Social Anxiety Support

smelly · 11-07-2009, 02:22 AM

I know that my entire life I have been very shy, but I used to be able to somewhat overcome this shyness. I was able to make friends and be outgoing with the people I felt the most comfortable with. It was still hard for me to be myself in situations such as a classroom or even feel comfortable walking down a hall with a numerous amount of people.
My shyness bothered me, however I did not occupy my thoughts with it most of the time and I was completely happy.
Then about 2 years ago I became depressed because of a boy (I never thought I was the type of girl that this could happen to, but it definitely did). We had broken up but still carried on like we were together. Unfortunately he had another girl on the side that he consistently lied to me about. My self esteemed plummeted, along with an ongoing jealousy of this girl who I constantly compared myself to. I went through (or better said ..put myself through) the whole shabang of what I saw as depression. I lost weight and I constantly felt down and it was like a constant headache of emotion in my brain. Man it sure sucked some major balls, and I put myself through hell because of it. (Everyday I would think about how I even hated myself for being sad about a boy I was attached to..like common, get a real problem).

Anyways after all of that happened, I started to get anxiety about how I wasn't good enough..and how this other girl was way better than I was. Anyone I would hang out with that was friends with her, which seemed to be everyone, I felt was comparing me to her. Making me extremely nervous and act completely out of character. I understood that this was ridiculous, but it's hard to make yourself feel what you believe.. As many of you may know already.

Things sort of blew over after a while, but my anxiety stayed with me. Even if I wasn't comparing myself to this girl(even though sometimes I still did..and do now) I had significantly lowered my self esteem. I also based my self esteem on how much this boy, that caused all the drama, felt about me. If he was on good terms with me, I was on good terms with myself.
So now, that boy and I are back together. It's been almost a year and things have been going pretty well, besides things from the past coming up and my current state of sadness and not feeling like myself. Basically whenever anything is bad in our relationship now it's because of me. But anyways, because I am still with him, I still carry that low self esteem and anxiety that happened in our past.

So this summer we were hanging out with his friends and I knew they were all friends with the other girl he had hooked up with in the past. I couldn't stand it and I don't know what it would exactly be called (panic attack?) but I felt major anxiety. Mainly in my chest. But it was like I couldn't speak if I wanted to, moving was a foreign task, everything went numb. It was a horrible couple of hours, especially cause we smoked some weed which I think made it so much worse. As soon as we walked away from his friends and the situation..my mood did a complete 180 and I felt like I could breathe again.

Since I've come back to college and after that weird anxiety experience it's been hard for me to interact with my friends, even the ones I have always been close to. I'd rather lock myself in a room and not go out at all. However I am in a sorority and there are things I am obligated to attend. It forces me to go out of my comfort zone and sometimes I feel relatively normal with my friends. I feel myself and happy, even though I know it will be short lived. Other times it's like omg I can't do this I need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. I don't understand how it can come and go like that. When it is really bad, I think I have SA to the fullest. But sometimes, especially after some drinks, I can actually feel myself for a little.
Also I still get the everyday anxiety of being in crowds and walking to class and dreading seeing people I know. My boyfriend and I were walking the other day and while he was talking I apparently didn't look at him once and seemed really out of it. He thought I was being arrogant and full of myself, and told me how annoyed he felt at me. The truth was I was feeling so self conscience, how can I be mispercieved so badly? Even by my own boo?
But anyways, what do you think? Do I have anxiety or is it situational or what is going on with me!

11-07-2009, 02:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
smelly Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 8	I'm not sure if i have SA..this is super long fyi I know that my entire life I have been very shy, but I used to be able to somewhat overcome this shyness. I was able to make friends and be outgoing with the people I felt the most comfortable with. It was still hard for me to be myself in situations such as a classroom or even feel comfortable walking down a hall with a numerous amount of people. My shyness bothered me, however I did not occupy my thoughts with it most of the time and I was completely happy. Then about 2 years ago I became depressed because of a boy (I never thought I was the type of girl that this could happen to, but it definitely did). We had broken up but still carried on like we were together. Unfortunately he had another girl on the side that he consistently lied to me about. My self esteemed plummeted, along with an ongoing jealousy of this girl who I constantly compared myself to. I went through (or better said ..put myself through) the whole shabang of what I saw as depression. I lost weight and I constantly felt down and it was like a constant headache of emotion in my brain. Man it sure sucked some major balls, and I put myself through hell because of it. (Everyday I would think about how I even hated myself for being sad about a boy I was attached to..like common, get a real problem). Anyways after all of that happened, I started to get anxiety about how I wasn't good enough..and how this other girl was way better than I was. Anyone I would hang out with that was friends with her, which seemed to be everyone, I felt was comparing me to her. Making me extremely nervous and act completely out of character. I understood that this was ridiculous, but it's hard to make yourself feel what you believe.. As many of you may know already. Things sort of blew over after a while, but my anxiety stayed with me. Even if I wasn't comparing myself to this girl(even though sometimes I still did..and do now) I had significantly lowered my self esteem. I also based my self esteem on how much this boy, that caused all the drama, felt about me. If he was on good terms with me, I was on good terms with myself. So now, that boy and I are back together. It's been almost a year and things have been going pretty well, besides things from the past coming up and my current state of sadness and not feeling like myself. Basically whenever anything is bad in our relationship now it's because of me. But anyways, because I am still with him, I still carry that low self esteem and anxiety that happened in our past. So this summer we were hanging out with his friends and I knew they were all friends with the other girl he had hooked up with in the past. I couldn't stand it and I don't know what it would exactly be called (panic attack?) but I felt major anxiety. Mainly in my chest. But it was like I couldn't speak if I wanted to, moving was a foreign task, everything went numb. It was a horrible couple of hours, especially cause we smoked some weed which I think made it so much worse. As soon as we walked away from his friends and the situation..my mood did a complete 180 and I felt like I could breathe again. Since I've come back to college and after that weird anxiety experience it's been hard for me to interact with my friends, even the ones I have always been close to. I'd rather lock myself in a room and not go out at all. However I am in a sorority and there are things I am obligated to attend. It forces me to go out of my comfort zone and sometimes I feel relatively normal with my friends. I feel myself and happy, even though I know it will be short lived. Other times it's like omg I can't do this I need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. I don't understand how it can come and go like that. When it is really bad, I think I have SA to the fullest. But sometimes, especially after some drinks, I can actually feel myself for a little. Also I still get the everyday anxiety of being in crowds and walking to class and dreading seeing people I know. My boyfriend and I were walking the other day and while he was talking I apparently didn't look at him once and seemed really out of it. He thought I was being arrogant and full of myself, and told me how annoyed he felt at me. The truth was I was feeling so self conscience, how can I be mispercieved so badly? Even by my own boo? But anyways, what do you think? Do I have anxiety or is it situational or what is going on with me!