive and got all the feign recognition- it actually yielded friends.
That describes me perfectly. I wouldn't use the word “pretend” though.
It was more like some primal survival instinct that would kick right in. Same with the depression, I could be so bad that it was taxing to even sit upright in a chair and then bamm-o, office calls and all of a sudden I'm Mr. Enthusiasm, who never shuts up -like hitting a switch.

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I should have kept that job but I quit after 1 year.
Since I've been self-employed, I've gotten way worse. Funny I can talk about work all day, I just have problems with the hard questions like“What kind of pizza do you want”? or curve-balls like, “Hows it going”?

I've made a resolution to start watching TV again and add some fiction titles to the Kindle, to hopefully get that part of my brain ticking a little bit better.

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I know that it's not that simple, but there must be a universal social connection
Like an SA's anonymous? The one and only time my depression landed me in the hospital, that's exactly what I told the doctor. He tried not to laugh audibly through his smug face explaining that given the nature of the illness anyone who could benefit from such a meeting would be too chicken to show up.
I had to laugh myself, picturing 8 or 10 of us retards all not making eye contact with each other as we're all respectively pretending to be “on my way somewhere” and never making it through the door w/ 20 empty chairs laid out and ready for the healing to begin and the host checking her watch wondering when everyone is going to show...

Sometimes groups like this are available, but usually as part of a specific CBT outpatient program. Could be worth looking into whether something like this is available near you(?).

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Originally Posted by Jack222 View Post
- I have SA but I hate the depression that comes with it, I am studying methods of throwing away the idea of rejection through resilience, saying what the hell and laugh and just speak what's on my mind. Objectively this may look stupid, but that's not always true as we cannot predict what other people think.
Good luck and keep at it but don't push yourself beyond your limits out of desperation or force yourself too much like you would if say lifting weights to get stronger.
That's what I did, you don't want to exhaust yourself emotionally to the point were you auto-associate dealing with people as a trial-by-fire or ritualized chore that you;re too dejected to even try.
Be sure to simply keep it as something you endeavour to become better at.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 01:28 AM
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I have trouble sometimes when I try to begin a conversation, but losing the ability to make conversation? Nah. I keep myself sharp by talking to myself all the time!

At this time, the Jews started a war because they were forbidden to mutilate their genitals. - Historia Augusta, Hadrian, 14.2
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 01:45 AM
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When I lose my ability to speak I just sing what I have to say and it works like a charm.


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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-12-2011, 01:53 AM
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I don't think so. I think this is a load of rubbish. You don't lose your ability to speak. You're fooling yourselves into thinking you weren't thinking about talking already before you stuttered and stammered, I do the same and I've taken advice for it. My family couldn't understand me and frequently asked me to repeat things up to 5 times. I'd get very frustrated but this is just tosh lol. EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER rehearse what you're about to say that's THE WORST THING YOU CAN POSSIBLY DO(my therapists words pretty much). CHANGE WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY IF ANYTHING!! YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO YOURSELF TALKING IN YOUR HEAD AND TALK AT ONCE OR COPY THE REHEARSAL, THAT..IS. WHEN YOU START STUTTERING. This is reasoning on the back of SA, not fact I'm afraid. You guys haven't been living in a cave you can talk you think before you speak too much as I do. Please don't do this, don't follow up this tangent. I've spoken to a professional about this and I trust her. You don't have to trust me but please, don't continue this. You're not losing your voices, you're not going to even if you don't talk to yourself in he mirror as I myself make a habbit of doing. It's NOT EVEN LOGICAL to suggest an unused muscles benefits from rehearsing in your head is it? I'm into meditation and the power of imagery but then so do we think an awful lot more than most about upcoming conversations ahead of time so we don't lose out as we should in that department. That too is nonsense.

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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-08-2012, 05:34 AM
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Losing ability to speak

I seem to have great difficulty speaking and finding words during conversation. At times, the muscles in my mouth clam up and I wonder if I sound like a bumbling idiot to others. To be more descriptive, it feels like my the muscles in my mouth don't obey the signals from my brain. I never associated this problem with an anxiety disorder. Years ago, when I was a voice major in college, my professor commented on how difficult it was to develop my upper range. She also noticed that I had a problem with exhalation; the ability to release air comfortably is necessary for singing. Eventually, several doctors confirmed that I had a problem with breathing but that I simply needed to learn how to relax. The problem still exists. I have never been a particularly talkative person but thoughts are quite clear to me when I write. Words that I can't seem to find during conversation come to me with pen an paper. Is this some form of dyslexia, ALS or what?
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