Social Anxiety Support

Sparks · 05-21-2009, 08:03 AM

So I'm still living with my parents, and 2 younger siblings. I'm 29 so it's kind of humiliating, especially when someone asks me where I live. I really hope to leave home this year. I'll need to get a job (I'm a grad student... sorta...) and I'm working on it.
When I finally do leave home though, I'm certain it won't be to live with roommates. I don't have anyone close I could move in with and I'm sure as hell not gonna live with a stranger. The way I know myself if I lived with a stranger I would end up barricading in my room, leaving it just for food/bathroom. No, home has to be the one place I'm really comfortable at and this means no roommates. This means I'll be living alone, probably for quite some time. Just me and the 4 walls. I've never done that and I'd like to hear from people who have been living on their own for a while now (a year or more) how you are coping with that, does the loneliness get to you or do you find ways to enjoy your freedom.
I'm kinda worried about that so let me know how you are doing.

copper · 05-21-2009, 08:53 AM

I have been living on my own since was 25 when I relocated to a different state. Sometime it gets lonely, but I try to keep myself busy. Also, I work in the social services so I am pretty wore out from being around people all week. 9 years ago this coming fall I bought my own house. It is a two story house with 3 bedrooms so it is kind of big for one person, but it had extensive work done on it and I got a good price for it. Keeping this big house clean keeps me busy. I do talk with my parent's on the weekend. They only live 30 minutes away. It is nice living by myself because if I want to sleep in I will, blast the stereo, etc. without other people yelling at me.

Paul · 05-21-2009, 09:35 AM

Living alone is great. It's lonely at first but you get used to it.

unconvinced · 05-21-2009, 09:41 AM

I can't wait to live by myself personally. You should go for it! It'll be great.

gaz · 05-21-2009, 09:55 AM

I'm in the same situation, i'm 28 and still live at home. To tell you the truth i feel like a leech, i mean my mother still washes my clothes becuse she insists on doing it. The reasons i live at home is mainly for financial reasons but also because i feel comfortable. Even so i do feel a loser especially when people know i live at home.

Hippo · 05-21-2009, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparks

I don't have anyone close I could move in with and I'm sure as hell not gonna live with a stranger.

Why not give it a shot, it might not be so bad. You are assuming the worst. 'Fortune telling' is a cognitive distortion.

If you try it and it doesn't work out, you can always leave. Get something month-to- month so you don't feel tied down with a year long lease.

I lived with housemates (strangers) and it was okay. Then I got my own place and it was really great to have it all to my self. But after 5 years living alone I started getting a bit mental, so I moved in with a friend and we split a house, it is nice to have someone else around.

Sparks · 05-21-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gaz

I'm in the same situation, i'm 28 and still live at home. To tell you the truth i feel like a leech, i mean my mother still washes my clothes becuse she insists on doing it. The reasons i live at home is mainly for financial reasons but also because i feel comfortable. Even so i do feel a loser especially when people know i live at home.

Yeah, this is probably the thing I'm most ashamed of about myself. You're not really a grown up till you get your own place. Plus you can't get any dates that way (that is assuming you collect the guts to ask someone on a date). I say we both need to kick our butts off the internet and out of mom and dad's house. What'd ya say?

gaz · 05-21-2009, 11:38 AM

How do you do it? I've got so comfortable living at home i can't get out of it, and i've just lost my job.

The idea of sharing is scary for me also, i like my independence.

shyvr6 · 05-21-2009, 12:36 PM

It does get lonely every now and then, but when I keep myself occupied, then it doesn't bother me so much

TeenyBeany · 05-22-2009, 12:22 AM

i have my 2 year old. i love it when it's just me and him. we're moving out of my mom's house soon.

TorLin · 05-22-2009, 12:30 AM

i live on my own ... but it might change. since my grandma is having issues, i might have to move in with her. still up in the air though.

but i enjoy living alone. freedom.

aviationboy · 05-22-2009, 02:36 AM

not living alone atm, but i have lived alone for just over a year. it was a great experience! will probably be on my own again next year and looking forward to it!

