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Live happy life as a loner?

7K views 60 replies 38 participants last post by  Wanderlust26 
#1 ·
Is it possible? Anyone over 30 here who is happy and content without friends or wife/husband? I guess the key is finding hobbies you are really passionate about. What advice would you give someone like me who is a loner, but not really "into" anything at the moment. Kind of just going from day to day. Anyways, looking for feedback. I won't be offended if you tell me I will be miserable all my life without friends LOL :grin2:
 
#2 ·
I'm 30 and I can't say I'm content. I have a few friends, but I wouldn't say I'm particularly close to anyone. I have hobbies I enjoy, but can't help but feel like I could do so much more. No idea what though. Options are limited and unappealing where I live. Like you I feel like a drifter and constantly question what the point of everything is. :-\
 
#3 ·
I mean, I can't say I don't want someone to spend my life with. But I also know I have never been happy in a relationship and definitely have never gotten what I want out of one, and, at this point, I doubt the ability of a relationship to make me happy and to provide me with what I'd like out of one.

The friends thing is very similar to the relationship thing. I can count on one hand the number of good friendships I've had in my life. I think most friendships aren't worth the effort it'd take for me to make them happen. Relationships for me almost always feel like me giving and the other person taking, whether they're friendships or more, and I know that's partially about my personality. I think it'd be easier to keep that dynamic from recurring in a romantic relationship than it'd be in a friendship. Regardless, I'm not interested in a friendship that's just basically going to benefit the other person and not me--what's the point of that?

But this is why I'm happier without friendships and dating, because it's all about me.

Personally, it's not really about "hobbies." I always see people answer with hobbies and friends when talking about being single. But I have my family, i.e. parents, and I'm happy with that. I am obsessed with sports, though, particularly watching. But sports don't get me through most of the summer, given that my favorite sports are football, basketball, college softball and tennis, and except tennis, they're all done until mid-August.
 
#7 ·
I'm not content but I've resigned myself to a life as a loner. I share custody of my child with my ex-husband and the time I'm not with them, my life lacks purpose and meaning. I work full time and attach the mask every morning, but at night it's just me, quiet, alone. Weekends are the same. I'm too shy to socialise and meet new people face to face. I don't relate well to many people, and I've always felt that way. Relationships just don't seem to work for me. I'm kind of tired of trying again. But don't think I'll ever be content. I'll always know something is different. At least I'm not the only one.....
 
#9 ·
can't shut off the mild reliance on people

about 3 people I trust.
brother too old to relate
two friends.

we all email.
certainly don't need the parents but last 10 years Dad and I got on OK since mum died. however ripply and weird communication can be, I need people. they're a treat. I miss them. Don't know how to fix our lack of talking.

life full of perks

don't know when to say let'd go pub, or keep quiet, to keep people happy.

My severe harsh paranormal loneliness kicks in occasionally. That's when I see any media.. happy, gleeful famous people so wealthy for doing nothing at all except looking pretty, doing movies and being on TV. Facebook a solemn display of people's pride with their offspring, homes, holidays.
Sure all of this is rooted in happy, wealthy parents. My parents were never like that. They passed their humble existence to me, heavily. serious matter, cannot be transformed by any mighty effort of determinedness, rigorous moral soulful stamina. I had that. Years of hospital. A hero. Years of severe migraine, splenectomy, a poor immune system supplied by mum. I had the power of..'Neo?' Health not worried about. I rose above it.

Just purely unexpected barricades of inept people of authority above me, deciding to reject. A tough battle. I get through it a lot. I win. Hard to keep this up. There is bare determination out there to oppress me. I had to buckle and accept it. I turned it all into humour. Happy, wealthy people don't want to deal with losers. They enjoy crushing us & laugh. Their purpose in life. I'm surprised there hasn't yet been an uprising of any type. I want to. Being in a minority makes this unlikely.

Mum's external social family of cousins, aunties, uncles.. all dead..! were important to her, introduced but boring to me.
Same for today & future life. I never met my grandparents. One. There would have been 4 but I was late on scene. All my nieces and their offspring met my parents. They found grumpiness.

example how all my friends have girlfriends but only once I'm told 'not getting on'. The reasons not revealed. They moved to individual homes after living together. That happened to me too, long ago in 2001 after 4.5 years together in shared houses.
 
