i have a serial killer appearance. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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i have a serial killer appearance.

i'm usually very angry inside and i think this projects to the outer surface. just to be clear, i'm not violent. I've never hit anyone except this guy in grade 9 that was being a bully. All day everyday I have angry feelings, and I don't smile very much.

if the average person smills 10 times a day, I might smile once. maybe. and so smiling is very unnatural to me and even in photos I just can't smile.

I think the smile is like a muscle. the more you use it, the more prominent it becomes so that your face is graced with a very subtle smile all the time and you look friendlier. But when you never smile your face takes on a very nasty and angry look.

Unfortunately that's the look that I have. I look so angry all the time I think people are scared of me and avoid me. This has caused me to look anxious everytime I have to interact with someone because I'm afraid that I must be such a loser because it's projected through my appearance.

Does anyone have advice for a person like me? Please don't say something like 'be happier' or smile more. If it were that simple I would have done it a long time ago. Any other way??
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post #2 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 03:45 PM
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Umm is there anything (memories, imagery) that do make you happy? Maybe visualize these things before you go outside to put you in a better mood? Any music that makes you happy?
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post #3 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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well, that's the thing. I don't have very many happy memories. That's why I'm usually very angry. Not sad, but angry.

There are things that I like to do, but they are so few that it doesn't help much. I like playing with my nephews, those memories don't help for long.
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post #4 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 04:01 PM
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Yeah I get where your coming from, I hate smile too. and I hate it when people say that I look angry. but I think it has alot to do with mind over matter.. maybe think about the things that do make you happy like your little brother/sister that smiles alot, your favorite color/band, or like your favorite funny movie..
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post #5 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 04:03 PM
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It's not quite so simple to feel better. I mean everyone has their own path to take and find their own way, in the end, you have to fight, you have to persist, you have to realize, then you have to change.

I am someone whos usually a lucky go-happy guy in my better days. But in the past year, I been feeling intense anger. So intense that the longer I suppress it, the more I had dark thoughts, they'll all come and release in one explosive incident, then start all over again. But for the longest period of time until recently, I had thoughts of wanting to wreck havoc on the world. After all, the truth is you want someone to connect to, you want some purpose in your life, but you are all confused on how to achieve it and you don't know how. The anger, it's partly frustration because you don't know how to handle all this emotion inside you.

I'm sure you are scaring people, just like I have. I knew I was scaring people, when you are angry, people can see it in your gaze. You have to find a way to let it out. Find something that you enjoy doing and you get great pleasure out of, that you have to work hard to earn, but start with someone that can be easily achievable so you can develop confidence. It'll give you a sense of accomplishment and you'll start to feel better about yourself.

Also you have to laugh man. Start by watching some youtube videos, just explore who you are. Start defeating the negative thought patterns you have inside of you. It's an on-going battle that is not fought in conventional ways. This isn't a fight of fire, it's a fight of becoming calm and tranquil inside.

Think of anger as mud. For example, let's say you got so angry you just yelled at your mom unnecessarily for whatever reason, but you just covered yourself with mud, you cover up that light inside you that shines for everyone to see. You keep doing it and the layers of mud become bigger and bigger. In order to control anger, you have to start cleaning the layers of mud off you and it's a long process. But if you want it, you'll find a way.

Good luck brother.

From the land of the midnight sun
where ice blue roses grow
'long those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moanin low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul
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post #6 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 04:59 PM
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do what I do laugh at yourself for being so damned angry all the time because you have no reason to be. well unless of course you actually have something to be angry about then be as angry as you damn well please
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post #7 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 05:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Brightpaperwarewolf View Post
After all, the truth is you want someone to connect to
This is why I am glad that I have my friend Dave who without fail always teases me about looking like a serial killer whenever I'm stuck in one of my smash the world moments. Best help I've ever had with this problem.
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post #8 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 06:05 PM
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Unfortunately that's the look that I have. I look so angry all the time I think people are scared of me and avoid me. This has caused me to look anxious everytime I have to interact with someone because I'm afraid that I must be such a loser because it's projected through my appearance.
lol this has been going on with me for years. You feel as though you look threatening to others, and so you think they won't talk to you, or think you're some sort of freak.

Been there, done that.

One time I was on the train, and I was getting off, and I could've sworn a woman said "that kid looks like a serial killer" >.> Maybe because I was wearing blakc pants and black coat.

Try to fake smile lol. Stupid, but it's slowly starting to work for me. I find myself smiling slightly at people, although sometimes it backfires, as I think I look awkward. Still better than a serial killer stare right?
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post #9 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 06:29 PM
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I wouldn't mind looking like Ted Bundy. If I were a man, I mean. Well, even as a woman. He would have been a gorgeous woman. Or transvestite, if he was into transvestism. (I probably should have kept this to myself.) In any event, I don't smile; I hate smiling, and that makes people uneasy.
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post #10 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 06:39 PM
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i've been told that i look like the type who would go crazy one day and kill everyone..

which is weird actually. i'm just a petite 5'2" girl with a quiet voice.


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post #11 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 07:17 PM Thread Starter
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lol this has been going on with me for years. You feel as though you look threatening to others, and so you think they won't talk to you, or think you're some sort of freak.

