Social Anxiety Support

Anxiety75 · 09-10-2006, 03:33 PM

You know, I was just thinking how hard it can be to start a conversation or to stay on one with people. Then we get that, "You're so quiet" and all that. That proves to me one thing- either they apparently lack good manners. Or maybe skills for conversation. Not because they suffer from SA, but because they haven't learned how to talk to more quiet/or shy and SA people. Maybe they are just small-minded. There are those that are so gentle and know how to bring some of us out. Those rare people are priceless.

Sometimes it's like you have known them for a long time. Rare but possible. Anyway, don't be overly concerned over others' lack of positive conversation.

Just work on what you would like to do to help overcome that mental block or brain freeze we get around others such as at parties, and other social gatherings. Or any place.

Here are some questions that you can ask to keep the conversation going
such as

How are you feeling today?
Did you ever go to Paris? (or other location)
Did you get to see that new movie? (mention it by name)
How is your mom/dad?
Did you ever get your computer fixed?

What do you really like to do for fun? (hobbies)

How was last weekend?

How are all the dogs/cats?

How are the kids/grandkids?

Does your husband still like his new job? etc

Also try to keep track of their concerns and the things they tell you and when you see them again you can sort of follow up on what they told you.
I am doing this some at work with my friend because sometimes I don't know what to say to her. Then I remember that there were cetain things she told me and I remember to ask about how things went or turned out.

For example, she and her husband ride bikes for miles amd do lots of activities. I can ask her how her weekend went with the biking and did they enjoy it.

I know most of this stuff sounds pretty obvious, but I have to remember to think about what they said last time and try not to think about my fear or whatever I am feeling.

It can be harder than it looks but it's possible. I'm working on it. If I can think of anything else I'll post it cause I have been thinking a lot about my slow recovery. By asking these questions, it can lead to other topics for conversation and when you get going sometimes you don't really want to stop. (rare but it's happened to me).

KimberlyK · 09-10-2006, 03:50 PM

Great advice! I just don't want anyone using it on me.

On a serious note, it really does help to focus on the other person's life and interests when you feel like you just want to run and hide.

reticent · 09-10-2006, 06:09 PM

I agree, that is great advice Anxiety75. You also touched upon something I think commands some consideration and real thought. What is it about those people that they can easily draw us out of our shells. You mentioned gentleness, but for the life of me, I can't seem to pinpoint the other qualities these people have. Yet I am certain they possess more.

Sunny Day · 09-12-2006, 10:21 AM

Good advice. I have tried asking how a person is doing, how their family is doing, etc. and at times I get this "mind your own business". It makes me so mad. I was raised in a southern state and being friendly was how I was taught to be. So, when I can come out of my SA and try to be friendly, I get rejection and rudeness. Oh well.

09-10-2006, 03:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Anxiety75 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Dallas,Tx Gender: Female Age: 34 Posts: 4,074	just some thoughts and tips for SA You know, I was just thinking how hard it can be to start a conversation or to stay on one with people. Then we get that, "You're so quiet" and all that. That proves to me one thing- either they apparently lack good manners. Or maybe skills for conversation. Not because they suffer from SA, but because they haven't learned how to talk to more quiet/or shy and SA people. Maybe they are just small-minded. There are those that are so gentle and know how to bring some of us out. Those rare people are priceless. Sometimes it's like you have known them for a long time. Rare but possible. Anyway, don't be overly concerned over others' lack of positive conversation. Just work on what you would like to do to help overcome that mental block or brain freeze we get around others such as at parties, and other social gatherings. Or any place. Here are some questions that you can ask to keep the conversation going such as How are you feeling today? Did you ever go to Paris? (or other location) Did you get to see that new movie? (mention it by name) How is your mom/dad? Did you ever get your computer fixed? What do you really like to do for fun? (hobbies) How was last weekend? How are all the dogs/cats? How are the kids/grandkids? Does your husband still like his new job? etc Also try to keep track of their concerns and the things they tell you and when you see them again you can sort of follow up on what they told you. I am doing this some at work with my friend because sometimes I don't know what to say to her. Then I remember that there were cetain things she told me and I remember to ask about how things went or turned out. For example, she and her husband ride bikes for miles amd do lots of activities. I can ask her how her weekend went with the biking and did they enjoy it. I know most of this stuff sounds pretty obvious, but I have to remember to think about what they said last time and try not to think about my fear or whatever I am feeling. It can be harder than it looks but it's possible. I'm working on it. If I can think of anything else I'll post it cause I have been thinking a lot about my slow recovery. By asking these questions, it can lead to other topics for conversation and when you get going sometimes you don't really want to stop. (rare but it's happened to me). __________________ "A simple man believes everything he hears; a clever man understands the need for proof." Proverbs 14:15-The New English Bible 'O the depth of God's richness and wisdom and knowledge! How unsearchable his judgements are and past tracing out his ways are!'-Romans 11:33

09-10-2006, 06:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
reticent Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: out on a limb Posts: 89	I agree, that is great advice Anxiety75. You also touched upon something I think commands some consideration and real thought. What is it about those people that they can easily draw us out of our shells. You mentioned gentleness, but for the life of me, I can't seem to pinpoint the other qualities these people have. Yet I am certain they possess more. __________________ "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly." MLK Jr.

09-10-2006, 03:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
KimberlyK Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 921	Great advice! I just don't want anyone using it on me. On a serious note, it really does help to focus on the other person's life and interests when you feel like you just want to run and hide.

09-12-2006, 10:21 AM	#4 (permalink)
Sunny Day Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 577	Good advice. I have tried asking how a person is doing, how their family is doing, etc. and at times I get this "mind your own business". It makes me so mad. I was raised in a southern state and being friendly was how I was taught to be. So, when I can come out of my SA and try to be friendly, I get rejection and rudeness. Oh well.