Social Anxiety Support

Georgina 22 · 10-13-2009, 08:07 AM

Ok I was just thinking about some uncomfortable social situations, not that I've really been in but imagine if it happened to me and how I would deal with it but I really dont know how I'd deal with it. So I decided to ask you all of here, It would be interesting to know how you would feel and how you would deal with this.

Right:

Say if you were at work and its your lunchbreak and you are sitting in the staff room, and it's only you in there. Then this other person comes in, who you don't really know and sits opposite you and you think "right i'll have this opportunity to make a friend"

You are just about to smile at her when she looks at you but when she does look at you she gives you a blank look, doesn't smile or sayhello then she gets her newspaper/magazine and starts reading it. And your left just finishing off your lunch and thinking "Oh I ain't talking to her coz she looks unapproachable"

Then other person comes in for their lunchbreak, this person sitting down looks up to see who it is and says hi to her and this new person who's come in says hi back and they start talking/laughing together. But these two people don't know each other or barely knew each other. The first person just suddenly decides to talk to her as if shes known her forever. But with you she didn't do anything.

Now whilst they are talking together, if I was in that situation I would feel abit uncomfortable and ackward sitting there and they haven't said hi to me. I wouldn't know how to butt in and just start talking to them, and I wouldn't want to be rude and butt in their little world.

I'd probably just sit there, get a magazine and read it/get up and pretend to go to the toilets or finish my lunchbreak early and get back on with my shift.

Now if you were in this situation how would you feel? what would you be thinking? and how would you overcome this? would you run/would you just butt into the conversation any ol' how and join in?

michael1 · 10-13-2009, 08:12 AM

thinking like this is totally pointless

ApatheticJalapeno · 10-13-2009, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michael1

thinking like this is totally pointless

"Thinking" and "pointless" should rarely be used in the same sentence. Care to elaborate?

And to answer the OP's question, I'd just keep doing what I'm doing. If they offer me a look or an opinion on whatever they're gabbing about, I'd think of something, but I'm skilled at the art of solitude, haha.

TATA · 10-13-2009, 08:37 AM

I don't think I would approach them, I'll just read something and finish up my lunch earlier. I don't know its the social anxiety talking or just finding it rude butting up in people's conversations when you are not welcomed.

michael1 · 10-13-2009, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ApatheticJalapeno

"Thinking" and "pointless" should rarely be used in the same sentence. Care to elaborate?

And to answer the OP's question, I'd just keep doing what I'm doing. If they offer me a look or an opinion on whatever they're gabbing about, I'd think of something, but I'm skilled at the art of solitude, haha.

its pointless going over imaginary scenarios feeding whatever paranoia you have. can only make u worse. stick to reality.

epril · 10-13-2009, 08:56 AM

This has happened to me. If it's a good day, and they're not too far from my age, I'll try to interject, for my own self esteem, because if I don't, I'll feel like there's something wrong with me, and beat myself up later. If it's a bad day, I'll sit there hating myself. Or, I truly don't care, and eat my lunch and try to find something to read.

I think I make people uncomfortable with a nice smile. Weird, but I'm starting to believe that. If I just talk, and push myself, people respond better.

A young guy at an event recently where we'll all be socializing a lot smiled a nice smile at me, and initially I found it creepy, and didn't smile back, and immediately after felt bad, because he was new and was just trying to be nice. Social stuff is so hard.

somethinginthewind · 10-13-2009, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ApatheticJalapeno

"Thinking" and "pointless" should rarely be used in the same sentence.

Awesome sentence right there.

gozinsky · 10-13-2009, 09:32 AM

I would probably feel like something was wrong with me and feel hurt about it and wonder why this was happening to me and want to cry or something. No way would I butt in. Not in this lifetime. I would probably feel like I wanted to quit my job and all kinds of negative thoughts would flood my mind. This obviously would make me even less approachable because it would all show up on my affect without me realizing it. then people would look at me like I was someone they wouldn't want to share the same continent with and I would wonder why and feel worse. I would finish my shift and leave feeling like there was no point in living. Happy tuesday!

quietgal · 10-13-2009, 10:28 AM

Wow, story of my life.

Usually I just assume that person doesn't want to talk to me, at least at that point in time, and carry on with my lunch or work and ignore her. I can go on for months in this vein, without saying anything other then "hello" to someone sitting directly across from me at a table, every day, for literally months on end.

