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Old 04-05-2011, 05:08 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Living with parents with no job or Car

Im 25 years old living with my parents and have not had a job in 5 years im in all kinds of debt with no car and dont comprehend how to be independant in any way. Ive noticed my mind doesnt work like others, its like im handicaped. Ive been hiding in my room all my life and have no idea how the outside world works. I wouldnt be able to take care of this house either. I hide from neighboors family. I dont know how people do everyday things like its nothing. I just realized this too its like ive been lost in my own world for all these years I never thought anything of it till recently it hit me that I dont comprehend how to do anything that people do to live. Im scared of everything I dont even have a personality im shy quiet and my mind is blank all the time. My family is poor and my mom has done everything for me and i have 3 younger siblings. Im coming up with the words to type this right now I didnt even know what I was going to type I have to think really hard about it like everything else, its like im mentally handicaped but my family thinks im just depressed I dont know how they didnt see anything wrong when i was younger ive been quiet and scared all my life. What should I do? Its like im 8 years old I cant even learn stuff sometimes or remember most things that are talked about. I cry alot and I'm really emotionally attached to my home and family I don't see myself living somewhere else. i have no social skills and I wouldnt know what to do in most cases. Im a mute all the time with no thoughts I just look around in my parents house. Im scared of the future what would I do without my parents? I don't know whats wrong
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Wow, sounds pretty bad. Okay, as far as being afraid of the future, you should be. You are on a bad track and too old not to be self sufficient. I understand its very hard to leave your house and be social because you are afraid. The thing is, you need to be more afraid if you dont. The longer you drag this thing out, the harder its gonna get. You may not have social skills or know how to things, which means you need to go learn. Fact of the matter is you are not gonna learn what you need to in your house. Go apply for a job, go talk to strangers, yes its scary but you re not gonna die. Bottom line getting past social anxiety is the fight of your life. Who's gonna win? It or you?
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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DEPENDENT PERSONALITY DISORDER

SOCIAL SECURITY

do it up
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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My advice is to get a job right away. Tomorrow, do it. Take the bus if necessary until you save up enough money to go to a car auction. You can buy a really nice car at an auction for just a couple hundred bucks. From there, everything else will slowly fall into place. Forget your social skills, be a man and quit caring about such petty things. Get a job, hold that job, and move out of your mother's house. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, that will only make everything worse. You're welcome.
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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My advice is to get a job right away.
If he is living in the states with no education after highschool then I say good luck with that.

It isn't that he wouldn't be able to get it a job, it just takes time. You can't just walk into places and be hired on the spot. The probability of getting a job anywhere is low so that means you have to branch out to increase your odds. This will be very hard for him to do as he has no car and thus no means of transportation. Also by reading his post it seems like he is a very closed off person so he has no one to network and networking can be crucial in landing a job.

My advice to him would be to start applying at jobs within walking distance from your home. Maybe you could look into some janitorial jobs as those don't require you to interact with people much.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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enrolling in a college course or something like that might be a good idea. I was in the same situation you described for about 2 years after high school though i still don't have a job or a car/licence i found that being forced to get out (school) helps adjusting, and gave me a bit of a purpose/direction.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Lol, I could've posted this same thread.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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You are going to have to force yourself to step out of your comfort zone. It's not going to be easy but is necessary. You might want to look into some kind of counseling. See what's offered around where you live.

The key is to make some kind of progress. If all you do is hide in your room, then break that pattern and start going for walks. Anything that gets you out of the house. I know how you feel, in my case I think it's more Avoidant Personality Disorder than anything. So a lot of what you are going through, I can relate to. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a fog and can't seem to grasp things as quickly as others.

Just take small steps. You can't tackle your debt or get a car until you get a job, and it's going to be hard to get a job when you don't want to leave the house. Don't feel overwhelmed. and don't give in to the mentality that you can't do it. The fact of the matter is you can. You are not alone. There is plenty of support here, you just have to be willing to help yourself too. Just don't be afraid to ask for help.
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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usernam, you're just very dependent. I am the same way. What you described above is what I've felt and done before. I am more independent now. Nothing is as scary as you think it is. Basically, you just have to learn how society is like. The best part is that you can cry, mess up and still learn something important at the end of the day.
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Old 04-06-2011, 02:43 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I'm going to graduate from college this July. And I haven't found a job yet. I'm also afraid of having to rely on my parents even after my graduation.
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:56 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I'm 21 and in the basically the very same situation.

I don't go out, only on rare occasion. For example I get the odd few gigs come up at random times, which I get some money out of (but it's practically pocket change). I have to force myself to go to those, but thankfully performing (and the atmosphere around it) is an area in which my insecurities as lessened.

I now have an audition coming up with quite a well known and successful band with an impressive touring schedule.

I put the effort into getting my work up online, and these guys got in touch as a result, which has given me the valuable opportunity of moving forward..

I suggest you find where your skills lie and use them to your advantage.
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:17 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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*warning long post*

I can totally relate man, more than you could imagine. When you fall into the trap of isolation then the whole world seems like a nightmare and things seem impossible. Trust me I'm going through it right now and I have dependency issues even at this age, it's sickening and ridiculous.

