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Old 11-26-2008, 10:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default How do I stop obsessing over every little thing?

It's driving me crazy! Whenever I talk with someone, I always obsess about the smallest things that give me a headache and stops me from just living. For example: I was at the eye glasses store the other day setting up an appointment for a eye check. I'm making a concious effort to make better eye contact with people because for years I've avoided it and I think I come off badly. So, the lady was explaining something to me and the whole time I was worrying if I was making her nervous, if I looked nervous, or if I was staring too long into her eyes. I'm so focused on things that should be natural that I don't enjoy myself at all. How do can I get over this constant obsessing/worrying? I feel like I'm taking a test everytime I talk with someone. One wrong move and they'll find out my secret. lol Seriously though, I need to get over this and I have no idea how. Can anyone relate with me? How can I work on this problem? If I don't fix this, I fear I'll never be in a happy space in my life.
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Old 11-26-2008, 10:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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There's really no answer for this. Atleast I don't have it. It's just part of how we react to people. I've struggled with the same thing for as long as I can remember. If I make a mistake I can think about it for a week or more even if its just something very minor or maybe not even a mistake to others but just all in my mind. That stuff can keep me up at night. Most recently I gave a presentation and I was just wanting to get it out of the way so I very quickly read a one page essay I wrote and walked back to my seat. It couldn't have been more than 2 minutes, but now I look back and wonder what people thought. I read so fast and didn't take questions. I don't know how it looked to others. I'm sure others forgot about it 10 minutes after, but it's four days later and I can't let it go. Sometimes I don't care at all, and sometimes I just obsess and there's nothing I've found that I can control it.

I would say that being on medication helps to relieve some of it. Try your best to keep yourself occupied too. For me these things seem to suppress the negative thoughts but they're always in the back of my mind.
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Old 11-26-2008, 10:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Honestly, I know how you feel because I am sometimes this way but you have to forget thinking that there is something wrong with you. If you are obsessing over random situations you pretty much need to ask yourself why it's so important to gain this person's approval. You are just there for an eye test, not to attract someone which is another story, I can't help you with that. You could learn to relax in conversation over time if you practice by talking to everybody with the mindset that you aren't seeking their approval with what you say.

Hope that wasn't too generic, but I tried to help, not just empathize..
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Old 11-26-2008, 11:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deadhero22 View Post
It's driving me crazy! Whenever I talk with someone, I always obsess about the smallest things that give me a headache and stops me from just living. For example: I was at the eye glasses store the other day setting up an appointment for a eye check. I'm making a concious effort to make better eye contact with people because for years I've avoided it and I think I come off badly. So, the lady was explaining something to me and the whole time I was worrying if I was making her nervous, if I looked nervous, or if I was staring too long into her eyes. I'm so focused on things that should be natural that I don't enjoy myself at all. How do can I get over this constant obsessing/worrying? I feel like I'm taking a test everytime I talk with someone. One wrong move and they'll find out my secret. lol Seriously though, I need to get over this and I have no idea how. Can anyone relate with me? How can I work on this problem? If I don't fix this, I fear I'll never be in a happy space in my life.
Well I believe there is an answer to this. Look at what you are doing - worrying about how you are performing, worrying about are you looking anxious, worrying about are you making her anxious. How can you be confident and not anxious when you have all these worries going through your mind? You need to take a step back and look at these worries/fears you have and realise you are dwelling/obsessing/focusing on things that matter nothing. i.e. why are you worried if you look anxious? So what? What does it mean? Is it really something to be ashamed of? If you saw someone anxious do you think bad things of them? No, because it means nothing. Why are you worrying about how you are performing? What is there to worry about or be self conscious about? What can anyone possibly think bad of you for how you are communicating with them?
Obviously to no longer be hurt or bothered by these things any more will take a bit of work and for you to get your head around these beliefs and worries you have.
If you are to overcome this then these worries/fears have to be sorted out so that they no longer trigger anxiety. You have to no longer worry or be bothered about what people may think of you for being anxious or how you are performing because you will realise it matters nothing and nothing to be afraid of. You are worrying and dwelling on things that matter nothing.
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Old 11-26-2008, 11:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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The first thing is to separate or prioritize what is really worth worrying about. That can be a threshold you can work toward. Anything above it is okay to worry about; anything below needs to flow out of the mind the way it flowed in.

There's more to it, like training, but the first part is like setting a threshold.
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