Johnny_Genome · 05-22-2009, 08:03 AM

I have for many years. Between working to pay the rent, cleaning, and the occasional outing, I don't normally find myself with a whole lot of time to sit around feeling lonely.

Meee · 05-22-2009, 09:22 AM

Ask me again later this year and i'll let you know. Moving to my own apartment in a couple months. I'm getting my own place, no roommates.. i wouldn't mind living with others if i got on with them, but i'm fairly sure with 90% of people that wouldn't be the case.

I honestly don't think i'll miss the situation i'm in at the moment at all.

OhNoTaylor · 05-22-2009, 10:16 AM

I don't think I would mind living alone. Besides my SA I'm still an introvert and feel most comfortable by myself. I like being home alone because I can do whatever I want without having to worry about bothering anyone.

Sparks · 05-22-2009, 10:22 AM

Thanks for everyone who shared their experience. Most of you seem to be happy with your situation so it's encouraging.

gaz · 05-23-2009, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhNoTaylor

I don't think I would mind living alone. Besides my SA I'm still an introvert and feel most comfortable by myself. I like being home alone because I can do whatever I want without having to worry about bothering anyone.

Well if you are fine financially to be able to pay rent/mortgage, utilities etc then if you are happy living alone go for it. Sadly most people have no option but to share costs.

childofsolitude · 05-23-2009, 08:03 AM

I'm 21 and I'm about to move in with my sister. Not alone but it's almost like living at home only without my parents. Look, do whatever makes you happy. I can almost guarantee you that when you get a job, you'll gain at least one friend. Living alone doesn't have to mean that you'll be lonely.

fern · 05-23-2009, 09:02 AM

I hate living at home, I actually think it makes my anxiety worse then if I lived alone. My family lives in the middle of no where so I'm kind of stuck in this situation where I can't move out unless I get a job, but I can't get a job unless I move out.

OhNoTaylor · 05-23-2009, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gaz

Well if you are fine financially to be able to pay rent/mortgage, utilities etc then if you are happy living alone go for it. Sadly most people have no option but to share costs.

I'm just out of highschool and still living with my parents. I definitely don't have the financial means to live on my own. I just meant in the future I wouldn't mind, I'd probably enjoy it.

05-21-2009, 08:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sparks Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Israel Gender: Male Age: 33 Posts: 45	Living alone So I'm still living with my parents, and 2 younger siblings. I'm 29 so it's kind of humiliating, especially when someone asks me where I live. I really hope to leave home this year. I'll need to get a job (I'm a grad student... sorta...) and I'm working on it. When I finally do leave home though, I'm certain it won't be to live with roommates. I don't have anyone close I could move in with and I'm sure as hell not gonna live with a stranger. The way I know myself if I lived with a stranger I would end up barricading in my room, leaving it just for food/bathroom. No, home has to be the one place I'm really comfortable at and this means no roommates. This means I'll be living alone, probably for quite some time. Just me and the 4 walls. I've never done that and I'd like to hear from people who have been living on their own for a while now (a year or more) how you are coping with that, does the loneliness get to you or do you find ways to enjoy your freedom. I'm kinda worried about that so let me know how you are doing.

05-21-2009, 08:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
copper Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Keweenaw Peninsula Michigan Age: 42 Posts: 10,300	I have been living on my own since was 25 when I relocated to a different state. Sometime it gets lonely, but I try to keep myself busy. Also, I work in the social services so I am pretty wore out from being around people all week. 9 years ago this coming fall I bought my own house. It is a two story house with 3 bedrooms so it is kind of big for one person, but it had extensive work done on it and I got a good price for it. Keeping this big house clean keeps me busy. I do talk with my parent's on the weekend. They only live 30 minutes away. It is nice living by myself because if I want to sleep in I will, blast the stereo, etc. without other people yelling at me. __________________ troll: man, we got a lot of snow yooper: eh? troll: three feet, man! yooper: yah troll: no school, man, it was sweet yooper: you closed school for three feet of snow?!?!??!? troll: you like excessive punctuation, don't you?