I often wonder/agonize over why this happens. I don't know if it's the same for you (assuming this has happened to you and isn't just a purely hypothetical situation), but personally I think it's just me. There's something totally unapproachable/closed about my appearance or body language that automatically turns people off and doesn't make them want to get to know me. I'm also very passive...it's really hard for me to initiate conversations without the other person clearly approaching me first. It's a really difficult and uncomfortable situation to be in...unfortunately I've become pretty accustomed to it.

10-13-2009, 08:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
Georgina 22 Status: wants to be anxiety-free Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: In my little shell lol Gender: Female Posts: 913	How would you deal with this? Ok I was just thinking about some uncomfortable social situations, not that I've really been in but imagine if it happened to me and how I would deal with it but I really dont know how I'd deal with it. So I decided to ask you all of here, It would be interesting to know how you would feel and how you would deal with this. Right: Say if you were at work and its your lunchbreak and you are sitting in the staff room, and it's only you in there. Then this other person comes in, who you don't really know and sits opposite you and you think "right i'll have this opportunity to make a friend" You are just about to smile at her when she looks at you but when she does look at you she gives you a blank look, doesn't smile or sayhello then she gets her newspaper/magazine and starts reading it. And your left just finishing off your lunch and thinking "Oh I ain't talking to her coz she looks unapproachable" Then other person comes in for their lunchbreak, this person sitting down looks up to see who it is and says hi to her and this new person who's come in says hi back and they start talking/laughing together. But these two people don't know each other or barely knew each other. The first person just suddenly decides to talk to her as if shes known her forever. But with you she didn't do anything. Now whilst they are talking together, if I was in that situation I would feel abit uncomfortable and ackward sitting there and they haven't said hi to me. I wouldn't know how to butt in and just start talking to them, and I wouldn't want to be rude and butt in their little world. I'd probably just sit there, get a magazine and read it/get up and pretend to go to the toilets or finish my lunchbreak early and get back on with my shift. Now if you were in this situation how would you feel? what would you be thinking? and how would you overcome this? would you run/would you just butt into the conversation any ol' how and join in?

10-13-2009, 08:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
michael1 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Age: 22 Posts: 158	thinking like this is totally pointless __________________ "pessimism is an emotion not a philosophy"

10-13-2009, 10:28 AM	#9 (permalink)
quietgal Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 650	Wow, story of my life. Usually I just assume that person doesn't want to talk to me, at least at that point in time, and carry on with my lunch or work and ignore her. I can go on for months in this vein, without saying anything other then "hello" to someone sitting directly across from me at a table, every day, for literally months on end. I often wonder/agonize over why this happens. I don't know if it's the same for you (assuming this has happened to you and isn't just a purely hypothetical situation), but personally I think it's just me. There's something totally unapproachable/closed about my appearance or body language that automatically turns people off and doesn't make them want to get to know me. I'm also very passive...it's really hard for me to initiate conversations without the other person clearly approaching me first. It's a really difficult and uncomfortable situation to be in...unfortunately I've become pretty accustomed to it. __________________ A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde SuperBetter! A multi-player way to beat SA

10-13-2009, 08:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
TATA Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: New York City Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 361	I don't think I would approach them, I'll just read something and finish up my lunch earlier. I don't know its the social anxiety talking or just finding it rude butting up in people's conversations when you are not welcomed.

10-13-2009, 08:56 AM	#6 (permalink)
epril Status: sa challenger Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: arizona Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 4,302	This has happened to me. If it's a good day, and they're not too far from my age, I'll try to interject, for my own self esteem, because if I don't, I'll feel like there's something wrong with me, and beat myself up later. If it's a bad day, I'll sit there hating myself. Or, I truly don't care, and eat my lunch and try to find something to read. I think I make people uncomfortable with a nice smile. Weird, but I'm starting to believe that. If I just talk, and push myself, people respond better. A young guy at an event recently where we'll all be socializing a lot smiled a nice smile at me, and initially I found it creepy, and didn't smile back, and immediately after felt bad, because he was new and was just trying to be nice. Social stuff is so hard.

10-13-2009, 09:32 AM	#8 (permalink)
gozinsky Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: arizona Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 594	I would probably feel like something was wrong with me and feel hurt about it and wonder why this was happening to me and want to cry or something. No way would I butt in. Not in this lifetime. I would probably feel like I wanted to quit my job and all kinds of negative thoughts would flood my mind. This obviously would make me even less approachable because it would all show up on my affect without me realizing it. then people would look at me like I was someone they wouldn't want to share the same continent with and I would wonder why and feel worse. I would finish my shift and leave feeling like there was no point in living. Happy tuesday!