Social Anxiety Support

Rur · 07-03-2009, 04:42 PM

You should not try to cope with it, you need to create changes to overcome it.

Read "Loneliness" by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick and you will see what I mean. Basically, humans are social creatures and we all have genetic predispositions to how much social interaction we need, but the thing is we all need some to a certain degree and you cannot really become happy by tiptoeing around it.

You have to overcome your SA in order to be able to create social relations with others.

But you can start taking small steps in your life now so that you do not feel as lonely. For example, you can start doing small things for others you are surrounded by (like in the book a woman who was lonely would bake stuff for her neighbors). And this is a good strategy as it can lead to create possible social relations/friendships with people you do those things for.

mrfixit · 07-04-2009, 01:01 AM

Quote:

You should not try to cope with it, you need to create changes to overcome it.

this is how i see it: when you are young and barely learning about life , it's when you need to be the most social. teens learn about life by being social, then when you become an adult, you have learned those skills and don't have that need to be social any longer, you just want to settle down. adult's who work 8 hours a day, have kids, have to keep up with the changing technology, etc..do not have a lot of time to be social. their lives are just too busy to have time to socialize. i use to go out all the time as a teen (before i had advance SA) to the mall, arcade, theme park...etc. now that i am an adult i don't have time for all of that. now i don't have the need to party, i don't have the need to socialize, i just want to find that right person to live with the rest of my life. i can cope with being alone. i just need that significant other to be complete.

to review, teens have to socialize more then adults. yes, humans are social creatures.

did i mentioned i'm drunk?

Jaiyyson · 07-04-2009, 02:18 AM

Movies are a big thing for me atm along with music. The more i think about it though i know the more depressed i'd feel, so i think distraction is the key. When i am engrossed in a good movie i don't feel lonely.

Jaiyyson · 07-04-2009, 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrfixit

i can cope with being alone. i just need that significant other to be complete.

In a literal sense i never thought that this was what constituted being alone.

ItemEleven · 07-04-2009, 03:13 AM

Pet animals/plants are great. Sometimes when I feel a bit lonely I read a book or watch a movie.

1ShyGuy · 07-04-2009, 03:40 AM

Pets are awesome, Keeping occupied with something anything

shaketheglitter · 07-04-2009, 01:05 PM

I don't cope with it really. Just torture myself thinking about it until it passes...

Pelicanbay · 07-04-2009, 01:44 PM

i know what i COULD do, i could just go out by myself and try to meet ppl without a friend, thats a scary thing to do

tho ive been in the same city my whole life and i made alot of friends growing up so when i do start going out, i will just run into and just like that things will get better again.

but if you dont have many friends now or from the past, then going out by yourself is the only way to go, its terrifying but if your not doing nothing about it, its going to get worse...sucking it up and just approaching ppl, especially women, just gettin over that rush when you walk up to someone is nowhere near as bad as sitting in your room month after month.

XxArmyofOnexX · 07-04-2009, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaketheglitter

I don't cope with it really. Just torture myself thinking about it until it passes...

Ditto for the most part. There are times where I'll distract myself with books and videogames, but thats pretty much it.

indigo999 · 07-04-2009, 03:02 PM

I find it very hard to cope sometimes and think about dying quite a lot now as the day to day misery has got much worse. Its hard to not imagine that I must deserve this or that people hate me because I am a bad person. Then I often see people I don't like or I think are jerks and they all seem to have plenty of friends so it must just be the SA I guess, I hope. I've been going out a lot more on my own over the last two years but still almost never get into a conversation or when I do I still blush and go blank so its not got any better.Forcing myself to get out there and still failing badly almost every time leaves me feeling totally hopeless and it takes me weeks to even try again.

Pelicanbay · 07-04-2009, 03:34 PM

maybe its time you move to another place...like out of the country

tony0306 · 07-04-2009, 03:53 PM

Coping techniques I use:

1. Excersize (as long as your able to do so safely)
a. walking (for a mile or more at a time) I walk my dogs around the block, then drop them off back at home and keep going (old dogs).
b. biking (if you have/can afford a bike, optional)
c. weight lifting (or other "strenuous" aerobic excersize if you have no weights)

2. Read about, educate yourself, how to overcome SA/depression/etc
a. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne
b. The book mentioned when you click the "Social Anxiety Disorder" tab at the top of this page.