05-21-2009, 09:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
Paul Status: 8 Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: subject to change Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 3,619	Living alone is great. It's lonely at first but you get used to it. __________________ "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." - Søren Kierkegaard

05-21-2009, 12:36 PM	#9 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Gender: Male Age: 35 Posts: 15,248	It does get lonely every now and then, but when I keep myself occupied, then it doesn't bother me so much __________________ My world equals a lifetime of thoughts and only a heartbeat of existence.

05-22-2009, 12:30 AM	#11 (permalink)
TorLin Status: MayTheForceBeWithYou Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: California Gender: Male Posts: 19,555	i live on my own ... but it might change. since my grandma is having issues, i might have to move in with her. still up in the air though. but i enjoy living alone. freedom. __________________ " You were deceived. And now, your Republic shall fall. "

05-21-2009, 09:41 AM	#4 (permalink)
unconvinced Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: England Gender: Female Posts: 13	I can't wait to live by myself personally. You should go for it! It'll be great.

05-21-2009, 09:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
gaz Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Wales, Uk Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 2,641	I'm in the same situation, i'm 28 and still live at home. To tell you the truth i feel like a leech, i mean my mother still washes my clothes becuse she insists on doing it. The reasons i live at home is mainly for financial reasons but also because i feel comfortable. Even so i do feel a loser especially when people know i live at home.

05-21-2009, 11:38 AM	#8 (permalink)
gaz Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Wales, Uk Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 2,641	How do you do it? I've got so comfortable living at home i can't get out of it, and i've just lost my job. The idea of sharing is scary for me also, i like my independence.

05-22-2009, 12:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
TeenyBeany Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 251	i have my 2 year old. i love it when it's just me and him. we're moving out of my mom's house soon.

05-22-2009, 02:36 AM	#12 (permalink)
aviationboy Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 374	not living alone atm, but i have lived alone for just over a year. it was a great experience! will probably be on my own again next year and looking forward to it!

05-22-2009, 08:03 AM	#13 (permalink)
Johnny_Genome Status: I am, etc. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Los Angeles Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 1,823	I have for many years. Between working to pay the rent, cleaning, and the occasional outing, I don't normally find myself with a whole lot of time to sit around feeling lonely.

05-22-2009, 09:22 AM	#14 (permalink)
Meee Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: England, Midlands Gender: Male Posts: 1,431	Ask me again later this year and i'll let you know. Moving to my own apartment in a couple months. I'm getting my own place, no roommates.. i wouldn't mind living with others if i got on with them, but i'm fairly sure with 90% of people that wouldn't be the case. I honestly don't think i'll miss the situation i'm in at the moment at all. __________________ [Last.FM] [AnimeList]

05-22-2009, 10:16 AM	#15 (permalink)
OhNoTaylor Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 155	I don't think I would mind living alone. Besides my SA I'm still an introvert and feel most comfortable by myself. I like being home alone because I can do whatever I want without having to worry about bothering anyone.

05-22-2009, 10:22 AM	#16 (permalink)
Sparks Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Israel Gender: Male Age: 33 Posts: 45	Thanks for everyone who shared their experience. Most of you seem to be happy with your situation so it's encouraging.

05-23-2009, 08:03 AM	#18 (permalink)
childofsolitude Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 151	I'm 21 and I'm about to move in with my sister. Not alone but it's almost like living at home only without my parents. Look, do whatever makes you happy. I can almost guarantee you that when you get a job, you'll gain at least one friend. Living alone doesn't have to mean that you'll be lonely.

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05-23-2009, 09:02 AM	#19 (permalink)
fern Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 330	I hate living at home, I actually think it makes my anxiety worse then if I lived alone. My family lives in the middle of no where so I'm kind of stuck in this situation where I can't move out unless I get a job, but I can't get a job unless I move out.