Been there, done that.

One time I was on the train, and I was getting off, and I could've sworn a woman said "that kid looks like a serial killer" >.> Maybe because I was wearing blakc pants and black coat.

Try to fake smile lol. Stupid, but it's slowly starting to work for me. I find myself smiling slightly at people, although sometimes it backfires, as I think I look awkward. Still better than a serial killer stare right?
I've tried faking a smile. know what I look like? A serial killer trying to fake a smile.
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post #12 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 07:23 PM
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I've tried faking a smile. know what I look like? A serial killer trying to fake a smile.
dont worry shy, ive also been told that i have a serious look. for example, i get many comments like "don't look so serious" etc. i can't help it, i do try to smile more now though and i think it helps a bit. All you can do is try! !
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post #13 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 08:07 PM
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I'm never angry but I looked it, or at least vaguely threatening all of high school (little kids literally ran out of my way, more than a few times, and I'm not very big or anything) and some of college, but I worked on it and I don't think I do it anymore. I try to smile as much as possible or at least not grimace. Not full-toothed smiles or anything big, just slightly upturned lips. I always had bad teeth so never really smiled my whole life. I just got my top braces off the other day and have been trying to really smile but it makes me look crazy.


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post #14 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 08:59 PM
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ahh I can really relate .. mother's pull their kids away from me even when I dress normal and everything .. the only time I would smile was when someone cracked joke like I'm going to come in one day and shoot up the place and then I would show a very uncomfortable smile.. faking is not a bad tactic even when you don't feel like it .. gives you chance to see result of smiling, which can give you motive for it when it doesn't come naturally .. problems can occur if it looks forced or unnatural though .. but if you know you're smiling for a good reason I think it'll come to be a non-awkward smile
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post #15 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 09:20 PM
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I usually cover up ALL my behavior problems with sarcasm and acting completely awkward around people. Just makes it easier on them to come to the conclusion that something is wrong with me, they will just never know it's SA.
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post #16 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 09:48 PM
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i'm usually very angry inside and i think this projects to the outer surface. just to be clear, i'm not violent. I've never hit anyone except this guy in grade 9 that was being a bully. All day everyday I have angry feelings, and I don't smile very much.

if the average person smills 10 times a day, I might smile once. maybe. and so smiling is very unnatural to me and even in photos I just can't smile.

I think the smile is like a muscle. the more you use it, the more prominent it becomes so that your face is graced with a very subtle smile all the time and you look friendlier. But when you never smile your face takes on a very nasty and angry look.

Unfortunately that's the look that I have. I look so angry all the time I think people are scared of me and avoid me. This has caused me to look anxious everytime I have to interact with someone because I'm afraid that I must be such a loser because it's projected through my appearance.

Does anyone have advice for a person like me? Please don't say something like 'be happier' or smile more. If it were that simple I would have done it a long time ago. Any other way??
I've suffered from paranoia since I can remember and have a paranoid looking face.. I don't think you can hide it.
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post #17 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 09:54 PM
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Just addressing the thread title... wear Hollister.

Serial killers do not shop at Hollister, this is a fact.

Oh, plus, you'll have a smile on your face because you'll be laughing at yourself for being a ginormous douchebag.

(no offense to anyone who shops at this store)
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post #18 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-02-2009, 10:27 PM
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I think the smile is like a muscle. the more you use it, the more prominent it becomes so that your face is graced with a very subtle smile all the time and you look friendlier. But when you never smile your face takes on a very nasty and angry look
It does use certain facial muscles to smile, but it takes even more muscles to frown. And just like any other muscle, they can be strengthened with use or will atrophy if unused.

This may sound a little silly, but I once did smiling exercises, smiling very big and holding the smile for 10 seconds and repeating this about 10 times each day. I also tried to smile more during my day and think the exercises made that easier by strengthening the muscles needed to smile. Now I can smile without much effort and it doesn't look faked, altho it may have initially. This probably won't work if you're constantly thinking about your sadness or anger. I don't smile while I'm dwelling on my sadness.

Of course, if you can actually make yourself happy and not angry, then smiling will be easy, but you can learn to smile, even when you're unhappy. Most people would never guess at how sad I am based on my smile.


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post #19 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-03-2009, 12:48 AM
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My only answer would be to try and express what you're thinking more. Instead of just having one facial expression for every emotion, practice different facial expressions in the mirror and use them more when you're feeling a certain emotion. Purposely over express what you're thinking kind of like a performer. They need to get across to the audience what emotions they are trying to express so they over dramatize the facial expression. You don't need to go overboard, but just enough where people will know what you're thinking.
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post #20 of 57 (permalink) Old 02-03-2009, 01:33 PM
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Just addressing the thread title... wear Hollister.

Serial killers do not shop at Hollister, this is a fact.

Oh, plus, you'll have a smile on your face because you'll be laughing at yourself for being a ginormous douchebag.

(no offense to anyone who shops at this store)
Over half my wardrobe is from Hollister. Guess I'd rather be a douchebag than a serial killer

To the OP, think of a funny joke to make you smile. If you are not sure of any, get a joke book or go to jokes.com
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