I need some help

[Insane1]

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[Hopeful25]

I'm very similar. I'm a sensitive nice guy and people don't expect me to be like this. When it comes to making friends, I'd say you just gotta have more confidence in who you are and stop trying to live up to other people's expectations. If they don't like you cause you're sensitive, **** them lol. Unless you know how to control your sensitivity (which I don't) you're gonna have to live with it. Now the crying thing I would say you probably have to get more used to disappointment, like I'm so used to it now it doesn't really effect me that much anymore. And don't always expect things to go your way, it's not going to so...... basically, **** happens, and you gotta get over it . But when it comes to making friends I would say just get more comfortable with being who you are, trust me people are attracted to other people who are confident in who they are .

When it comes to getting a girlfriend, unfortunately I'm in the same boat as you . Women don't find sensitivity and shyness attractive, simple as that. I would say try not showing your sensitive side to a girl until you're already in a relationship lol. It's sad but based on my experiences, it's the best advice I can give you right now. Good luck.

Also, the sense of humor thing shouldn't really be an issue. I don't think there should be any kind of social expectation for you to be funny. Now, you shouldn't be serious all the time either, smiling and laughing every now and then is good. But you shouldn't have to be George Lopez to make friends lol. I think that maybe cause you're in high school and teenagers get bored with people really quickly you feel like you have to be funny to keep their attention . And I felt the same way for a while, but you really don't have to be that funny, just be yourself. I think the more comfortable you get with who you are, the easier it'll be to crack a joke every now and then around other people

[Insane1]

Yeah not George Lopez,but while I'm relaxed with the people I feel comfortable I am myself,I make some jokes,I make people laugh,it's all good. But when I'm with new people,I'm all quiet cause I dunno what to say..
I need to be more impulsive and confident,but it's so damn hard...

Anyway thanks for replying man Damn,from 81 people that viewed this thread only you replyed xD

[burn the witch]

I hate this idea that men are supposed to be 'tough', and that them crying or showing emotion is 'weak'. It's not. You're human. All humans have emotions, and some people are more emotional that others. It has nothing to do with gender. Please don't beat yourself up for that. Also, based on your profile picture, you're very attractive. Not all women like men who are confident and outgoing. Personally, I think shy guys are cute and way more desirable. Men that are too confident tend to be self absorbed and care little about other's feelings. It's late and i'm tired, or else i'd ramble on a little more. Good luck!

[VanDamMan]

You're a normal guy in highschool with SA.

Honestly, the only way to get over it is to push yourself little by little. Start saying hi to people. Put yourself out there a bit. Its tough at first but it does get easier. When you start feeling more confident, you get more self-esteem and then you stop taking crap from people.

[antireconciler]

I would basically echo Hopeful: you can't beat yourself up for the ways you're different. Be slow to judge, least you throw away something that really is a good thing. It is not so bad after all to feel sensitive to what other people say. It means you have some insight into how things affect you, which empowers you to do something about it. If you want advice, give up, as a mental experiment, on trying to show anyone you are a worthwhile human being, but try to uncover, as much and as often as you can, a science of you, as though you were a scientist who loved to tinker. Find out everything you can about what it is like to be you, not demanding it be anything in particular except what it is. If it breaks the rules, say it is not that it is wrong, but that you've gotten the rules wrong. It is exciting too if this happens because it means discovery. And in time, I find that getting the rules right becomes less important, but it is enough just to see; less important to understand, and enough just to be familiar and at home with. That is how it seems to me.

I don't have a girlfriend either, but I'm under the impression that things will be better for me the less I worry about "getting" all the things a girlfriend is like a code word for me, such as love, acceptance, and so on, and the more I feel I have these things to share and give. I can't argue that this is true, but I have found that believing in it helps me feel less that I am lacking because of external circumstances, and more that I have power within to be happy, and so I am made more so.

[Insane1]

Thank you all. Reading what you all said really helps me.

