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Old 03-17-2010, 09:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default It's okay to be quiet, the world needs more quiet people

My roomate invited me to go to this networking thing with her so we could talk with professionals and "network." I didn't go because I know I can't talk to people or "network." At first I felt guilty, but a paper my therapist gave me says that an affirmation is, "It's okay to be quiet. The world needs more quiet people."

I think this is true. I am trying to learn to be okay with being quiet. I am tired of feeling guilty that I am not a loud extrovert. The less I say, the more I feel better about myself sometimes. I like privacy. I feel good when I genuinely listen to people instead of trying to fret over what to say next. What do you think? Maybe the world needs more quiet people like us. Maybe we should cultivate our quietness and instead focus on being really good listeners instead of trying to be something we're not.
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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It's hell getting there but I've gotten a lot more positive results with people actively being as shy as I am than I have trying to be anyone else.
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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When I try to be extroverted, loud, funny, or witty in real life, I just end up feeling like a fool or feeling like I said something stupid. It is very anxiety provoking and I feel like a fake and not my true self. However when I'm quiet I don't really get deeply involved with a lot of people except by the rare accident.
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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But those rare accidents tend to be people worth keeping around.
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Really? a therapist wrote that? that's awesome. I feel like that too everyday when I go to work and everyone is talking around me and I want to join but I can't and In a way I like being quiet but I feel like crap for feeling like that.
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Being quiet,shy and sometimes enjoying my own company more than others is ok by me,but what I want is to feel more comfortable in social situations.It's probably normal being quiet and shy,but it's not normal to be afraid of going to a social situation.I would like to able to be social when I want to without fearing it..
I'll never be this outgoing person who has a thousand friends who I sometimes wish that I could be and it is hard to accept that I'm not that person,but I think I need to accept who I am because I think I will be more confident and sure of myself then I am now.
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I don't mind being quiet, or being seen as quiet. The main problem with it is just that it makes it very hard to make friends with people, and I don't even want a thousand of them. I just want to be able to establish and maintain relationships with people I like as I encounter them, rather than never managing to say a word before I lose the chance . . .
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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The world certainly needs them, but it doesn't want them. That's how I feel sometimes.
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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When I'm comfortable I usually get the feeling I talk too much.
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I do believe it's okay to be quiet. Trying to convince extroverts that it is okay for you to be quiet is easier said than done though, especially if they are morons and in higher positions of power (moronic parents, moronic bosses...).

However I do believe that there is a path by which a quiet person could actually make it work in a 'networking' meeting by just being ever so slightly more vocal (without selling out your introversion). I don't know how to find that path yet though.
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Old 03-18-2010, 02:44 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Sounds like a really good therapist. I agree with their quote. It's a really good one actually. I've been trying to 'act' extroverted and loud, but I just keep making a fool of myself. Then I realise, its not the real me. Best to be yourself, because thats you at your best.
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Old 03-18-2010, 03:30 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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It probably is best to be yourself, but sometimes we have to force ourselves to open up a little more. For me, talking about random BS isn't my top priority so often I'll opt out. However, if I want something specific I'll try and speak up, and I think that is all that matters.

I generally see quiet and reserved people more trustworthy and kind, but that may be a narcissistic view of myself, I'm not sure. In any case, I hate to have the responsibility of being the "lively" one..just let me be me, which is something I should accept as well...
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Old 03-18-2010, 09:15 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I've been seeing a psychologist and they basically said the same thing. It is ok to be quiet, thats just the way some of us are. I wouldn't want to change myself, being loud isn't who I am. She also made the point that chatty people like someone who will listen to them. I think a lot of us quiet people have potential to be good friends.

She said she was at a party recently with people she's known for years, and it got to a point she just wanted to leave. Its normal, not everyone likes to be surrounded by people all the time.
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Old 03-18-2010, 09:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I just fear the loss of self identity.

...

*awkward silence time!*
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Old 03-18-2010, 10:54 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
I do believe it's okay to be quiet. Trying to convince extroverts that it is okay for you to be quiet is easier said than done though, especially if they are morons and in higher positions of power (moronic parents, moronic bosses...).
Truthfully all my friends are rather extreme extroverts that just happened to have the need for someone to listen to them. It seems I'm rather good at listening (and I'd bet as a whole this group of quiet people here is) and they REALLY appreciate it. The few people that have made it inside my bubble (you know pushed me hard enough to actually talk to them) are still my friends and I know damned good and well they have my back. Since they happen to be extreme extroverts they know a lot of people and in a way I have a proxy network to build through. I'd say in a way I have the better end of the stick because all I have to do to have my network is maintain a couple of really strong friendships.
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Old 03-18-2010, 11:29 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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I don't mind being quiet. It just sucks though when I want to say something but can't.
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Old 03-18-2010, 11:31 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I just feel like an ******* every time I try to say something because I'm usually not expected to so people hardly notice I'm trying to be a part of the conversation and I just get talked over unless I start interrupting them.
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:15 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Ya my college counsellor told me there is nothing wrong with being quite and that it mean you can be a good listener.

My Gran always tells people I have a quite nature if anyone ever committed on how quite I was, I like when she does that. But then my step-grandad tells me I'm like a ghost creeping about the house - so then I don't feel real
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:48 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jhanniffy View Post
But then my step-grandad tells me I'm like a ghost creeping about the house - so then I don't feel real
When my anxiety gets really bad I start thinking of myself as "the invisible man" and somehow it seems that people quit noticing that I'm even in the room.
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Old 03-18-2010, 03:15 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I agree, and i love that quote.
We have to be ok with being a quiet person first. If you're ok and comfortable with yourself, you will speak when you want to instead of feeling like a compulsion to speak. And if you feel like speaking less number of times than another person, so what? It's a good way to think. You should never have anxiety from being a quiet person if you are one naturally. For me the problem occurs when i WANT to say something but i can't because of anxiety.
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