How Do You SOCIALIZE??? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 12:47 AM Thread Starter
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How Do You SOCIALIZE???

I don't like to be 'confrontational' only if I have to, to actually defend myself. I'm told I'm weird. Kinda why I dropped out of school is because I can't handle a situation where I have to converse with other people. I've been told by someone that I'm a metrosexual, I don't look or sound or even act gay but I can connect with women well. I guess that's an advantage but I can't have a female for a friend or else I get too attached. I try to have guy-friends but I don't ****ing understand this ****. I don't know if they're kidding or if they really mean some things, I can't read between the lines and this has affected me ever since I actually was intelligent enough to carry a conversation with someone, about the 4th grade and I hate being me because I'm not normal. Normal is..hard to explain but it's almost the exact opposite of what I am. I try to put myself out there, I'm not shy in any way because I'm a Leo, I like to talk it's just that I'm not good at making people laugh or not very convincing I guess. That's another thing, people don't take me seriously. When I'm not serious and trying to act serious to try to get in a joke or something they think I'm actually serious, when I'm dead-serious they laugh at me, call me stupid and carry on. It's like a really glitchy roller-coaster, one second I'm on top and I actually connected with someone, the next I'm feeling like trash because they'll make fun of me and a lot of what this 'social anxiety' stuff is hard as hell for me to explain....I wish there was just an easy fix like a pill I could take. To be honest I roll a blunt just about everyday now because I feel like any second I could go out and buy a gun from a pawn-shop and off myself. It's an up-hill battle and I'm TRYING AS BEST AS I CAN TO NOT JUST HATE EVERYONE AROUND ME. I think I'm honestly starting to hate people...
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 12:55 AM Thread Starter
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I know that's a whopping wall of un-witty text to read but..at the moment this is how I feel in my life. I can't hold onto a group of friends because it feels like they talk behind my back and I just think "If they're going to do that why even bother trusting and trying to be friends with them" I leave that group, find another, rinse and repeat hoping I can find a niche group where there are people like me who are honest as hell and watch each other's backs. I can't help but shed tears every now and then because I swear on my life I try so hard to just try and be friendly and be cool and maybe make a 'best-friend' someone I can trust to have my back on any situation but I don't know how I keep going I just do.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 12:56 AM Thread Starter
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No, I'm not suicidal, it'd tear my mom's heart apart if I killed myself.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 01:22 AM
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I chatterbox it up... but through it I can keep people emotionally at arms length... it's weird to be the center of attention and still feel so lonely...

"Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet." -Abraham Lincoln
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 01:32 AM Thread Starter
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I chatterbox it up... but through it I can keep people emotionally at arms length... it's weird to be the center of attention and still feel so lonely...
I never have anything interesting to say, and I'm out of the solar system/ gravitational pull for attention..
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 02:00 AM
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I'm glad u joined this site. I joined because it seems to be a great place to vent, write how we really feel, and nobody here would make fun of us.

I have a similar problem with my friends, i seem to be the idiot in the group. Its gotten so that most of the time I just listen to everyone else talk, without contributing anything. If something does pop into my head that i feel i may say, I tend to analyze it, wonder if its worth putting out there at the risk of getting laughed at, and then shut up.

I've noticed that things are a lot better when i text or chat with my friends. When they cant see how nervous I am, they dont seem to think that what I have to say is stupid.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 02:48 AM
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Usually I'm the quiet one in the group just hearing what everyone has to say. Mainly because I'm afraid of saying something stupid. It's not like this all the time, but it happens frequently enough to be a burden ya know. I hate being like this, there's this desire to be more outgoing and be more talkative I just don't know how to make that next step.

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 04:32 AM
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Finding genuine people is not an easy task. You'll find a lot of fake people who know what they're doing is wrong but do it anyways just to impress others. Eventually this need to please others and act "cool" becomes the persons "true" identity and at that point they become a shallow empty shell of a human. At that point they've locked their conscience so deep within their own minds that they don't understand compassion and sympathy.

Listen, people will always point out the flaws of the percieved "weakest" because they know they can get away with it and it makes them look "cool" in front of other people. Be happy with yourself. If you're a little ditsy then oh well, it's who you are; it's just one of the many things that makes up you. And stop smoking weed so much; it's not going to make you feel better.

