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Old 02-07-2011, 12:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Unhappy I feel like I don't deserve friends

I have never been able to keep friends in the long run. In high school and college, I have had several friends but most of the friendships faded over time, a few ended because of a falling out. I'm now a college senior and graduating in May, and I basically have no friends. I know a couple people who I meet up with for lunch once a month, but that's about it. We don't really hang out or make plans for the weekend.

I had one close friend last semester, when I confided in him and told him about my depression. We were pretty good friends for a couple months, then we had a falling out and now we haven't spoken since October. I don't think we can ever be friends again, and this has discouraged me from trying to make new friends.

There must be a reason why I can't maintain friendships - maybe I'm just not good at them. I feel like I can get too clingy and neurotic, and even if I'm not, I feel like I'm boring people and wasting their time. Being in college, it's also hard to make friends when I don't drink - I'm just not into the party scene.

At this point, I don't see a reason to try to make friends again, when I've failed at friendships for 21 years. When I graduated high school, I was friendless. And here I am, four years later, back to square one. Is it just me or has this happened to other people too?
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Old 02-07-2011, 04:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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It happens. College and beyond is pretty much time to become a subject matter expert. Developing a talent/skill/subject matter will always draw people to you in the boring college then work world. Hope you can find a study group to lessen the isolation if not just get by with school.
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Old 02-07-2011, 05:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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i think everyone deserves a friend :\
it's not like you ever intentionally tried to break your friendships apart or betrayed someone.

right now I'm in college and SA is kicking my butt - at least you are graduating, you should feel good about that.

if you try to open up you might find friends, i know not everyone in college is a drunk party animal.
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Old 02-07-2011, 05:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Ahh, I often feel like I don't deserve friends; like I don't deserve squat. But of course, this is not true! Everyone deserves at least a few friends. softshock11 is right, it's not like you meant those friendships not to work on purpose. Things just happen. But I believe that there is no such thing as too late to make friends; it's only too late when you have truly given up on the effort and given up on yourself.

Try to find what you are good at, join a club you like, find a common interest with people. You could make a lot of friends that way. I know it is terribly difficult for me to maintain friendships, but I have learned to try, despite past failures. Because if I am standing at the bottom, and I am trying, the only way I can go is up, right? Same is true for you. It may seem pointless because you have always had a hard time with it, but the more you practice, the more you will eventually get better. You could find someone you want to talk to, and focus on becoming their friend. Maybe talk to them a little each day, and you might have a friend soon. Even if you fail, keep trying, because the emptiness can't go away if you stop trying; however, it will go away if you do work at making friends.

Good luck... I am a freshman in college, and I feel isolated because I had to leave all my highschool friends, and even though I am making friends in college, I still feel unbelievably lonely at times because I feel like I barely get to see them in a school so big with so many people. It sucks. But I am still trying to be friendly and talk a little every day. =]
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Old 02-07-2011, 08:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Making friends is not about being a good person and showing people you like them. The number a friends a person has is not an indication of how good or kind that person is. You are probably giving people who have friends too much credit. People don't have friends because they deserve them because they are such great people. People have friends because they work at maintaining friendships and they do a good job of "selling" themselves to people. If I were you I would focus on what you think you are doing wrong. Do you drop friends too easily? Do you give off a bad first impression?
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Old 02-07-2011, 08:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Aw, reading this reminded me so much of myself. I've gone years without a single friend in the world, and then at school I'll happen to make one only to lose touch eventually and become friendless again. It sucks because I have a wall up and sometimes people seem determined to break it down and befriend me, so I'll get more relaxed but also needy and neurotic as well, and then they seem to distance themselves from me. I often feel like I'm simply incapable of maintaining a friendship, but I believe we all certainly deserve friends and support and should keep trying. There is no doubt another person out there who we'd click with and would understand and accept us as we are, whether we find them or not is another question, but I'd suggest we keep trying.
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Old 02-07-2011, 07:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I guess I usually give off a bad first impression, or at least I think I do, because I'm shy and quiet and don't really know what to say. So when people first meet me and I don't say much, I guess that turns them off, and it discourages me from trying to approach people.

What made me lose my friend last semester was that I was too dependent and neurotic, and now I'm afraid that if I get close to anyone I'll just get too needy again. I also don't feel comfortable approaching anyone because I feel like I'm just bothering them. I think people are better off without me because I'm not good at friendships anyway.