#10 ·
Are you happy being a loner? I couldn't be happy because I would find myself getting lost in my own head without having anyone to talk to and in my experience being in my own head can be a dangerous place. You can only distract yourself for so long but as human beings I believe we all crave connection with others. Relationships with others leads to a more fulfilling life and opens new avenues to experiences you might not discover on your own.

Finding a hobby you're passionate about which involves mixing with other people is very rewarding. I was a loner for a long time and grew discontent and unhappy, feeling I was just going through the motions and missing out on so much more. It's challenging when you have social anxiety to change ingrained behaviours but I find myself happier having taken action to mix with others.
 
#12 ·
Life without any friends is meaningless. You can achieve great things, be the best at your job, be super wealthy but if you get home and you have nobody to talk to, you spend your weekends alone in front of the PC screen then your life is as pointless as it could bet. If I could transform myself to an extrovert, I would do it without even thinking.

You can say that you're happy with who you're and bla bla bla but the thing is that if there was some magic machine that would allow you to switch over your body with an extrovert, you would do it without thinking because you can only experience life to its full potential if you're an extrovert.

Extroverts are the happiest people in the world. They can say whatever they want, they can wear whatever they want, they can do whatever they want and they won't give a damn about anything.

If I had a chance to pick whether to be a millionaire and introverted or to work my entire life for a minimum wage and be extroverted, I would pick the later.
 
#13 ·
I think it's possible for some people. Not me, but one of my brothers seems to be happy with few friends. I won't say none because I can't say for sure, but I know he doesn't have that many and he doesn't have a girlfriend. He's 27.

One time, when we were together during the holidays, we were talking about food. He likes to cook. He asked me, "If food isn't tasty, what's the point of it all?" I didn't know what to say to that because I was thinking, Friends, family, love. That's the point. Things like food are meaningful to me when they're part of a shared experience with someone else. If I'm cooking for myself, I don't care.
 
#17 ·
As I have said before in a similar thread, I think it's possible if you have the right skills and a lot of luck.

That said, most people aren't happy no matter what. The ones who claim to be are acting. Most people are unhappy more than they're happy and everyone knows it. Everyone knows it but almost no one is willing to admit it because they believe not admitting it makes it not so.
 
#19 ·
I'm 30 and content alone.
I wish i could say differently because it's becoming easier and easier to become alone.

As far as hobbies, sometimes they come out of nowhere. :D
I"m planning my second solo vacation. Its nice doing what i want when i want.

I don't romanticize dating or having friends. Just because someone is in a relationship, doesn't mean they are happy. Dating and meeting new people makes me very anxious. Meeting prospects is becoming akin to a job.

I've always been a loner, and people dont seem to like me much so it has worked out...
 
#22 ·
It's possible, especially when you are a schizoid. I've been diagnosed with schizoid personality along with sad. People who are schizoid don't need other people.

I am alone for pretty much the last 2 years and I'm a happy loner/fine with that. Never craved people. People make me bored, social interactions give me no pleasure and I don't have anything to talk about nor want to, even if we have many common interests. Everything has to do with dopamine and the reward centers in brain. Some people hate celery while others love it. It gives them pleasure. Just like that, socialising/talking to people gives me no pleasure at all. Sometimes it's interesting with online friends only.
 
#23 ·
Sometimes I feel, like I'm a bit schizoid, too. I wish I could crap on what people think and endure all the hate against me. But my traumatic experiences and anxiety don't let me... it's kind of contradictionary... you don't need people but at the same time you think about their reactions and fear them...
 
#25 ·
we are human. human are social being. so yes, your life will be miserable WITHOUT social interaction. but social interaction doesn't always have to be with other human and face to face.... i guess?

there are tons of online application right now. or if you want face to face interaction, join some communities from your hobbies. or another interaction you can have is... of course with PET! dog is a good option! you will be forced to interact with the dog, walking them everyday, trimming them (in salon you'll meet other people), consulting with trainer, etc.

or... this is a bit controversial i guess... this isn't social interaction but... interact with... God. only if you believe in Him, though. whenever you're lonely, pray to Him. read bible if you're Christian. just do what you usually do with your God.
 
