I've had a recent epiphany lately: that since childhood, most of my decisions - both big, life changing ones and small, minute ones - have been based on the decision on fear. Hence, with fear being the most primary emotion, it has been in my nature to flee and seldom take a chance. I would have actively pursued employment, drive more regularly, act upon girls signals more confidently, speak my true mind, perform practical tasks in front of others and attend new, social situations if it weren't for the anxiety weighing me down. It often comes across as either laziness or arrogance, when deep down it is the fear of being judged and failure.
I don't know if I have Social Anxiety Disorder; I'd argue it's more general anxiety, as I get anxious about many things with socialising being one of them, but not to the point of being paralyzed to do so. My late mother had anxiety, and my father seems to also have some anxiety issues. However, unlike myself, who in a way is a Prodigy, I don't think they were ever fully aware of their ability to train their mind and take control.
To be aware of your distorted emotions is half the battle. Using our more advanced part of our brain, the cerebral cortex, we can loigcalise that these negative emotions of fear and anxiety are simply delusions, our imaginations taking a more negative turn. With practice, we can overcome this. We must train ourselves, stay persistent and take control when anxiety strikes.
I've done this more or less for about a year now, and although - like the past week - I've gone into the slumps to the point of not having the capacity to do this, I'm returning to my wise nature and powerful mind to tackle the anxiety, and I just want to share what I do.
1) Become aware of all the previous anxiety situations that have taken place, and how in the long run they were NEVER as bad as you made them out to be.
2) The only one judging you is yourself. When you speak your mind, know that is only you that feels what you say is inferior; when you feel you're input is infrerior, anxiety is sure to ensue. Entering this pattern will make you more susceptible to anxiety in the future, refraining from talking.
3) Think positive. Become genuinely excited about doing things, learning, speaking to others as opposed to fear them.
4) Even if the situation that you were anxious turns out bad, know it will not affect you in the long run and you will soon not care; you will just start caring, if anything, about future situations as opposed to reflecting on the past.
5) If you are making a decision, and fear is the only thing holding you back, then clearly you know in the long run that the fear was just an altered perception of reality and that you will most likely regret not taking the chance. The sadness of failure is a tempoarily one; but to regret never taking the chance will always remain.
I have never seen a psychologist, or have had perscription medication in all the times I have been anxious. I used to think I could tackle this on my own, and to seek professional help is a sign of failure and weakness. But, after reading a new chapter of 'The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World' by His Holliness the Dalai Lama, I now know that i can use both my wisdom but also form some interconnectiveness and get some outside help and perspective. Perhaps some medication will simply aid the way I'm thinking? Because, just recently, I've fallen into the trap of not even attempting, letting anxiety take over me; and when this occurs, more anxiety results.
So maybe I should get some SSRI's or something? Maybe it will give me of a boost that I've never felt before. Because the anxiety still lingers, and this is something I've never overcome; just subduing it when it occurs.
I used to play on the piano two months ago just before my 21st birthday 'Let it Be' by The Beatles/Paul McCartney, when I was getting anxiety about the preparation and the night itself (I posted a topic on this). Listen to it when feeling anxious, and just let it be. We only live once.