I don't know exactly how to word it.. I think people think I believe myself to be better than them or that I can't be bothered or something.
There is a woman in my town whom I see every day when picking up the kids at school.. she has 2 kids around my kids' ages, in the same grades, she's a member of the PTA, she volunteers for all kinds of different things, etc.
Anyway, for the last 5-6 years now she will ask me if I want to help out at the community garden or help out with the art show, etc. etc. and sometimes I just say no, I can't, I have other plans that day, etc. but sometimes I think "This will be good to get involved in." Either because I like the cause, or I think it would be engaging and beneficial for the kids or for whatever reason. But then as the date gets closer, I freak out more and more and I just end up not going or I e-mail her the day OF or the day before and tell her I can't make it.
I know she thinks I'm a flake, at best. That I keep saying I'll do these things (with the best of intentions!) and then I just don't.
Have you guys experienced this?
Lately, I've just been saying NO more often, but it's hard for me. Like, tomorrow I'm supposed to be helping to set up the art show at my daughter's elementary school, and in theory I think it's awesome. I love art, I love it when kids can express themselves through art, I love opening it up for the community to see, I want to support my kids, and on and on and on.
BUT.. there are going to be other moms there ("normal" moms) and I have two very conflicting fears. The first fear is that no one will talk to me, everyone will ignore me, because I seem so "distant" and don't invite conversation. My other fear is that they WILL talk to me, because then I won't know what to say, I'll end up saying something stupid, or I'll just panic.
I'm afraid of not doing something right, of messing something up, of attention being brought upon me for any reason..
I already feel like I am going to just not go.