#30 ·
we are human. human are social being. so yes, your life will be miserable WITHOUT social interaction. but social interaction doesn't always have to be with other human and face to face.... i guess?

there are tons of online application right now. or if you want face to face interaction, join some communities from your hobbies. or another interaction you can have is... of course with PET! dog is a good option! you will be forced to interact with the dog, walking them everyday, trimming them (in salon you'll meet other people), consulting with trainer, etc.

or... this is a bit controversial i guess... this isn't social interaction but... interact with... God. only if you believe in Him, though. whenever you're lonely, pray to Him. read bible if you're Christian. just do what you usually do with your God.
I suppose different people need different levels of socialization. I can go to walmart or out to eat by myself, go to online forums, and be satisfied for the most part. Oh and i have a fabulous dog. I almost responded that i didn't socialize, but i do, just not in the way others socialize.
 
#26 ·
Once you recognize that nothing outside of your mind can bring you one scintilla of happiness, peace and contentment, you won't seek it in people, things, activities, experiences, etc.

This goes to the problem of the lack of education of our minds, and one of the results of that lacking is that most people perpetually seek what they most need (which is peace and happiness) in external things, including other people. But what people find time and time again is that their needs are not met when they get what they thought would bring them their peace and happiness.
And so people keep looking, or they change the people, or the things, or their job, or their home, or their town, or their car, or their interior decoration, etc etc....all to no avail. And so this goes on and on throughout most people's lives.

The first thing I would recommend is not to label yourself in any way (calling yourself a loner). Labels are very damaging (two you and to others) and they are never true anyway. We are all alone in fact, all the time. Even though sometimes we have people around us, does not mean we are not alone. Other people just give us a feeling that we aren't alone, when we really are.
Again, this goes back to the problem of a lack of education for our minds, which if we had, we would not have this fixation on being with other people, pretty much all the time (because most people are scared to be alone). Its as if other people can get rid of our thoughts about being alone and cure loneliness, among other benefits that some people believe others can provide.

I am at home and alone almost all the time and love every minute of it. I work on a couple of personal projects, when I wish to, but I do not feel the need to be "into" anything. What I spend my time on depends on what appeals, hour by hour, day by day. Some days I'll sleep a lot. Other days I will be up for 18 or more hours. It depends on my energy level, and other factors, which vary.
Perhaps one day something will come up that takes my interest and if so, I may choose to focus on that. Until and if that happens, I feel no compulsion or pressure at all to be "doing" anything that I don't wish to.

If you have not done so before, there is great benefit in doing nothing, something that everyone can benefit from. But in the world we live in, with its almost endless and vehement obsession and fixation with production and the ever present invented things like "achievement", "progress", "development" and other such non existent things, doing nothing seems to not get a look in very much.

If you want to understand what is creating any need for you to be "doing", you need to become aware of what thoughts you have. And you will probably find is that these thoughts are not your own.

We do not have to do anything really, beyond meeting our biological needs.
The bird, the flower, the lion, etc., all go about meeting their biological needs. But once that is done, the rest of the time they just loll about and are just fine being the bird, the flower, the lion, etc.

Just being is enough.

[Edit: fixed typos (in bold)]
 
#37 ·
Once you recognize that nothing outside of your mind can bring you one scintilla of happiness, peace and contentment, you won't seek it in people, things, activities, experiences, etc.

This goes to the problem of the lack of education of our minds, and one of the results of that lacking is that most people perpetually seek what they most need (which is peace and happiness) in external things, including other people. But what people find time and time again is that their needs are not met when they get what they thought would bring them their peace and happiness.
And so people keep looking, or they change the people, or the things, or their job, or their home, or their town, or their car, or their interior decoration, etc etc....all to no avail. And so this goes on and on throughout most people's lives.