3. Read other self help books about confidence.
a. Complete Confidence by Sheenah Hankin
b. See You at the Top by Ziglar (anything by Zig Ziglar is helpful)

4. Meditate/Relaxation Techniques. Over time the effects of these excersizes last longer than just while you're doing it. At first you don't feel much, but over time you feel a calming effect.

So, all these things take up time that I would otherwise be feeling lonely. While I'm doing them I believe I'm bettering myself so someday I won't be lonely.

abizboah · 07-04-2009, 04:06 PM

Videogames and tv for me, they serve as a good distraction and a nice break from reality. I'm lucky in that I have a partner and some great close friends I can turn to for company but I still feel very isolated at work which is hard when I have nothing much to distract me there.

huh · 07-04-2009, 04:13 PM

I read or try to learn something new. Or I just take a nap or go to bed early.

Roberto · 07-04-2009, 04:27 PM

Some things that work for me sometimes are books with a first person narrative and frequenting public places. Just being around people is good sometimes - but if they try to get close or be my friend I freak out and run away. wtf...

alohomora · 07-04-2009, 05:18 PM

I rarely feel lonely, or at least if I am, I don't realize it. *shrug*

The only time I feel lonely is when I am separated from people I love, but if I don't feel attached to anyone, I don't feel lonely.

SourD · 07-04-2009, 05:41 PM

Is that what this is? Obviously SA is a very lonely experience, very very lonely. but I've had it for as long as I can remember really. It's always just been part of my life, my personality. But lately... I dunno, I know this sounds cheesy but I've been feeling more and more empty inside. Getting depressed, cynical to the point where I disgust myself. Nothing even matters anymore, basically is how I feel. Wonder if this is my first bout of true SA loneliness? great.

odd_one_out · 07-05-2009, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alohomora

I rarely feel lonely, or at least if I am, I don't realize it. *shrug*

The only time I feel lonely is when I am separated from people I love, but if I don't feel attached to anyone, I don't feel lonely.

Dayumn, I could have written this word for word. *raises eyebrow*

IHeartSteveMcQueen · 07-05-2009, 05:24 AM

I write, listen to music, read, watch a movie, go to the gym. getting a pet helps immensely.

fadetoblack72 · 07-05-2009, 05:46 AM

Don't you have to be ok being by yourself before you can/should be with someone else? As for the loneliness I usually don't do anything because when I am lonely I just want to be alone. Sounds pretty silly but that's what happens to me.

07-04-2009, 02:18 AM	#23 (permalink)
Jaiyyson Status: Davids disarm Goliaths Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 872	Movies are a big thing for me atm along with music. The more i think about it though i know the more depressed i'd feel, so i think distraction is the key. When i am engrossed in a good movie i don't feel lonely. __________________ "Don't walk in front of me, and don't walk behind me. If you are to walk with me, walk beside me or nothing at all."

07-04-2009, 03:13 AM	#25 (permalink)
ItemEleven Status: Half way there Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Posts: 177	Pet animals/plants are great. Sometimes when I feel a bit lonely I read a book or watch a movie. __________________ Do not seek your value in the perceptions of others Perfection is a point of view

07-04-2009, 05:18 PM	#36 (permalink)
alohomora Status: The party is over Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In a fiction book Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 288	I rarely feel lonely, or at least if I am, I don't realize it. shrug The only time I feel lonely is when I am separated from people I love, but if I don't feel attached to anyone, I don't feel lonely. __________________ The richest person in the world is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. Life gives answers in three ways. It says yes and gives whatever you want. It says no and gives you something better. It says wait and gives you the best.

07-03-2009, 04:42 PM	#21 (permalink)
Rur Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 14	You should not try to cope with it, you need to create changes to overcome it. Read "Loneliness" by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick and you will see what I mean. Basically, humans are social creatures and we all have genetic predispositions to how much social interaction we need, but the thing is we all need some to a certain degree and you cannot really become happy by tiptoeing around it. You have to overcome your SA in order to be able to create social relations with others. But you can start taking small steps in your life now so that you do not feel as lonely. For example, you can start doing small things for others you are surrounded by (like in the book a woman who was lonely would bake stuff for her neighbors). And this is a good strategy as it can lead to create possible social relations/friendships with people you do those things for.

