Just accepting ourselves. Is there anything we can do? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-19-2007, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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Just accepting ourselves. Is there anything we can do?

Well, I just watched some episodes of the Boy Meets World and I remembered watching those same episodes 10 years ago and wanting to have a life just close to fulfilled as the characters in that show had.
I remembered how I felt 10 years ago watching those very same episodes.
I felt disfunctional but I thought hey, my time will come.
Now 10 years later I see that not much has changed, in fact I've became even more disfunctional.
Maybe it's just who I am..
Maybe the perfect life for me will always be wathing those sitcoms and feeling all great about it because I don't see anything like that ever happening to me.

Now, I know that life isn't a movie, a sitcom or anything like that but should I just give up on trying and accept myself for who I am?

Maybe this whole disfunctional thing is a part of me that I can't change. Maybe it defines me. Maybe it's who I am.

So, I just watched the graduation episde and I'm in the very same situation right now yet I still hate HS, I hate going to HS, I don't have that much friends, in fact I don't have one real friend and when HS is over I don't see myself staying in contact with many people.
It just won't happen since I'm not close with anyone.
And what will then become of me?

I'm usually now down like this but what if this is all true?
What if other things may seem nice and all but deep down we truly know what's goig on indeed?

These Boy Meets World episodes were a big eye opener for me. 10 years later and things have only gotten worse.
Going by this pace, who knows what the next 10 years will bring.

I don't say, give up on trying, give up on life, give up on everything..
I'm just saying....maybe we should just accept some things about ourselves.
I don't know about you but I now realize that I was disfunctional my whole life and I don't see that changing.

I love the fact that I'm different than most people but in the end I always wanted to be satisfied with my life, one way or another but I now I just see that no matter what I will probably never be happy because I just don't have the potential to be happy. I'm limited by my own personality, not a SA disorder or anything, it's my personality, a personality disorder or whatever it is and because of it I can't be happy.
I could've been happy on many ways I think but in the end that personality would always get in the way.

It's just who I am. I'm not a bad person, I think. I'm not crazy either. I'm not stupid. I'm just disfunctional on many ways no matter how much I try to hide it...
I have many issues and it will always be a part of me...

When you see that you had same issues at 8 as you have at 18 you know that you haven't made much strides in your life.
Guess I was just always this way. Don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm like that but I am and I need to learn to live with it.
That's me..I now realize that.

I just don't know..
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-20-2007, 09:46 AM
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re: Just accepting ourselves. Is there anything we can do?

ive tried!...oh god have i tried...but as long as i see my problems as a weakness ill never be able to accept them...but this thread has started me thinking again...maybe ill find a way
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-20-2007, 10:50 AM
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re: Just accepting ourselves. Is there anything we can do?

I read this somewhere and I thought it was interesting: "The opposite of acceptance is resistance."

I guess you need to ask yourself what exactly have you done in the last 10 years to battle SA. If you did nothing about it and hoped that it would go away on its own, then you really didn't give yourself a chance to change at all. I mean if you are happy watching sitcoms and staying in then maybe it is the perfect life for you.

It's a good thing that you like to be different, you have to learn to like yourself (we all do). If you are not satisfied with your life right now, you should think about what it is you would change - create some goals that you can aspire to. Where do you want to be in another 10 years? Hell, where do you want to be next year?
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-20-2007, 11:01 AM
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Accepting yourself is an important part of overcoming social anxiety, because when you accept, you're not fighting or struggling with yourself. Calm, peaceful, acceptance has great power. But I think the kind of "acceptance" you're talking about isn't necessarily healthy. Its ok to accept that you have social anxiety right now, but you also have to realize that deep down, its not who you really are, and you have to decide to move in a more positive direction. The mind is more powerful than you think. If you calmly refute those negative thoughts and feelings and deliberately focus on good, positive, beautiful things, then you can start to literally change your mind and have a whole new outlook on life.

Accept all the different parts of your personality. Accept the way you act and the things you say, and accept people's reactions to you. That is healthy acceptance. And I don't mean to make light of the way you're feeling at all, but, you're only 18. You are still young and still have so much of your life to live, so don't just resign yourself to being miserable for the rest of your life. I am 22, and am amazed at how much i've grown and how much i've learned in the last four years. I think high school sucked for the good majority of people on this board. It was definitely the worst period of my life, and I didn't have one real friend to show for those whole 4 years of high school. But then I went to college, moved out of my house, got a boyfriend, and became stronger in believing in myself and my abilities. I'm doing better now, but I still have a long ways to go. And I accept where I am in my life right now, knowing that if I keep moving forward and don't give up, I will continue to make progress.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-20-2007, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Well, I don't think it's just SA: I didn't know I had SA at 8.
It's everything else, my whole personality, it's just messed up, very disfunctional.
It's just my whole persona...completely messed up.

But anyway, my point is that maybe that's me....
Maybe asking for happiness is unrealistic of me because my whole idea of happiness seems to be unrealistic atm and when you consider how I've always been I just don't see myself being happy ever, not when I'm this disfunctional.

I just don't know..
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-24-2007, 11:24 PM
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I have a very hard time accepting myself. I have never been able to do it, and it's a big part of why I have SA. I know it's horrible to think this way, but there are just so many things about myself that I don't like. Most of the things are parts of me that I just can't change-- parts of my personality and physical appearance. I just don't know how you can accept things about yourself that you don't like.

As a made-up example, let's say there is a person that is missing a finger, and it really makes them feel self conscious. It bothers them so much that they hate themself because of it. They feel that everyone is judging them negatively because of their missing finger, and they feel very inferior because of it. They will always be missing that finger, so they will have to deal with it for the rest of their life.

How could a person accept that they will always have a missing finger? It's not something that I can figure out. How can they embrace this and not let it bother them?

It's all a mystery to me.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-25-2007, 11:27 AM
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bit of advice if you want to take it, but i think you could benefit from a psychiatrist.

And straight of of the tao

If you want to become whole, first let yourself become broken. If you want to become straight, first let yourself become twisted. If you want to become full, first let yourself become empty. If you want to become new, first let yourself become old. Those whose desires are few get them, those whose desires are great go astray.

learn, teach, respect and peace.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-25-2007, 12:09 PM
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I accept myself. It doesn't do me any good though because no one else ever accepts me.
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