Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Northern Virginia
It's not quite so simple to feel better. I mean everyone has their own path to take and find their own way, in the end, you have to fight, you have to persist, you have to realize, then you have to change.
I am someone whos usually a lucky go-happy guy in my better days. But in the past year, I been feeling intense anger. So intense that the longer I suppress it, the more I had dark thoughts, they'll all come and release in one explosive incident, then start all over again. But for the longest period of time until recently, I had thoughts of wanting to wreck havoc on the world. After all, the truth is you want someone to connect to, you want some purpose in your life, but you are all confused on how to achieve it and you don't know how. The anger, it's partly frustration because you don't know how to handle all this emotion inside you.
I'm sure you are scaring people, just like I have. I knew I was scaring people, when you are angry, people can see it in your gaze. You have to find a way to let it out. Find something that you enjoy doing and you get great pleasure out of, that you have to work hard to earn, but start with someone that can be easily achievable so you can develop confidence. It'll give you a sense of accomplishment and you'll start to feel better about yourself.
Also you have to laugh man. Start by watching some youtube videos, just explore who you are. Start defeating the negative thought patterns you have inside of you. It's an on-going battle that is not fought in conventional ways. This isn't a fight of fire, it's a fight of becoming calm and tranquil inside.
Think of anger as mud. For example, let's say you got so angry you just yelled at your mom unnecessarily for whatever reason, but you just covered yourself with mud, you cover up that light inside you that shines for everyone to see. You keep doing it and the layers of mud become bigger and bigger. In order to control anger, you have to start cleaning the layers of mud off you and it's a long process. But if you want it, you'll find a way.
Good luck brother.
From the land of the midnight sun
where ice blue roses grow
'long those roads of gold and silver snow
Howlin' wide or moanin low
So many roads I know
So many roads to ease my soul