Originally Posted by dutchguy
Ashamed of my life, or better said lack of life.
I don't know why I tell you this, but feel its getting harder and harder to overcome this SA thing. The older I get the more serious questions I get why I don't move on with life. It hurts.
I feel the same way. When I was younger, social anxiety wasn't as big of a problem though it negatively affected every aspect of my life. Sure, I didn't have friends and avoided socializing...but now as an adult I still have social anxiety and on top of that bills, no real hope for a job, and acute awareness that time is going by and I'm doing nothing. Part of the reason why I went to college was to buy myself time, so to speak; I wanted to delay entering the "real world" where I'd have to get a job and work with people. I always thought, I'll get over this before I graduate. Well, college came and went. And my social anxiety is...the same.
I have no friends, I don't go out, and I don't have a job. I am dependent on my parents for many things; they are pretty much my sole source of socialization, they help out financially, etc. When I was in my early twenties and in college, I didn't feel so bad about not having a job and not being independent...it's totally acceptable for a college student to be unemployed and financially dependent on their parents. But I'm 25 now...most people my age are in grad school or have careers. I feel ashamed that I don't have a job, and instead of shame prompting me to secure employment, it just makes me want to hide under the covers and sleep all day. I'm so used to living with my parents and they haven't really pressured me to get a job or anything, so I never felt like I needed to change. I intended on getting around to it someday, to be sure, but when you're being supported by others and it seems like everyone's okay with that arrangement, there's no urgent need to change.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my social anxiety...turning 25 was a big turning point. A quarter of a century: that's a huge milestone. Now, I feel ashamed when I wake up past noon and stay in my pajamas all day. I feel guilty when I'm out in the livingroom watching tv with my parents...I feel like I should be out working, not lying on the couch. I wish I was working...not just for the money (though I need that), but also for the sense of accomplishment that comes from having a job and being productive. From past experience, I have come to realize that things don't change unless you take steps toward making that change. Sounds too obvious, I know, but for years I kind of believed that this social anxiety would go away on its own with no intervention. Reality hit me on the head recently and I started thinking objectively about my life. Right now, I'm trying to get myself to a state, emotionally speaking, to seek help. I can't sustain this dependent way of life forever, and I know therapy is going to be really hard...but I have to change. I don't want to be in the same situation five years from now, reiterating everything in a post on this forum.