My whole life I've always wanted to get married in future, but recently I just realized, if I can't even keep a friend, what makes me think I can keep a husband? I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm already 21, so I'm starting to think I may just have to be single for the rest of my life.
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Old 02-26-2011, 09:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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It's the same here for me I usually get so caught up with my education that I forget about other people and eventually stop talking.

And keeping a boyfriend isn't hard we're quite simple food, sleep and sex it's not hard at all.
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Old 02-27-2011, 12:57 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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My main problem is keeping friends. I seem to make them somewhat easily, but then I end up letting my SA get in the way. I have phone anxiety so a lot of times when my friends call I will ignore it. I'll also turn down invitations to hang out if it involves going somewhere that I know will make me anxious. Due to that my friends probably get the impression that I don't like them, and over time I hear from them less and less until eventually they just stop trying to contact me. This has happened a few times with a couple different groups of friends.

Right now I only have 2 close friends irl. They are the type of people who like to talk on the phone for at least an hour every day...sometimes I can answer but a lot of times I just can't..I'm just glad that they haven't given up on me yet.
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Old 02-27-2011, 02:33 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeGoesOn View Post
I have never been able to keep friends in the long run. In high school and college, I have had several friends but most of the friendships faded over time, a few ended because of a falling out. I'm now a college senior and graduating in May, and I basically have no friends. I know a couple people who I meet up with for lunch once a month, but that's about it. We don't really hang out or make plans for the weekend.

I had one close friend last semester, when I confided in him and told him about my depression. We were pretty good friends for a couple months, then we had a falling out and now we haven't spoken since October. I don't think we can ever be friends again, and this has discouraged me from trying to make new friends.

There must be a reason why I can't maintain friendships - maybe I'm just not good at them. I feel like I can get too clingy and neurotic, and even if I'm not, I feel like I'm boring people and wasting their time. Being in college, it's also hard to make friends when I don't drink - I'm just not into the party scene.

At this point, I don't see a reason to try to make friends again, when I've failed at friendships for 21 years. When I graduated high school, I was friendless. And here I am, four years later, back to square one. Is it just me or has this happened to other people too?
Try not to get discouraged just because you didn't hit it off with one person. Everyone starts friendships that don't work out. Some people just don't click together. Try to find out what your contribution to the demise of the friendship was. Even if you consider yourself clingy and neurotic, there are still people who you can meet who have a tolerance for that. If you are trying to be friends from people who are very different from you, that might be the problem. If you are really depressed it can be tough to make friends because a lot of people don't like negativity.
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Old 02-27-2011, 04:12 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Friends are overrated - get a rat!

Jokes aside.

Maintaining friends is hard work, and time consuming. But you got to meet halfway. Even as an SA sufferer, you have to explain to them your condition and you have to make every effort to compromise. No one likes to do all of the leg-work or else they will assume that we're taking them for a ride. It's hard for people to understand/empathy unless they tasted it themselves.

People are under the impression that I'm popular and have too many friends that I could possibly not have any room for one more. How wrong are they.
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Old 02-27-2011, 11:24 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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This has happened to me also. And I get treated like a loser because of it. No, you deserve to have friends.
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Old 02-27-2011, 11:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Growing up, I was never close with who I guess you can still call friends from school and such. Frankly I'm just afraid to attempt to make new friends.
It's kind of hard to find a place to want to go if I even want to try to interact with new people.
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Old 04-27-2013, 11:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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you sound exactly like me. maybe you could try making up with your close friend you had from last semester?
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Old 04-28-2013, 12:28 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Everybody deserves to have friends. I'm dealing with this problem in college as well. I am very lonely a lot. You see, I have "friends". I really don't click well with anyone. Lots of people are good at making friends but unfortunately I'm not good at that myself. Everybody has strengths and making friends is always possible. You can do it and so can I. It'll be okay.
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Old 04-28-2013, 01:26 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Growing up i also had difficulties making friends and when i did it didn't last very long.
Up until college i had several friends but most of them where "friends with me because " of my kindness so to say; my parents gave me once a week some money to spend and what i would do is take my so called friends and go out. They soon took advantage of this and i ended up most of the time paying for their consummation as well.
When i got in college i had one good friend who didn't took advantage like the others but the friendship lasted only a few months. At one point i suddenly didn't hear from him again; a few months later i meet him with some other group of friends and he would pretend he didn't know me.
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