Social Anxiety Support

lj42 · 02-23-2009, 02:18 PM

The tought has come to me that most times SA is not really the problem, it is a symptom of a problem, the problem being Diffidence. (Lacking or marked by a lack of self-confidence; shy and timid. -- The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company. )

on this forum I’ve seen many posts about how to deal with different social anxiety issues. I think a better approach is to work on self-esteerm. Once you feel good about your self most of the issues that before seemed like such a big problem and required nitpicking solutions falls away.

its_Rob · 02-23-2009, 02:33 PM

Yeah,well most of us know that. The problem is trying to get the confidence. Some people are so used to negativity that they don't accept any kind of positivity. For example my gym teacher some times tells me that I'm getting big and muscular and my little sister even said that my muscles are getting big but I don't believe any of it and it really pisses me off when I get those kind of compliments.

lionel3185 · 02-23-2009, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by its_Rob

Yeah,well most of us know that. The problem is trying to get the confidence. Some people are so used to negativity that they don't accept any kind of positivity. For example my gym teacher some times tells me that I'm getting big and muscular and my little sister even said that my muscles are getting big but I don't believe any of it and it really pisses me off when I get those kind of compliments.

Very true. I'm also the same myself. It's as if we don't think we are worthy enough for praise, which goes back to the issue of self-esteem. That is a good example that SA may be a symptom of a much larger problem. However I do think people like to give empty compliments just to make me feel better and without understanding how I feel.

n1kkuh · 02-23-2009, 04:06 PM

To me, Low-confidence, Low-selfesteem are all synonymous with Social anxiety, or at least directly correlated to one another. From my personal perspective. Lack of confidence is something we all go through even the most confident appearing people can be nervous inside about meeting someone or doing something.

Not to say that SA is simple, its just that I think the anxiety is just a side effect of other more complicated things, like bottled up emotions, lack of acceptance of oneself, etc....

gozinsky · 02-23-2009, 05:48 PM

Yes all psychological problems are based around self-esteem. If you have good self-esteem, yer not gonna be all nervous and shaky and sketchy etc. cuz it's a deeper kinda thing that's not contingent on events happening in the immediate present. Or you might get anxious for whatever reason, but it's not gonna really bother you too much cuz yer just gonna think about other stuff that you're gonna do for yourself later because that's gonna be your main focus is taking care of what you need or want to do for you and yours and the rest of this crap isn't too important. Lately I've been trying to work on this problem by simply repeating the phrase "I am not a piece of sh1t." in my head over and over. It seems to be helping. I seems to be the answer to every negative thing my brain has to throw at me, no matter how cunning and clever. Or I'll end thoughts with it. Like" Yes, that person looked at me weird and I did act a little strange there and I'm not a piece of sh1t." " Yes I got nervous around that girl and probably looked tense and stand-offish and there's a good chance she thinks something negative about me and I'm not a piece of sh1t." I think most of my problems stem from being raised since birth to believe that I was a piece of sh1t. Just thought I'd share that.

childofsolitude · 02-24-2009, 09:28 AM

Anyone know what former fat girl syndrome is? A fat girl may experience low self esteem and decides to lose weight. The girl loses weight but she still experiences low self esteem. In her head, she's still unattractive.

What I'm saying is that even if you do change and feel good about yourself, the SA isn't going to go away. You have to work on other things aside from your low self esteem. I'll admit that I'm happier when I feel I look good but the SA doesn't go away.

MavenMI6Agent009 · 02-24-2009, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by childofsolitude

What I'm saying is that even if you do change and feel good about yourself, the SA isn't going to go away. You have to work on other things aside from your low self esteem. I'll admit that I'm happier when I feel I look good but the SA doesn't go away.

Yes, I remember being in good shape with very low body fat so looks werent my problems but self esteem was part of the struggle. I can be in very good shape, sprint, lift weights , eat 5-6 small meals a day and yet still have negative thoughts about myself and my body.

Paul · 02-24-2009, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gozinsky

If you have good self-esteem, yer not gonna be all nervous and shaky and sketchy etc.

I'd just like to point out that this is very wrong. Just because I like me doesn't mean other people will like me, nor does it mean I can handle a conversation without humiliation. Self-esteem is a general thing, socializing is a very specific skill set and has to do with how you match up with other people (I'm different, so it's hard to expect anyone to be interested in me, even though I personally like being different), your communications skills (I know my verbal communications skills are awful), and your ability to play all the social games (I can't).

I've never really had any self-esteem issues, I'm more worried about being too arrogant. All the self-esteem in the world isn't going to help me talk to someone, though.

One_UP · 02-24-2009, 01:11 PM

I may be misinterpreting what the thread starter is talking about but I think it is the other way around, at least for me. It's sort of a play on the chicken and the egg. I'm not sure what to make of SA due to the uniqueness of each case. Confidence obviously plays a role but I wouldn't say it's the root cause. Although I had issues with depression for a short time my SA seemed like it just dropped out of the sky one day. My anxiety occurred somewhere in my late teens. Prior to that I was a pretty sociable person. When I started having symptoms of anxiety I was not aware of them but the reactions of people around me made me to realize that they thought I was acting strange. Once I realized what I was doing there was a snow ball effect. It's kinda like a person that isn't aware that they've been hit with an arrow and once they realize the situation they panic. After realizing my initial symptom (uncontrollable smiling when in a quiet social setting) there was a snow ball effect and a few other symptoms followed afterward (sweating, stomach pains ). The reason I avoid people is because I have no control over my symptoms. I think I'm a pretty rational and confident person but over the years my avoidance of social situations has conditioned me to subconsciously think irrational thoughts when placed in those situations.
I'm not sure if I worded this clearly but I'd love some feedback.

lj42 · 02-24-2009, 02:20 PM

Lately I've been trying to work on this problem by simply repeating the phrase "I am not a piece of sh1t." in my head over and over.