You simply have to take the advice and do what people on here are saying. I'm almost 5yrs jobless and haven't gone on benefits due to shame nor have I even made one single job application. I walked out of a reasonable 55k banking job that was better than nothing and have been here idle since. Yes I've been overseas a couple of times and had a bit of a life going out here and there but I felt a fraud.

The only way is to get out of the house. I isolate too sometimes and even getting out to get the mail at times I can't do because I fear what neighbours across the road would think having not seen me for a few weeks or months.

You know when I last took my German shepherd dog for a walk? Oct 15 I still remember the date and I swore I'd take him 5 days a week all summer. It's been 6 mths since he's seen outside our yard. That's just cruel, he's getting on and when I have my isolation moments I stay indoors and don't see him for days, even though in this time I've played with him and spent time, he's a reflection of my sa because I haven't taken him out regularly his whole life.

It all comes down to this; slowly go out of the house, break your routine, look for work, you'll be busy for 8 hours a day and will earn dollars, get set on that and chip away at the debt and get a car.

Then go look for places to rent, whether flatmates or a 1 bdr place.

I can't bring back these 4+ yrs and I struggle with depression too. I nearly dropped out of hs due to depression, uni was the killer blow. But I always know that as long as you're healthy and breathing, there is hope.

For me personally, I've been to professionals in the past to no avail. I've had 11 sessions of cbt this current time and it's done little and I'm at the point where I want to cancel it.

I'm officially anti meds and with all the different treatments from pills to ect and stuff I know it's all a false ray of hope and placebo. Having said that, for others meds may have been a godsend.

You gotta get the motivation and build confidence man, I gotta get take my own advice!

If you're like me and chronic depression and self esteem/SA stunt your progress then it may be a grind all your life but sometimes that's the way it is. I've had so many moments where I would be in depression and the black cloud would go away when it felt like it. The feeling is horrendous. At it's worst, you feel like a zombie and so on edge and all you want to do is lay in a foetal position for good. That's what I'm going through right now actually. Last few days I've overslept and have eaten maybe 2 meals and consequently lost muscle mass and weight. It arose from frustration at not getting things done and procrastinating. Like going to get my full licence, seeing my doctor, doing a simple task for my mother, seeing a special agency that helps ppl with mental health issues get work, exercising.

You're not alone buddy. I wouldn't wish the predicament I'm in to anyone. I literally have nightmares and scary visions on what I'd do if something happened to my parents I'd drown. This is what happens when you're too dependent. It's my mind telling me to get on my own feet before it's too late. I've literally wasted 11 yra of life post high school by not knuckling down and getting a degree when I was 18 and letting depression and sa take over me. Then stumbling through 5 yrs of retail and non degree essential banking work. Up to now where I've blown half my 20s in a rut.

I mean 5 yrs ago I was still miserable but at least I was working fulltime and out of the house. I may not have been going out socialising on days off but it was better than this present state.

End of the day, it's your life. It's going to be your story and your journey. My current psych tells me that even if God forbid I lost my whole family tommorrow, I'd still have to soldier on somehow and chances are I probably will.

Keep trying.
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Old 04-06-2011, 09:25 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by King Moonracer View Post
DEPENDENT PERSONALITY DISORDER

SOCIAL SECURITY

do it up
I don't get it?
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Old 04-06-2011, 11:30 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I don't get it?
I think he was trying to tell him to get on disability so he can get that monthly check.
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Go for a walk.

As a kid my parents hardly ever took me outside, and then when I was older I didn't go outside much. I felt like I lived on an island. Walking is a good first step.
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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hey Im 30 and live at home with no job (not by choice....good ole anxiety stops me there).....lol I have a car though......but I feel yah.....I feel like a failure even though I know I shouldnt.

Its rough....just push through and try and make everyday better!
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Old 04-06-2011, 01:03 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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hey Im 30 and live at home with no job (not by choice....good ole anxiety stops me there).....lol I have a car though......but I feel yah.....I feel like a failure even though I know I shouldnt.

Its rough....just push through and try and make everyday better!
what do you plan on doing? do you live with your parents? What will you do when their not there?
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Old 04-06-2011, 01:40 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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what do you plan on doing? do you live with your parents? What will you do when their not there?
Do they have life insurance? :P
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:20 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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I think he was trying to tell him to get on disability so he can get that monthly check.
I haven't even bothered to get unemployment the day I walked out of my job. Or even apply for others. Dec 19 2006 is the date, coincidentally it was my lil bros 17th bday. He now graduates next semester with a double bachelors bba/bcom. His high school final weighted average was 87, mine was 96 lol. Oh well.

Disability is something I can't do. I can't consign myself to that based on just depression
and sa or dependent personality disorder.

Over here disability is 330 pw, unemployment 225pw and I was clearing 850pw back then (1000 in today's dollars) doing a relatively easy residential lending role.

I couldn't go on disability, just would be selling my soul
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Old 04-06-2011, 03:53 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Yeah you have it pretty bad buddy. You could try looking for easy jobs. Like janitor, dishwasher, or a wearhouse job. I recommend a wearhouse job. You'll probably work on a line performing a very simple task. Like putting stuff in boxes all day. Just to break the ice, and you can get out of your house.

I understand what your going through. If I were to lose my job I would have absolutely no reason to leave my house.

I'm rooting for you brother!
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