How do you deal with when people ask about your social life? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 04:16 AM Thread Starter
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How do you deal with when people ask about your social life?

I hate it when people ask stuff like this. It is probably one of my worst fears. I feel like Iím going to get Ďfound outí, that people are going to find out that I have almost no social life and from that work out that I am a looser. That might sound stupid buts itís a very strong feeling I have.

At Christmas with family this is the major thing I worry about. I probably would hardly be nervous at all if it wasnít for this. Iím scared someone will ask if I have a gf or where I go out or if I am involved in anything at uni. Luckily no one has ever actually asked any of these except the last one, and I just awkwardly said Ďum.. noí and changed the subject. What would some good answers to these be? Ie, answers that donít make me look ridiculous.

I am also going to catch up with an old friend who I havenít seen for about a year, and Iím scared that he will ask something like this, or ask me who I hang out with at uni or something like that. Because I know there are people he hangs around with at my uni, but I havenít met a single person at uni yet, there are just some people from my old school who I say hi to sometimes. I have this feeling as if everybody who goes to parties and stuff all know each other, which is probably a bit wrong although to be honest I have no idea. So I feel like he is going to be able to tell from any fake answer I give that I do not socialise with anyone at uni at all, let alone if he brings people from my uni along with him. What should I say in this situation?
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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 04:23 AM
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Just lie, I lie all the time to people.

Obvious sarcastic lies of course, where I hope people know i'm lying but they still get the hint that i'm pissed by what they had to asked. So if someone said...

"Ever had a girlfriend?"

"Yeah bro, I get like 10 girls a week, then dump them for some more broooo duuude"

People usually understand the hint.
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 07:06 AM
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Depends on who's asking, really. If it's someone I trust who I know to be understanding and not judgmental I'll admit I'm a boring homebody and I don't really have many friends. Otherwise I'll try to avoid the question or divert the topic - I tend to avoid judgmental people in general, anyway. But there's really no use putting up a front about it - that just makes the situation seem even more pathetic.

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 08:07 AM
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I always lie, my lack of social life is one of the things I am most ashamed and embarrassed about.
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 08:14 AM
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Fortunately I don't go out much, especially to social events so I don't get asked about my social life but even if I do I try and tell them the truth, that I don't go out that much and go out sometimes with my friend (Which is true)

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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 09:46 AM
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I know what you mean about family and stuff. I not really that close to my extended family and only see them about once a year. I don't really like probing questions either. I have a bf now. But when I was single I and they asked: "sooo is there anyone special in your life?" I used to just be vague and say "not at the moment" which makes it sound like you could've been dating someone recently, and let them draw their own conclusions from that.

As for uni friends thing, if you don't want to tell the truth I would just make some names up. Say you met them in the student bar or something. You could also just say you've been really busy with work and haven't had much time to go out

I try and give a vague answer and change the subject quickly by asking the person a question about their own life
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 10:59 AM
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I'd tell them the truth, though I wouldn't volunteer more of it than requested. My family knows I have no life, and the only other person who asks is the dentist, who only asks vague "have you been doing anything?" sorts of questions where they probably just think I pretend to be boring to avoid talking to them.

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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 11:02 AM
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If people ask me what I'm doing over the weekend I usually say "nothing" or "homework". I am developing a little bit of a social life though, so I'm not completely alone
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 11:11 AM
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I always play if off... What social life? I'm too busy with work and kids, blah blah blah. In reality, I sit at home and spend all of my time on the internet.
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 05:43 PM
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I'm just honest about it. The only socialising I do is with my boyfriend and my sister and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't really care what other people think and neither should you.

Originally Posted by Fortune Cookie Wisdom;
Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.
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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 05:48 PM
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I'd lie too. Well, not really a lie. Like if somebody asks if I've got any plans tonight I'd go, "oh God no, I've got TONS of work to do" when in truth I don't, or I do but never intend to do it right then. Or if someone asks why I didn't show up at some event or another, I'd just say I had a cold or something. Which is almost always true.
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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 06:41 PM
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I just tell them the truth. I have no social life and very few friends because as a general rule people don't like me. The more time I spend with someone the less they like me so I avoid people as much as possible. If they ask why people don't like me I tell them it is because I'm not a very good person. If they ask why to that I tell them to hang out with me for a while and they will know. People usually stop talking to me after that so it works out good for everyone.
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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 06:41 PM
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I just tell them the truth and say I have none and laugh it off. I'm a horrible liar.

Where am I going and why am I in this little handbasket?
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 06:52 PM
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When they ask about my social life i just tell them I don't have one or it's non-existent.
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 06:53 PM
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I tell them the truth and then always am left in an embarassed and awkward moment.....but I dislike lying very much.

"I feel like a helpless puppet being manipulated in some major scheme."~ Squall Leonhart

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post #16 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 07:06 PM
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Keep it very much to myself. The only people that know are me, my partner who has his own issues but at least he has friends and my offspring(very social).

One comfort is that at least it doesn't seem to be inherited. Although my grandmother was very isolated which makes me wonder......
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post #17 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 07:38 PM
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I'm so use to that question, it really bothered me ... because people that ask me that go out almost everyday, they're lazy and don't worry much about school, so i tell them (as i am now in college) that i have lot to do, which is partially true, anyway, do they care??? would they invite me or ask me to go out?? No!
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post #18 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 07:48 PM
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I usually fumble for a response, say I don't know or "stuff". This is mostly when people ask what I do on the weekends and such. It's of course horribly awkward, but there's not a whole lot to be done about it. Not presently, at least. Baby steps, though.
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post #19 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 07:49 PM
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the truth, so I can maybe get invited somewhere, this worked recently... party tomorrow...
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post #20 of 33 (permalink) Old 12-11-2009, 11:15 PM
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whats a social life
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