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I feel like I repel people

2K views 6 replies 7 participants last post by  Beast And The Harlot 
#1 ·
So here's one of my biggest issues....I like the idea of interacting with people in a social setting, but actually doing it freaks me out something fierce. How do you guys cope/deal/improve that feeling?

My main issue is my fear of not know what to say. My head races a hundred miles and hour, and all I can think is "what should I say?!?!?!?!?!?!", but NOTHING ever comes to mind and I inevitably just say something dumb like "ok" or "yea."

I want to be able to slow my brain down and just live in the moment. I think being able to shut down all the superfluous thoughts in my brain will free up some bandwidth and let me actually partake in the conversation. I have tried all kinds of medication - lexapro, buspirone, prozac, xanax, and propranolol - but NOTHING works (I'm not expecting any of these to solve my issues, but I was hoping that they would have SOME impact).

What have you do to overcome your anxiety/fears/phobias?
 
#2 ·
So here's one of my biggest issues....I like the idea of interacting with people in a social setting, but actually doing it freaks me out something fierce. How do you guys cope/deal/improve that feeling?

My main issue is my fear of not know what to say. My head races a hundred miles and hour, and all I can think is "what should I say?!?!?!?!?!?!", but NOTHING ever comes to mind and I inevitably just say something dumb like "ok" or "yea."

I want to be able to slow my brain down and just live in the moment. I think being able to shut down all the superfluous thoughts in my brain will free up some bandwidth and let me actually partake in the conversation. I have tried all kinds of medication - lexapro, buspirone, prozac, xanax, and propranolol - but NOTHING works (I'm not expecting any of these to solve my issues, but I was hoping that they would have SOME impact).

What have you do to overcome your anxiety/fears/phobias?
Hi, there are some great suggestions here using cognitive behavioral therapy. I used to be on meds, the highest doses available, and they helped numb things, but certainly didn't cure anything. Right now I'm trying to become mentally tougher, like an athlete, and try to not give a f what other people think. I'm trying to respect more what I think, and minimize what others' may think. So long as I'm not hurting anybody else, I can train myself to do that. But it is hard to overcome years of negativity. Of course I don't know if that is how you perceive others or not?
 
#3 ·
I also feel that I repel people. But you know what, it isn't always true. Most of the times it actually isn't. There are many times when people actually aren't repelled. Why do we choose to remember only the bad times? Because of our negative thinking. It's a lot of work, I know. I'm not exactly succeeding in it. But being aware can soothe the stress and the self-loathing a little bit.

And you don't know whether the people you interact with have similar thoughts as you. You'll be surprised - we all want to be perceived as interesting and fun. It's a little bit like a domino effect: someone talks to you -> you get stressed out and say "yea" or "ok" and appear nonchalant -> they think you find them boring and feel self conscious and withdraw -> then you both feel repelling. Most of the times it's about how you make people feel about themselves, not about them disliking you as a person.
 
#4 ·
I've been working on my situation SA for some time. Or rather social phobia since the main issue used to be the really intense physical symptoms. However, now almost all of those are gone and I expect the little tension to be gone also.

I've never taken medication but if I remember correctly sometimes the effects may start only after a few weeks.

There are many approaches, but I've found that you have to find the one that works for your particular situation. There are some that go slowly and others that work faster. You can read my post about the faster ones that I've found to be very effective: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com...ypnosis-eft-emdr-and-why-cbt-doesn-t-1617410/

The first thing is to figure out what the actual issue is. You mentioned that you're having the issue in social settings. Is it every kind of setting or when new people, authority figures, peers, etc are present?
You also mentioned your fear of not knowing what to say. I wonder if that's what starts the anxiety or is it being around people? If the second, then that could explain why your mind is already racing and you can't think properly.

If interested, let me know and we can explore further.
 
#6 ·
I know for a fact I repel people on the rare occasion someone talks to me with my sh***y attitude - primarily about myself - and I still can't stop myself sometimes. Right after I say something I realize that while I may believe it, it's a stupid thing to say, and they don't want to hear it. But it's too late. Which would explain why I rarely have someone to talk to. On the internet, that is. In person, I just don't talk at all.
 
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