Something that has helped me is to write down things that you enjoy about yourself and things that you enjoy about life in general. Read it when you're feeling down and continually add to it when new stuff you enjoy pops in your head.

You can even make yourself a motto of how you want to live your life. Here's an excerpt from mine:

I will do what makes me feel good and not do things to impress others. I will not be ashamed or embarrassed of my perceived past failures. I will accept my flaws and imperfections. Other peoplesí ideas of how to live life is not my idea of how to live life and their way is no better than mine. What they think about my life and appearance has no value. If Iím enjoying my life and who I am then it doesnít matter what other people think of me.


It might sound lame but it really helps me to focus and remember that no one is better than me and that it's okay to not live life the way people expect me to live it.

Anyways, go outside, get some sun, and enjoy existing.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Braincantfindaname View Post
I feel like any second I could go out and buy a gun from a pawn-shop and off myself.
SA will make you feel like you have no point in living if you cant really LIVE. i just take one day at a time and hope for the best.

only god can judge me.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 08:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Braincantfindaname View Post
I leave that group, find another, rinse and repeat hoping I can find a niche group where there are people like me who are honest as hell and watch each other's backs. I can't help but shed tears every now and then because I swear on my life I try so hard to just try and be friendly and be cool and maybe make a 'best-friend' someone I can trust to have my back on any situation but I don't know how I keep going I just do.
I'm afraid I haven't any real advice as I'm in much the same boat, especially in regards to this particular part. Most of my experience pertains to online since I haven't the opportunity to join real-life groups. But yes, it's frustrating to keep going through that lather/rinse/repeat cycle only to keep facing the same experience; if people don't reject you first, it often feels easier to reject them instead, because who's to say they won't be doing it soon enough? I can't count how many groups I've felt or actually been excluded from, including ones I was certain I belonged in. That feeling ESPECIALLY sucks, to not belong among your "own kind."

I too try my best to be friendly and be a good friend though it hasn't gotten me far in life. It always makes one wonder if there's some kind of "magic technique" they've been missing, that everybody else with good friends knows. Unfortunately, no such technique exists. :/

I hope it at least helps a little to feel free to vent about the issue here.

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
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thank you everyone I..didn't even know I had an anxiety..how I found this site was I was typing in "Why does no one play any other mmo than WoW" and when I typed "Why does no one" the rest came as "Why does no one like me" and I was curious to see if there was a simple answer, I came here to this site.

I know this sounds harsh on some level but I'm glad there are others like me going through what I'm going through, because I know that there are others that know exactly what I'm talking about instead of someone eyeing me up and down wondering what the hell I am, obviously not human (sarcasm)

Thank you all
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 06:45 PM
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I say oh hey how are you what have you have you been up to, etc.

Be yourself, because everyone else is taken.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 06:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by THEuTASTEsOFeINKd View Post
Finding genuine people is not an easy task. You'll find a lot of fake people who know what they're doing is wrong but do it anyways just to impress others. Eventually this need to please others and act "cool" becomes the persons "true" identity and at that point they become a shallow empty shell of a human. At that point they've locked their conscience so deep within their own minds that they don't understand compassion and sympathy.

Listen, people will always point out the flaws of the percieved "weakest" because they know they can get away with it and it makes them look "cool" in front of other people. Be happy with yourself. If you're a little ditsy then oh well, it's who you are; it's just one of the many things that makes up you. And stop smoking weed so much; it's not going to make you feel better.

Something that has helped me is to write down things that you enjoy about yourself and things that you enjoy about life in general. Read it when you're feeling down and continually add to it when new stuff you enjoy pops in your head.

You can even make yourself a motto of how you want to live your life. Here's an excerpt from mine:

I will do what makes me feel good and not do things to impress others. I will not be ashamed or embarrassed of my perceived past failures. I will accept my flaws and imperfections. Other peoplesí ideas of how to live life is not my idea of how to live life and their way is no better than mine. What they think about my life and appearance has no value. If Iím enjoying my life and who I am then it doesnít matter what other people think of me.


It might sound lame but it really helps me to focus and remember that no one is better than me and that it's okay to not live life the way people expect me to live it.

Anyways, go outside, get some sun, and enjoy existing.
This is really excellent advice. I quote for emphasis.
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