Well, I just watched some episodes of the Boy Meets World and I remembered watching those same episodes 10 years ago and wanting to have a life just close to fulfilled as the characters in that show had.
I remembered how I felt 10 years ago watching those very same episodes.
I felt disfunctional but I thought hey, my time will come.
Now 10 years later I see that not much has changed, in fact I've became even more disfunctional.
Maybe it's just who I am..
Maybe the perfect life for me will always be wathing those sitcoms and feeling all great about it because I don't see anything like that ever happening to me.
Now, I know that life isn't a movie, a sitcom or anything like that but should I just give up on trying and accept myself for who I am?
Maybe this whole disfunctional thing is a part of me that I can't change. Maybe it defines me. Maybe it's who I am.
So, I just watched the graduation episde and I'm in the very same situation right now yet I still hate HS, I hate going to HS, I don't have that much friends, in fact I don't have one real friend and when HS is over I don't see myself staying in contact with many people.
It just won't happen since I'm not close with anyone.
And what will then become of me?
I'm usually now down like this but what if this is all true?
What if other things may seem nice and all but deep down we truly know what's goig on indeed?
These Boy Meets World episodes were a big eye opener for me. 10 years later and things have only gotten worse.
Going by this pace, who knows what the next 10 years will bring.
I don't say, give up on trying, give up on life, give up on everything..
I'm just saying....maybe we should just accept some things about ourselves.
I don't know about you but I now realize that I was disfunctional my whole life and I don't see that changing.
I love the fact that I'm different than most people but in the end I always wanted to be satisfied with my life, one way or another but I now I just see that no matter what I will probably never be happy because I just don't have the potential to be happy. I'm limited by my own personality, not a SA disorder or anything, it's my personality, a personality disorder or whatever it is and because of it I can't be happy.
I could've been happy on many ways I think but in the end that personality would always get in the way.
It's just who I am. I'm not a bad person, I think. I'm not crazy either. I'm not stupid. I'm just disfunctional on many ways no matter how much I try to hide it...
I have many issues and it will always be a part of me...
When you see that you had same issues at 8 as you have at 18 you know that you haven't made much strides in your life.
Guess I was just always this way. Don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm like that but I am and I need to learn to live with it.
That's me..I now realize that.