This has been bothering me for a while. I do not suffer from any sort of social anxiety.... except when it comes to romantic situations.
Every single time in my life (I am 16, almost 17 BTW) I have rejected any
sort of romantic developments with boys, whatsoever. Whenever someone shows any sort of interest in me, I start to get REALLY REALLY anxious and uncomfortable and begin avoiding them at all costs. My stomach drops and after the situation, I am preoccupied by it for the next few days. I just feel sick and terrible, consumed with this awful feeling. The odd thing is, i still get crushes on guys. But the MOMENT I get even a hint that they might like me back as more than a friend, the awful uncomfortable feelings set in and I push them away. I don't know why.
The major time I realised this was last year, when I had this big crush on one of my good friends. We got along REALLY well and even my friends who didnt know I liked him would randomly tell me we would make a good couple. I just really really liked him. But as soon as he started flirting, the anxiety set in HARD. Suddenly I was extremely uncomfortable around him and would get upset and anxious just thinking about having to be around him. It consumed my life for a while, and I felt terrible all the time because I couldnt get it out of my head. I said some awful things to "turn him off", and we haven't been friends since. And the WORST part is, there were moments in the next few months when I still felt I really liked him.
This is not an iscolated incident, It has happened in other situations to other guys, but I don't want this post to be overly long with examples.
I am now so familiar with this feeling that I know I will never be able to find love because there is a part of me that just cannot deal with that. I have never even been kissed. Its not me being afraid of guys, It is the actual romantic situations I am afraid of. And it doenst feel like I just need to wait for the "right guy", either, because it is my own anxieties that is the problem, not the boys personally.
I just don't know what to do and I would like to talk with other people who have the same sort of problem or who have some advice. I am sick of feeling terrible, pathetic, and unworthy of any sort of love.