I am so rude to people - Social Anxiety Forum

 
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
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I am so rude to people

only if they could understand...

i do not mean to not say thankyou

i do not mean not to say goodbye

i do not mean not to say hello

i do not mean not to say hello

i do not mean to shove you off when you ask me a question

i do not mean to sit there like a snob acting like i have not noticed you


i actually want to talk to you, it is just that my mind is so messed up inside i cant, and all the time i walk away kicking myself thinking i should have, i wonder how other people make friends so easily, it is pretty obvious really
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 02:59 PM
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this this this

like a thousand times YES
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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 03:14 PM
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I hear you on this one. People think I'm stuck up, and probably rude, too.
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 03:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedragon View Post
You couldnt say thank you? That is quite easy
It depends, for me, that is.
When I'm at a shop and I need to thank the cashier or someone, then it's quite easy for me, because it's automatic. But when someone, like a classmate, helps me, for example, to solve a maths problem, then I find it quite hard to thank him face to face.
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 03:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by changeforthebetter View Post
only if they could understand...

i do not mean to not say thankyou

i do not mean not to say goodbye

i do not mean not to say hello

i do not mean not to say hello

i do not mean to shove you off when you ask me a question

i do not mean to sit there like a snob acting like i have not noticed you


i actually want to talk to you, it is just that my mind is so messed up inside i cant, and all the time i walk away kicking myself thinking i should have, i wonder how other people make friends so easily, it is pretty obvious really
Although shy people struggle with this, outgoing people can too. The truth is that hellos, goodbyes, and thank yous can be awkward. Another thing some people don't get is thank you is not even necessary in a lot of situations. You never "need" to say thank you to a cashier, all they are doing is their job and are getting paid for it. Actually, you are giving them business so they can have a job, so technically they should be thanking you. The same goes for good byes and hellos in a store like that, you don't owe them anything, you are helping give them a job just by buying stuff in the store.

The most important thing here is that you have a right to be shy. You have a right to please yourself. Anyone who tells you have to conform to all "social norms" is wrong.
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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IcemanKilmer View Post
The most important thing here is that you have a right to be shy. You have a right to please yourself. Anyone who tells you have to conform to all "social norms" is wrong.
I never thought about it this way. Some people actually say that they hate shy people and that they affect society in a negative way. I remember this girl back in high school that hated me because I never spoke. I heard her say to someone one day, "How can you come to school everyday and not talk?" It really hurt me...I asked myself that same question every single day.

Sometimes my self-consciousness gets in the way of me being polite. I am afraid to say hello's, goodbye's, thankyou's, blahhh because I think my voice might sound weird or I am just really anxious. Crazy I know.
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 04:43 PM
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Been confused for a snob since I can remember. Sometimes I honestly try to act normal when out in public but never does any good. I have no faith in myself.

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.”
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post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 04:51 PM
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People always I am looking down on them and that I act snobbish. When in fact its the complete opposite way. Than because they say something about my behaviour like you're so posh I always over compensate by being over-friendly or over nice to that person than I feel even more stupid/awkward.
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 05:18 PM
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Several weeks ago I had a small errand and needed to walk through a group of people that are acquaintances only-After the errand I quickly walked through again,several feet away,I felt that someone was watching me.- I turned back and saw a girl that had been very friendly to me in the past-she had this shocked look on her face. I realized she had expected me to smile and say hello. I hadn't even noticed her,I'm so not used to anyone noticing me or having anyone to speak to. Also,it always catches me off guard when people wish me a happy_____ (holiday,weekend,etc.) I usually throw out a mumbled reply-I have so little practice with the social aspects of life,it truly never occurs to me to say those sorts of things first. I've only just begun to wonder how much this type of thing inhibits my ability to make any friends.

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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 07:54 PM
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You just have to take baby steps. Try making a goal to say thank you to one person a day for starters and then build up from there.

I started by smiling if I couldn't say anything. It really helped. Even though I still have problems talking to people, I smile as much as I can to not seem like I'm being rude.
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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 08:09 PM
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I'm exactly the same way. I always feel so ashamed and full of self-hatred after these social interactions gone terribly wrong.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 03-15-2011, 08:20 PM
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Same here, people think I'm rude but most of the time I'm not. I have not been able to find a solution to this besides just say "thank you" and be on with it.
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-08-2012, 05:48 PM
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People call me rude and selfish however I'm at a point where it's like whatever man my track record in terms of the person I am and how I treat people is better then most. I just have anxiety if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be so rude. However since society views anxiety as a weakness and people try to bully me and then i'm label crazy after I stand up for myself I say f it the kid rather be rude then known as crazy. People drive me to be the person I am cause in terms of anxiety I have anger issues real bad anger issues so it's better for me to sit my bipolar tell down lol!
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 04-08-2012, 06:29 PM
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I can relate a ton! People always think im mean and stuck up but I'm really not it frustrates me and makes me feel like horrible about myself
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 11:59 AM
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This annoys me

Im sure you can tell by my name i'm an outgoing person
I see myself as friendly nice and caring, i rather help someone than myself
However, people see me as rude for the smallest things i do, i hate that no one can ever see the real me maybe its my face ive mastered this defencive face for so long i may come across as intimidating.

Sometimes, i feel shy, tired and upset and i come across as i think i'm better than everybody or im rude, i also have a deep tone in my voice which makes me sound aggressive when really i mean no harm. I use to smile at everyone but ever since ive been getting dirty looks from people like"why is she smiling, why is she so happy? i really shut down afraid people will hate me for my kindness and look at me as an attention seeker, its like you can't please the world..

My family tell me i'm rude but i know who i am on the inside, but i guess that doesn't count and when people tell me that it makes me think im a horrible person so i end up being horrible to everyone!

I'm an akward person ive been hurt in the past by a lot of people so i keep my distance and im considere as rude, but you can't please the world the best thing is to focus on yourself and be a better you and the REAL people who are not quick to judge you will connect and understand you.
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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 12:42 PM
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Oh man I can relate.

I always come off rude and it's hard to say thank you for some reason. I usually just go Mhm but thats rude sounding...

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 12:59 PM
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Yeah I feel I come off as rude sometimes.

Not very good at this.
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 01:24 PM
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I constantly feel guilty about this. I know most people think I'm a jerk.

"You fall to your knees, you beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart in every hour
You're drowning in your imperfection" - Skillet
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 04:55 PM
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yeah been called rude too

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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-10-2013, 04:58 PM
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I usually try to keep to myself, because I've noticed it's become a trend to be unbearably sarcastic. I can appreciate playful sarcasm once in a while, but not when it's snarky and unrelenting.
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