Social Anxiety Support

Cheerleader · 11-07-2009, 12:29 PM

who don't understand what you're going through and are choosing to ignore your SA.

Even though a few months ago my therapist had a meeting with both my parents and told them that my condition is serious and that they ought to fully understand it, they still DON'T. They act like I'm making it all up.

I'm almost 19, living with them cause I am unemployed and they won't stop telling me to get a job cause "nothing is wrong with me" and "what's the problem to just get a job?!".

I'm so pissed and sad every time that it happens, it just feels like a dead end... why can't they understand?! Why are they ignoring it?! I don't know what to do anymore...

I'm really sorry about possible spelling and grammar mistakes, it's just that I'm really upset while writing it.

millenniumman75 · 11-07-2009, 12:39 PM

I think the predominant issue is that you are feeling overwhelmed and the SA is kicking in about the job. The prospect of working with other people is making yo ufeel uncomfortable so the anxiety comes in and scares you into thinking that you can't do it. You can though. You are probably more competent than people you could be working with anyway.

Prakas · 11-07-2009, 12:45 PM

I unfortunately can't tell you what to do about your parents. I don't want to bring you down, but unless your going to school, you should try to bring yourself to find a job. I know its very difficult because of the economy, but you need to move forward in your life. You never will until you face SA head on. Sometimes you have to take chances.

Sorry, not trying to sound cruel, just my honest opinion.

Cheerleader · 11-07-2009, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prakas

I unfortunately can't tell you what to do about your parents. I don't want to bring you down, but unless your going to school, you should try to bring yourself to find a job. I know its very difficult because of the economy, but you need to move forward in your life. You never will until you face SA head on. Sometimes you have to take chances.

Sorry, not trying to sound cruel, just my honest opinion.

It's not about "cruel", it's just easy to say and very, very very hard to do... and I'm more sad about the fact that my parents don't understand me than the whole job thing.

odd_one_out · 11-07-2009, 02:22 PM

It's common for parents to behave that way or go into denial. Instead of facing the problems and working through them, it is easier for them to attribute them to character flaws etc. This may be because they are worried/scared, misinformed about mental conditions, feel a sense of guilt, or have ingrained values and cannot consider alternatives to the causes of someone's behaviour (i.e., that it is not deliberate but the result of a psych condition).

polythene · 11-07-2009, 03:47 PM

You're not the only one. It's hard to understand something like depression and anxiety when you haven't been through it before, and I'm sure your parents have overcome highly depressing/anxiety-provoking situations and don't see why you can't do the same. It's how my parents respond when I try to discuss my issues with them - they've been through far, far worse than I've experienced, so it's difficult for them to see why I can't buck up like them and everyone else. Something more visibly debilitating would get attention, but anxiety and depression just seem like an extension of 'normal' human emotions.

Personally, I don't know what advice to give you. I've tried explaining myself to my family for years and years, and acted out dramatically (though I won't say how) to get them to understand. And guess what? It didn't work. I don't really blame them anymore, because I know it's a hard thing to empathize with.

Perhaps your best bet is just to work closely with your therapist, or to strike a compromise with your folks so that you can get professional help. Are you going to school? If not, is that why they're pressuring you to be employed? I was unemployed for years while I attended college, and ended up job-searching at a time where my anxiety was the worst it's ever been in my life. The interviews were extremely difficult, but they got easier as I kept at them. I ended up somehow landing a job and it put my anxiety through the roof.

I kept at it for months and months, and at about half a year or more I noticed that my anxiety had diminished considerably. I think getting a job was more helpful than any of the meds I've tried, or therapy, or trying to 'push' myself to make friends - you're getting paid, so you either perform (by talking to customers) or get terminated. I realize this isn't the greatest option for everyone, but you may realize that a job is more helpful than letting your anxiety get the best of you.

If you can, you should at least demonstrate to your parents that while it's hard for you, you're going to put in an effort. Couldn't you submit some job apps or something?

justiss282 · 11-07-2009, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheerleader

who don't understand what you're going through and are choosing to ignore your SA.

Even though a few months ago my therapist had a meeting with both my parents and told them that my condition is serious and that they ought to fully understand it, they still DON'T. They act like I'm making it all up.

I'm almost 19, living with them cause I am unemployed and they won't stop telling me to get a job cause "nothing is wrong with me" and "what's the problem to just get a job?!".