07-04-2009, 03:40 AM	#26 (permalink)
1ShyGuy Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 59	Pets are awesome, Keeping occupied with something anything

07-04-2009, 01:05 PM	#27 (permalink)
shaketheglitter Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: London Gender: Female Posts: 11	I don't cope with it really. Just torture myself thinking about it until it passes...

07-04-2009, 01:44 PM	#28 (permalink)
Pelicanbay Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 153	i know what i COULD do, i could just go out by myself and try to meet ppl without a friend, thats a scary thing to do tho ive been in the same city my whole life and i made alot of friends growing up so when i do start going out, i will just run into and just like that things will get better again. but if you dont have many friends now or from the past, then going out by yourself is the only way to go, its terrifying but if your not doing nothing about it, its going to get worse...sucking it up and just approaching ppl, especially women, just gettin over that rush when you walk up to someone is nowhere near as bad as sitting in your room month after month.

07-04-2009, 03:02 PM	#30 (permalink)
indigo999 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 22	I find it very hard to cope sometimes and think about dying quite a lot now as the day to day misery has got much worse. Its hard to not imagine that I must deserve this or that people hate me because I am a bad person. Then I often see people I don't like or I think are jerks and they all seem to have plenty of friends so it must just be the SA I guess, I hope. I've been going out a lot more on my own over the last two years but still almost never get into a conversation or when I do I still blush and go blank so its not got any better.Forcing myself to get out there and still failing badly almost every time leaves me feeling totally hopeless and it takes me weeks to even try again.

07-04-2009, 03:34 PM	#31 (permalink)
Pelicanbay Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 153	maybe its time you move to another place...like out of the country

07-04-2009, 03:53 PM	#32 (permalink)
tony0306 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 317	Coping techniques I use: 1. Excersize (as long as your able to do so safely) a. walking (for a mile or more at a time) I walk my dogs around the block, then drop them off back at home and keep going (old dogs). b. biking (if you have/can afford a bike, optional) c. weight lifting (or other "strenuous" aerobic excersize if you have no weights) 2. Read about, educate yourself, how to overcome SA/depression/etc a. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Bourne b. The book mentioned when you click the "Social Anxiety Disorder" tab at the top of this page. 3. Read other self help books about confidence. a. Complete Confidence by Sheenah Hankin b. See You at the Top by Ziglar (anything by Zig Ziglar is helpful) 4. Meditate/Relaxation Techniques. Over time the effects of these excersizes last longer than just while you're doing it. At first you don't feel much, but over time you feel a calming effect. So, all these things take up time that I would otherwise be feeling lonely. While I'm doing them I believe I'm bettering myself so someday I won't be lonely.

07-04-2009, 04:06 PM	#33 (permalink)
abizboah Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Dublin, Ireland Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 20	Videogames and tv for me, they serve as a good distraction and a nice break from reality. I'm lucky in that I have a partner and some great close friends I can turn to for company but I still feel very isolated at work which is hard when I have nothing much to distract me there.

07-04-2009, 04:13 PM	#34 (permalink)
huh Status: Statistical Anomaly Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: WI Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 1,037	I read or try to learn something new. Or I just take a nap or go to bed early.

07-04-2009, 04:27 PM	#35 (permalink)
Roberto Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 2,723	Some things that work for me sometimes are books with a first person narrative and frequenting public places. Just being around people is good sometimes - but if they try to get close or be my friend I freak out and run away. wtf...

07-04-2009, 05:41 PM	#37 (permalink)
SourD Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 135	Is that what this is? Obviously SA is a very lonely experience, very very lonely. but I've had it for as long as I can remember really. It's always just been part of my life, my personality. But lately... I dunno, I know this sounds cheesy but I've been feeling more and more empty inside. Getting depressed, cynical to the point where I disgust myself. Nothing even matters anymore, basically is how I feel. Wonder if this is my first bout of true SA loneliness? great.

07-05-2009, 05:24 AM	#39 (permalink)
IHeartSteveMcQueen Status: lost in the supermarket Join Date: May 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Posts: 1,405	I write, listen to music, read, watch a movie, go to the gym. getting a pet helps immensely.

07-05-2009, 05:46 AM	#40 (permalink)
fadetoblack72 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 27	Don't you have to be ok being by yourself before you can/should be with someone else? As for the loneliness I usually don't do anything because when I am lonely I just want to be alone. Sounds pretty silly but that's what happens to me.