The first thing I would recommend is not to label yourself in any way (calling yourself a loner). Labels are very damaging (two you and to others) and they are never true anyway. We are all alone in fact, all the time. Even though sometimes we have people around us, does not mean we are alone. Other people just give is a feeling that we aren't alone, when we really are.
Again, this goes back to the problem of a lack of education for our minds, which if we had, we would not have this fixation on being with other people, pretty much all the time (because most people are scared to be alone). Its as if other people can get rid of our thoughts about being alone and cure loneliness, among other benefits that some people believe others can provide.

I am at home and alone almost all the time and love every minute of it. I work on a couple of personal projects, when I wish to, but I do not feel the need to be "into" anything. What I spend my time on depends on what appeals, hour by hour, day by day. Some days i'll sleep a lot. Other days I will be up for 18 or more hours. It depends on my energy level, and other factors, which vary.
Perhaps one day something will come up that takes my interest and if so, I may choose to focus on that. Until and if that happens, I feel no compulsion or pressure at all to be "doing" anything that I don't wish to.

If you have not done so before, there is great benefit in doing nothing, something that everyone can benefit from. But in the world we live in, with its almost endless and vehement obsession and fixation with production and the ever present invented things like "achievement", "progress", "development" and other such non existent things, doing nothing seems to not get a look in very much.

If you want to understand what is creating any need for you to be "doing", you need to become aware of what thoughts you have. And you will probably find is that these thoughts are not your own.

We do not have to do anything really, beyond meeting your biological needs.
The bird, the flower, the lion, etc., all go about meeting their biological needs. But once that is done, the rest of the time they just loll about and are just fine being the bird, the flower, the lion, etc.

Just being is enough.
Wow I felt peaceful and contented just reading that. Going back to sleep now. 3:15am & work in the morning. Bye everybody :)
 
#27 ·
Where did life go?
It was here and I thought I could grab it.
The next second,
it’s gone away.
Walking through the streets,
nobodys baggage except my own,
a medical cocktail
of things that went wrong.
I never asked to be here
“what can I do to change?”.
Time to go home,
time to return,
to the myre of pity.
 
#32 ·
If you are happy with being by yourself and do not feel like socialising then its not really a problem, the worst thing you can do is try and live up to societys standard of having to have friends or a partner, this will only make you miserable if you try and don't really want to do it.
 
#33 ·
If you are asking this question, probably not.

I am content as a loner. I have little drive or desire to be with others, but that doesn't mean I am happy or satisfied with myself. The trouble for me isn't the thought of being a loner, but more that I haven't any idea what I want out of life. I find it unsettling to think that I could spend the rest of my life not knowing what I want to do with it.

If you can live your daily life as a loner, having no need to connect with others regularly, and to simply do your own thing even if it is against the current, then you will be content. But if you want more than this, if you find yourself at times needing someone to bond over with and form partnership, I don't think you'll ever be satisfied. You will always want more.

Make goals, and aim to achieve them. If you reach those goals and jump with joy, then turn to share that moment and find there is nobody there to share it with ... I wouldn't say it's the best lifestyle for you.
 
#39 ·
I am content as a loner. I have little drive or desire to be with others, but that doesn't mean I am happy or satisfied with myself. The trouble for me isn't the thought of being a loner, but more that I haven't any idea what I want out of life. I find it unsettling to think that I could spend the rest of my life not knowing what I want to do with it.
How do you know that you have to "do" anything?

It might seem as though other people are "doing" things, but they really are not. They are mostly distracting themselves.
There is actually nothing to do in reality beyond meeting our biological needs. It is only other people's ideas/concepts, beliefs, opinions that propel people to behave in particular ways, but "doing" does not actually give anyone one iota of peace and happiness (which is what we all ultimately want and why we do anything).
This is because nothing outside of your mind can bring you peace and happiness.

Humans are the only living things that seem fixated on doing things that do not meet their real needs. And none of it actually brings people any peace or happiness. What it mostly does is distract people from their thoughts (because few people are actually taught how to not give attention to thoughts). It also keeps people in a constant state of overstimulation.
Our whole society has been structured for this purpose.

Giving attention to thoughts such as "What will I do with my life", "I have to do something with my life or its a waste", etc., is what causes you to suffer/feel bad/be anxious, etc., not because you are not actually doing anything.

You are not wasting anything, you are not losing or missing anything.
 
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