I'm so pissed and sad every time that it happens, it just feels like a dead end... why can't they understand?! Why are they ignoring it?! I don't know what to do anymore...

I'm really sorry about possible spelling and grammar mistakes, it's just that I'm really upset while writing it.

My parents were basically the same way my whole life. Most parents go into denial because they don't want to think anything's wrong with one of their children, so they say things like "you're fine", or "just get over it", etc., but what they don't know is in the long run this can just make it worse. The only advice I can give is to just try your best to save up and maybe get your own place, and if your parents continue to be this way at least you'll be on your own. I know it's easier said than done, but the only time I ever really got along with my parents was when I wasn't living with them.

11-07-2009, 12:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
Cheerleader Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 9	I'm so mad I want to explode. PLEASE tell me what to do about parents who don't understand what you're going through and are choosing to ignore your SA. Even though a few months ago my therapist had a meeting with both my parents and told them that my condition is serious and that they ought to fully understand it, they still DON'T. They act like I'm making it all up. I'm almost 19, living with them cause I am unemployed and they won't stop telling me to get a job cause "nothing is wrong with me" and "what's the problem to just get a job?!". I'm so pissed and sad every time that it happens, it just feels like a dead end... why can't they understand?! Why are they ignoring it?! I don't know what to do anymore... I'm really sorry about possible spelling and grammar mistakes, it's just that I'm really upset while writing it.

11-07-2009, 12:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,682	I think the predominant issue is that you are feeling overwhelmed and the SA is kicking in about the job. The prospect of working with other people is making yo ufeel uncomfortable so the anxiety comes in and scares you into thinking that you can't do it. You can though. You are probably more competent than people you could be working with anyway. __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

11-07-2009, 12:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
Prakas Status: Failure - Life Sucks Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Delaware Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 434	I unfortunately can't tell you what to do about your parents. I don't want to bring you down, but unless your going to school, you should try to bring yourself to find a job. I know its very difficult because of the economy, but you need to move forward in your life. You never will until you face SA head on. Sometimes you have to take chances. Sorry, not trying to sound cruel, just my honest opinion. __________________ If life is so hard, then death must be easy. Creed-Six Feet From the Edge I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking... Maybe six feet ain't so far down...

11-07-2009, 02:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
odd_one_out Status: Active-but-odd Join Date: Aug 2006 Age: 32 Posts: 1,215	It's common for parents to behave that way or go into denial. Instead of facing the problems and working through them, it is easier for them to attribute them to character flaws etc. This may be because they are worried/scared, misinformed about mental conditions, feel a sense of guilt, or have ingrained values and cannot consider alternatives to the causes of someone's behaviour (i.e., that it is not deliberate but the result of a psych condition).

11-07-2009, 03:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
polythene Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 225	You're not the only one. It's hard to understand something like depression and anxiety when you haven't been through it before, and I'm sure your parents have overcome highly depressing/anxiety-provoking situations and don't see why you can't do the same. It's how my parents respond when I try to discuss my issues with them - they've been through far, far worse than I've experienced, so it's difficult for them to see why I can't buck up like them and everyone else. Something more visibly debilitating would get attention, but anxiety and depression just seem like an extension of 'normal' human emotions. Personally, I don't know what advice to give you. I've tried explaining myself to my family for years and years, and acted out dramatically (though I won't say how) to get them to understand. And guess what? It didn't work. I don't really blame them anymore, because I know it's a hard thing to empathize with. Perhaps your best bet is just to work closely with your therapist, or to strike a compromise with your folks so that you can get professional help. Are you going to school? If not, is that why they're pressuring you to be employed? I was unemployed for years while I attended college, and ended up job-searching at a time where my anxiety was the worst it's ever been in my life. The interviews were extremely difficult, but they got easier as I kept at them. I ended up somehow landing a job and it put my anxiety through the roof. I kept at it for months and months, and at about half a year or more I noticed that my anxiety had diminished considerably. I think getting a job was more helpful than any of the meds I've tried, or therapy, or trying to 'push' myself to make friends - you're getting paid, so you either perform (by talking to customers) or get terminated. I realize this isn't the greatest option for everyone, but you may realize that a job is more helpful than letting your anxiety get the best of you. If you can, you should at least demonstrate to your parents that while it's hard for you, you're going to put in an effort. Couldn't you submit some job apps or something?