Loner, no friends, no social life - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 02:16 AM Thread Starter
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Loner, no friends, no social life

Today I just found this website by accident while searching for chat rooms and forums. I've never used chat rooms or posted on forums before, but today I felt compelled to look up some way to communicate with other people. The reason being my frustration with my life, I just think my life sucks and I'm hoping to make it better by talking to other people. The reason I think my life sucks is because I'm 24 and I've never had any friends, a girlfriend, and social life before. I follow the same routine everyday: go to school and come home; in my free time I just exercise, watch tv, use the internet, or daydream. I never really go anywhere; even on the weekends, holidays, breaks and summer I stay home. It's not like I like staying home all the time, I just don't know where to go and what to do. I always thought that you only go out if you have friends, because it's pretty weird to go watch a movie by yourself or hang out at the mall by yourself unless you just want time alone. I looked up the definition for loner and it said "a person who is or prefers to be alone, esp. one who avoids the company of others". I don't think this describes me, I mean I don't prefer to be alone at all and I'd very much like to be in the company of others, but I'm just awkward around other people and never seem to fit in with anybody. In high school and college I talked to people but I didn't know how to make friends, so I was a loner for my entire high school years and as well as my college. My problem is that I don't know how to make friends and who to make friends with.

I'm taking kind of long writing this, because I'm not really sure what to say and how to describe my situation. I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind and trying to describe things accurately. I'm just trying to see if there's anyone out there who's like me and can relate, also anybody who's not like me but would like to help. That's it for now, I'm not very good at writing, I think I could communicate better if I chatted with people (is there a chat room here?). Bye Bye
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post #2 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 02:47 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

I think many people here understand your condition. A lot of us here are loners. You are not alone. Do you have problems with social anxiety though?

If you are just having a hard time making friends, try making friends online first. The best way to do that in my experience is to play an online game that you really like. From there you will meet a lot of people. It's easy to make friends with people who have the same interest as you, in this case those who love to play that game too. Then get their emails and keep in touch with em using messengers. My social skills are greatly improved that way.
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post #3 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 02:50 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

Have you tried getting a job? i don't mean that in any offensive way, but a lot of my friends come from work, even though it was awkward at first I slowly got used to them. I actually have plans for the weekend. I'm exicted about that.

Waking up past noon again / Figured out I have no friends / Sit around in dirty clothes / Sanity, it comes and goes -Wonder Why
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post #4 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 05:38 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

Please consult me before posting my life story.

Thank you.

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Orson Welles
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post #5 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 06:21 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

It sucks, doesn't it?
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post #6 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 10:59 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

If you want to try and make friends in classes maybe you can advise studying together and than from there maybe go out for lunch?

Work is also a great place to meet people, try to find a job where a lot of people your same age work. Try to find a common interest with them.

But I do agree with some people are saying maybe online friends will help ease you into it.
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post #7 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 01:35 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

I don't like to be alone all the time. But I love the freedom it gives me. I really prefer to be alone but when I am really depressed I feel very alone and wished there were people to talk with and be with. Other than that, I'd rather not spend large amounts of time with people. I'm too tense for that.

"A simple man believes everything he hears; a clever man understands the need for proof." Proverbs 14:15-The New English Bible
'O the depth of God's richness and wisdom and knowledge! How unsearchable his judgements are and past tracing out his ways are!'-Romans 11:33
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post #8 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 01:43 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

I'm feeling the same way, incredibly alone..just wish I had someone I could spend the day with..I never do anything on the weekends. sucks bad..
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post #9 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 01:57 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

Yet another lonely day for me too.
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post #10 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-26-2008, 03:04 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

hey Daniel
I definitely can relate, although my routine is just to stay in. I don't remember the last time I broke routine so I guess im trying to be invisible
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post #11 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-28-2008, 02:59 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

My Routine is Avoid The sun, people and anything negative or at least what I percieve may be negative =\
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post #12 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-28-2008, 04:27 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

Sounds a lot like my life story, except I don't go to school (nor work) and I've been playing this hellish game a decade longer.

DEA agents, being on par with Nazi war criminals, should be executed for crimes against humanity. They are guilty of inflicting mass suffering upon legitimate patients.
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post #13 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-28-2008, 06:45 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

I know exactly what you mean. It's the thing that drives me mad, I want to be able to have friends but I am too terrified to even attempt to make any. Not that I would know how to do that anyway.

La tristesse durera toujours
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post #14 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-28-2008, 09:59 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

I'm not exaggerating at all when I say everything you've said explains my situation. I too prefer the company of others, but I don't know how to make friends, it's almost like I'm at that stage in my life (21) where people aren't TRYING to make friends anymore and are already satisfied with what they have and are beginning to settle down.

My day only consists of going to school and coming straight home because I don't know what else to do. I feel awkward when I'm by myself trying something. If I just had someone I could hang out with and do things with I'd be so much better .
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post #15 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-29-2008, 03:36 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

It sucks being lonely. I think i seem to people like a bit of a loner and happy to be alone, but i HATE it, i want to have friends a boyfriend and a life but i dont know how to go about it, plus it causes more anxiety than i can deal with. I think thats the misconception of SAD, is that people who dont understand it think that people with it just want to be alone but it couldnt be further than the truth.
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post #16 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-29-2008, 03:57 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

Yes you've written my life story as well. It's like, why should I try living if I can't ever make friends?

"No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X's..."
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"No damn cat, and no damn cradle."
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post #17 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-29-2008, 03:59 PM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

Story of my life too,
I happen to be involved seriously in sports, cycling, gym, soccer and many other hobbies. Whilst I know people directly in those activities I have been unable to get to know people further than that and it really sucks that people know me very well and I make acquaintances easily in these direct situations but cant make real social friends more than in these limited contexts.
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post #18 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 12:04 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

You're life is a mirror image of mine!Before i discovered this website i'd never felt so hopeless in my entire life. I'm in college, majoring in Marketing(ironic!), I have no friends,I walk around in school like no one else exists,people constantly stare at me and laugh at me because I'm the loner of the school, I have to get to school by bus on a 2 hr ride and back from Monday to Friday with the same people,never spoken to anyone in the bus...I could go on forever.I'v always wanted to talk to them but I just can't get myself to do it.Sometimes i wonder what is so different about me that i can't make or keep a friend because everyone seems to have them.
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post #19 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 12:29 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

You are not alone! I know this feeling all to well. Sometimes I wonder if I feel this way and you feel this way.....and all these people feel this way. How are we missing each other? It could be because we are stuck at home, being loners. How do we meet others that have this problem?
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post #20 of 442 (permalink) Old 01-31-2008, 12:32 AM
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Re: Loner, no friends, no social life

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Loner, no friends, no social life

Main Entry: group·think: a pattern of thought characterized by self-deception, forced manufacture of consent, and conformity to group values and ethics
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