It might be better if you focused on a positive statement like: "I'm ok, it's ok" or something like that instead of "i am not a piece of s**t" which has two negative words in it: "s**t" and "not". (based on what i read recently, can't remember from where)

02-23-2009, 02:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
lj42 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 16	Is SA just a symptom? The tought has come to me that most times SA is not really the problem, it is a symptom of a problem, the problem being Diffidence. (Lacking or marked by a lack of self-confidence; shy and timid. -- The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition Copyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company. ) on this forum I’ve seen many posts about how to deal with different social anxiety issues. I think a better approach is to work on self-esteerm. Once you feel good about your self most of the issues that before seemed like such a big problem and required nitpicking solutions falls away.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Withdrawl Symptom?	VetChick	Medication	3	01-22-2008 09:44 PM
Stupid SA symptom	Pinzelhead	Coping With Social Anxiety	2	07-21-2007 10:18 PM
this symptom?	DC	30+ Members	10	03-25-2007 07:13 AM
Symptom?	kwack111	Secondary Disorders	7	02-14-2006 10:59 AM
Worst Symptom?	missnat84	Secondary Disorders	30	11-01-2005 09:02 PM

02-23-2009, 02:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
its_Rob Status: Renewed Hope Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: some where bad Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 354	Yeah,well most of us know that. The problem is trying to get the confidence. Some people are so used to negativity that they don't accept any kind of positivity. For example my gym teacher some times tells me that I'm getting big and muscular and my little sister even said that my muscles are getting big but I don't believe any of it and it really pisses me off when I get those kind of compliments.

02-23-2009, 04:06 PM	#4 (permalink)
n1kkuh Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: LA county Gender: Male Posts: 516	To me, Low-confidence, Low-selfesteem are all synonymous with Social anxiety, or at least directly correlated to one another. From my personal perspective. Lack of confidence is something we all go through even the most confident appearing people can be nervous inside about meeting someone or doing something. Not to say that SA is simple, its just that I think the anxiety is just a side effect of other more complicated things, like bottled up emotions, lack of acceptance of oneself, etc....

02-23-2009, 05:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
gozinsky Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: arizona Gender: Male Age: 35 Posts: 606	Yes all psychological problems are based around self-esteem. If you have good self-esteem, yer not gonna be all nervous and shaky and sketchy etc. cuz it's a deeper kinda thing that's not contingent on events happening in the immediate present. Or you might get anxious for whatever reason, but it's not gonna really bother you too much cuz yer just gonna think about other stuff that you're gonna do for yourself later because that's gonna be your main focus is taking care of what you need or want to do for you and yours and the rest of this crap isn't too important. Lately I've been trying to work on this problem by simply repeating the phrase "I am not a piece of sh1t." in my head over and over. It seems to be helping. I seems to be the answer to every negative thing my brain has to throw at me, no matter how cunning and clever. Or I'll end thoughts with it. Like" Yes, that person looked at me weird and I did act a little strange there and I'm not a piece of sh1t." " Yes I got nervous around that girl and probably looked tense and stand-offish and there's a good chance she thinks something negative about me and I'm not a piece of sh1t." I think most of my problems stem from being raised since birth to believe that I was a piece of sh1t. Just thought I'd share that.

02-24-2009, 09:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
childofsolitude Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 151	Anyone know what former fat girl syndrome is? A fat girl may experience low self esteem and decides to lose weight. The girl loses weight but she still experiences low self esteem. In her head, she's still unattractive. What I'm saying is that even if you do change and feel good about yourself, the SA isn't going to go away. You have to work on other things aside from your low self esteem. I'll admit that I'm happier when I feel I look good but the SA doesn't go away.

02-24-2009, 01:11 PM	#9 (permalink)
One_UP Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 9	I may be misinterpreting what the thread starter is talking about but I think it is the other way around, at least for me. It's sort of a play on the chicken and the egg. I'm not sure what to make of SA due to the uniqueness of each case. Confidence obviously plays a role but I wouldn't say it's the root cause. Although I had issues with depression for a short time my SA seemed like it just dropped out of the sky one day. My anxiety occurred somewhere in my late teens. Prior to that I was a pretty sociable person. When I started having symptoms of anxiety I was not aware of them but the reactions of people around me made me to realize that they thought I was acting strange. Once I realized what I was doing there was a snow ball effect. It's kinda like a person that isn't aware that they've been hit with an arrow and once they realize the situation they panic. After realizing my initial symptom (uncontrollable smiling when in a quiet social setting) there was a snow ball effect and a few other symptoms followed afterward (sweating, stomach pains ). The reason I avoid people is because I have no control over my symptoms. I think I'm a pretty rational and confident person but over the years my avoidance of social situations has conditioned me to subconsciously think irrational thoughts when placed in those situations. I'm not sure if I worded this clearly but I'd love some feedback.

02-24-2009, 02:20 PM	#10 (permalink)
lj42 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 16	Lately I've been trying to work on this problem by simply repeating the phrase "I am not a piece of sh1t." in my head over and over. It might be better if you focused on a positive statement like: "I'm ok, it's ok" or something like that instead of "i am not a piece of st" which has two negative words in it: "st" and "not". (based on what i read recently, can't remember from where)