[Insane1]

Come on,I need more opinions,I'm desperate
(Also I've got a new haircut and it looks like **** on me ) xD

[rickey]

is there a guidance (personal) counselor in your school? There should be and you should go talk to that person. I dont know how many people you talk to in real life about these issues, but if it's not many or none at all you should consider talking to your counselor. I wish I had done that when I was still in high school. I could've used the help, especially during a time when it so easy for people like us to feel depressed. It's such a lonely place to be and I feel mad at myself now for not getting the help I needed.

Right now Im sure everything you're feeling plus school work feels like a lot to handle. But if you just take one thing a time and not try to tackle all your problems at once, life will start to feel more manageable. Making new friends will take time. Developing self-confidence, and ultimately opening up your personality which might lead to a girlfriend will take time. I know that you want all these things now and to stop feeling so sad and anxious, but you need to accept there isnt one quick solution that will help you feel better. At least I've never heard of one. And y'know for the people in the 'normal' crowd, they have issues too and they get sad or angry from it. It's just some are better at hiding it than others. Maybe you are as sensitive as you say you are cause that's part of you. Some guys are like that. You cant just force yourself to be like everyone else, cause then it's like youre being this actor and you have to try and play this role forever. If you think it's such a problem however, then perhaps you should talk about that with the counselor.

I finally made myself go to personal counseling in college and Im glad I made that decision. I was carrying lots of emotional baggage in the past. Now I'm in group therapy, trying to desensitize myself to group settings so I can talk up and not feel so anxious about it. It still gonna take a while for me to feel better, but I think the therapy helps as you commit more to it. And....thats the end of my advice novel lol

[Hopeful25]

Originally Posted by Insane1

Yeah not George Lopez,but while I'm relaxed with the people I feel comfortable I am myself,I make some jokes,I make people laugh,it's all good. But when I'm with new people,I'm all quiet cause I dunno what to say..
I need to be more impulsive and confident,but it's so damn hard...

Anyway thanks for replying man Damn,from 81 people that viewed this thread only you replyed xD

No problem. And don't worry about it, I get threads like that a lot too , and by the looks of it people are starting to reply with some good advice .

And yeah I'm like that too. I think it helps if you just let your mind roam and think about things other than looking good in front of this person. Then when you talk to them the natural you comes out instead of this nervous quiet guy that's worried about what other people think. Now when I talk to people I just be honest and give my honest opinion on whatever I'm talking about, I don't even think about "what is this person thinking about me". If you do that the more natural you should come out

[Ew to Pretzels]

I'm sure you're not the only quiet one is class, next time look around and you'll probably see someone that maybe as shy as you. As for blushing in class, I've seen lots of people get nervous when asked a question or told to read aloud. I've seen people drop their classes due to it and it makes me sad that it ends up affecting them that much. You'll come across it and you'll realize that it happens to other people more often than you think.

What's that one quote? It goes something like this, "those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." So if someone can't get past your kindness, it's their loss.

With the whole girl issue, one will definitely fail if one does not try. Be proud of yourself with every attempt you make. Sometimes you'll succeed, sometimes you won't. What takes a lot of strength is to shake it off and try again. It's hard but you'll get there. It takes time... and girls have cooties anyway right? Don't worry too much about getting a girlfriend, worry about yourself and your future because you are the one that should matter most in YOUR life. That's a very attractive trait in a guy, when he has goals and aspirations and is working towards them, everything will fall into place afterwards.

[Insane1]

Thank you all for replying here.

I just wish I was as confident and relaxed as I am when I'm drunk.

[Insane1]

C'mon.. :<

[Insane1]

Nobody else ? :<

[KelsKels]

I was exactly like that in highschool! I only had 2 friends who I really talked to, and other than that I just sat in my desk and never made a sound. It was a really difficult time.. especially because I constantly felt judged and like I wasnt as good as my classmates because I couldnt keep a conversation.

