The books I have suggested are about healing yourself and showing you a new attitude. I too started with the Carnegie book, and had the same trouble. Years later I found out why. Thats because the book is trying to teach you to be socially adept
, instead of asking the question "will social excellence actually heal
the hole that I feel inside me"?
It teaches social skill, instead of personal and emotional honesty. It ignores intimacy
, or the way that humans feel close through progressive honesty with each other.
SA makes us think that if we can only become that socially wonderful person, then we will feel happy. It makes us cling to this idea like the only plastic life-ring in the middle of a stormy, freezing grey atlantic. We'll carry on clinging even when its clear it is giving us no buoyancy.
In fact we need a different support, and approach, altogether. We need to heal what hurts inside first - and then the external becomes a much easier proposition. In a way, a vast proportion of the self-help market has helped to keep us stuck, because it never asked this very thing.
Its an attitude shift that can blow your view of yourself, and the world, right open.