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I dont know if i was offended or not?

2K views 8 replies 7 participants last post by  njodis 
#1 ·
#2 ·
Its ok to be shy and quiet, and your teacher thinks that too - he is just worried that there is something upsetting you - the pain behind the 'quiet'. He's not saying 'you shouldn't be quiet' - thats your SA playing with your mind and misinterpreting for you. He's actually giving you an out, an opportunity to say "things aren't ok - I need someone to help me here".

Its ok to show your pain, its ok to admit you are hurting. Its ok to admit you are shy - despite how you feel, the world does not hate shy people. There are many good folks out there that feel compassion and nurturing feelings towards us and who want our buried talents to shine. Your teacher seems like one of those people. Just for now, put that inner fear to one side because its lying to you - if help is being offered, take it. Your pain could be halved sooner than you could imagine.

Ross
 
#3 ·
Re: re: I dont know if i was offended or not?

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#4 ·
I'm sorry you went thru that. But don't sweat it, JMO but it's better to have a teacher who is concerned about you than one who couldn't give a crap. People might be concerned about you and not others because you show intelligence, sensitivity and potential..........at least I hope so :)
 
#5 ·
Not to add to your anxiety, but perhaps teachers are looking out more for "the quiet ones" since the whole Virginia Tech shootings. The belief may be that if someone - anyone - had reached out to the shooter the tragedy may have been avoided. I'm just guessing here. Either way, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Even if your teacher does perceive you as quiet, the class will be over before you know it. Hang in there.
 
#6 ·
I remember when I was at college my isolation and depression sometimes made me feel righteous. The sense of "you can have no idea what I'm going through - how dare you try to understand me" created a type of elitism within me and in a way it made me hold on to my pain and push away those who tried to help. On top of that I felt stupid and ashamed of NEEDING help - I wanted to overcome it alone and was convinced I was all I needed to do it. I knew people that felt similar in teenage years and so it was justified, as we made scary bits of art and wrote intensely heavy metal that attacked everyone and everything, including ourselves. That was in 1994. My teenage conviction that I could do it all alone didn't hold up. I lost the righteousness and found instead more pain and unhappiness in adult life.

I'm not going to post again on this one, but I see so many people on these boards being given chances that their SA makes them see as disasters.

You have an opportunity there. Its not Virginia Tech, its not life saying 'how dare you be shy, you selfish girl'. You have a little sense of happiness that he has reached out in some way - thats your body telling you 'this is a good thing'.

You must obviously do what you feel is right, and only you can make that decision - but don;t forget - SA MAKES US SEE THINGS NOT AS THEY ARE, BUT AS OUR FEAR FEELS THEY ARE.

Ross
 
#7 ·
This really touches a nerve for me. I've been in this situation so many times myself, where someone reaches out and says, "are you OK?" and it just almost makes me cry because I'm not. But also, "OH MY GOD! Someone is noticing me!" Over the years, I've gotten better at dealing with this, at taking a deep breath and realizing that this is someone trying to reach out to me and that it is a good thing. I guess my point is that it is hard but if you can learn to recognize that this isn't a threatening situation, you'll get a better handle on it. I think that the basis of a lot of anxiety disorders is probably this inability to distinguish between the threatening and non-threatening situation.

I'm not saying I have it all together but I can step back and let the rational part of my mind take control (sometimes) now.
 
#8 ·
Lol I've had teachers say me that too.
"Are you okay? You're always quiet and don't seem to get along with others a lot"
"It's because I knew someone who had family problems, and that was quiet because of it"
Then I'm like "I'm fine >_>"
Then they start babbling blah blah blah, and I had to hide the tears they could try to break for no reason.
 
#9 ·
I can sorta relate. I feel like I'm pretty good at hiding my depression and feelings, but every once in a while someone will notice. Just the other day my dad was like, "Is something wrong?" but of course I said I was ok. It's happened more than once with the same result every time. It's stupid, because I know that it might actually be better if I could say something, but I just can't.
 
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