As for being sensitive, you shouldnt be so hard on yourself! Guys dont have to be tough, and most girls understand that. If anything, I wish my boyfriend would actually show his emotions to me instead of constantly acting tough. I can also really identify with you for blushing, everyone can read me like a book! My face turns bright red whenever I get even slightly embarassed or dont know what to say. It sucks, I know!

I just hope you know that your not alone! Everything you posted I completely understand, and I think most of the people on this site do too.
As for finding a girl, try not to stress over it. Your still young and have LOTS of time to find the perfect person. It may suck being single now, but you have a long future ahead of you. The only advice I can give is to take chances. I wish you the best of luck, and please dont be so hard on yourself. Your a wonderful person

[ChiefHuggingBear]

Your still young brah, but try nipping your SA in the butt now, while your still young.

My advice to you is get in the gym, get some inexpensive protein/creatine and start pumping iron. By the time your in your early 20's you'll be jacked and won't even need to try, to get girls. It has been proven that Weight lifting/Exercising will decrease stress/anxiety levels, chicks also dig muscles.

What do you have to lose?

[GameGuy]

I get the impression that you only feel uncomfortable if you believe you are, or can, be seen and/or watched. Like, if you feel someone’s eye staring a hole through you, you feel uncomfortable. I think also you have plenty of confidence, because, well, look at your posts. I see a lot of confidence here. I read you posts and it feels like you posted exactly what you wanted to say. That's confidence my friend. But you know what, only you can make yourself uncomfortable. It is the easiest thing in the world to point your finger in the other direction. But look at your thoughts. You believe people will think or react in a certain way when you try mingling. (P.S. If you want some funny jokes, ask me. I have a few up my sleeve .) And actually, there is nothing wrong with being sensitive. Girls like that actually. Today's world is actually really messed up. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the most common thoughts reflect on sex, money, and drugs.
I think you should start thinking about how your thoughts are making you uncomfortable, instead of thinking how someone else's thoughts can may you feel uncomfortable.

(P.S. Heres a funny joke for you

Mary Who?

One morning, a man is sitting in his recliner, reading his morning paper, just minding his own business, when all of a sudden his wife walks up behind and hits him over the head with a frying pan. “OUCH! Why’d you hit me?” he asked. “I was just doing the laundry,” his wife said, “and I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name ‘Mary Lou’ on it. WHO IS MARY LOU?!” “Honey calm down,” the man said. “Mary Lou is the name of a race horse I bet on yesterday down at the racetrack. At hearing this, his wife feels bad and says, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” The next morning, the man is again following his morning procedures when his wife walks up behind him again with a larger frying pan than before and bashes him in the head with all her might, knocking him out. When he comes to, he looked at her and asked, “Why’d you hit me again?” His wife looked at him and replied, “Your Horse Called.”

[Insane1]

KelsKels- Well,life is hard.. I can't go around with this soft-boy attitude,they gonna eat me alive. And if somebody ever hears I felt like crying after a girl they'll think I'm weak. Also about emotions,even tho I'm sensible,I'm scared to show my emotions xD Thank you for replying.
ChiefHuggingBear- Haha,that's good to hear cause I've been training and taking proteins for like 4 months,now I started again. I have 2 x 10kg dumbbells. The only problem is I'm an hardgainer ectomorph,so It's kinda hard for me to put on muscle. I used to eat 6-5 times a day,and I kinda ****ed up my liver,now I feel like puking when I brush my teeth,when I eat,etc. Since school started I don't have time to eat as much as I used to.. but well,I hope I'll still put on some muscles. Thanks for replying.
GameGuy- First of all,I laughed my *** off at that joke. xDD About my confidence,I'm really confident over the internet but not so confident IRL.. About funny jokes,it's not that I don't have a sense of humour,I do have sense of humour but it fades away when my anxiety kicks in,so I'm only funny when I'm in my comfort zone. When I'm with new people I feel anxious and my brain freezes,I become too quiet.
There is a problem with me being sensitive,everything affects me alot...
Thanks for replying.