Hello, first of all i apologize in advance for the possible english mistakes i could make !
I have severe anxiety for a long time, very introverted, not had a friend since left college. But only recently has it become very disabling.
I can no longer keep it inside me, my face turn red, i have a frighten face, heart is pounding out of my chest and worst case, i can't breathe... and on top of that, i have a slight ******* resting face.
This happens only when i'm in a social situation, when i'm talking to people, happens almost 100% of the time.
I have now become a complete recluse. Havent worked for 2 years and living on welfare.
Now i also feel anxiety even when there's nobody around me, like just watching tv, cooking or reading stuff on the internet.
I'm very afraid of talking to a professional, but i have seen a doctor who prescribed me drugs for depression and anxiety. They weren't very strong, they did nothing but making me sleep all day... So i stopped.
I have looked for work (work in IT), but i can't explain the 2 years gap in my resume. The interviews are disastrous, the anxiety always kick in and i look like a crazy person.
So now i just stay at home, where i feel the most safe but my brain keeps reminding me every hour that the more i do nothing, the less likely i will get out of this nightmare.
So i go back looking for a solution, THEN i remember how scary and humiliating it will be and, it's a neverending cycle...
Welcome to life with SA. It comes down to staying home and keep sa levels low or go out and have raised anxiety reduce control of yourself. If you end up doing the latter consistently then some physiological miracle happened to you and I hope personally it wasn't drugs, but please share what it was it might help me and someone else. Have you considered working from home?
Of course i have considered working from home but what kind of work ? I'm guessing you'd need special qualifications to be able to live off a job u can do at home ?
Maybe you can be a freelancer, you said you wanted to get a job in the IT field so you might be good in programming and there is always a need for that.
Actually 2 years ago i started to learn programming by myself, not an easy thing to do, I lost motivation after 1 month... Then i tried a professional training (it's free where i live), but the anxiety from being around all the other trainees all day was unbearable, so i left after a week.
Thought about online course too, but it costs money and i'm afraid i'm going to fail and waste all that money. Well actually i'm sure i'm not going to succeed so.
Before you consider working from home and all that, I'd seriously recommending considering professional help. Being forced by anxiety into becoming a recluse is something worth tackling, not trying to get around.
Btw i notice these interviewers considered you ahead of everything else applying, DESPITE the 2 year gap. They could've just thrown your CV in the bin but they didn't. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah i know, i dont actually think this is as a serious solution to my problem.
About my CV, i just really worked a lot on the look, the presentation, etc, using photoshop and indesign. I try my best to sound normal on the phone and get an interview. All that is destroyed in a split second when i start turning red, sweating and looking like i just got assaulted or something...
I have a hard time trusting the professionals, i can't help but thinking they don't care about me, they just want my money.
I agree with Macky. You were given interview opportunities despite your gap. I would suggest looking on this forum and online for ways people have explained such gaps in their history and try not to consider it as a deal-breaker to employers. Some employers will be turned off by it, that's true, but there will be plenty who will be understanding. In those cases you just need to show that you're plenty capable to do the job and that there are many good reasons to hire you. I recently got a job without working for several years, something I seriously didn't think would ever happen. So there is hope.
Have you ever tried self-help books? There are plenty of resources out there. That route doesn't seem to work for everyone but sometimes you can find good coping mechanisms at the very least. The Social Anxiety Workbook and Mind Over Mood are two helpful titles I've seen people reference a lot.
I dont know about the books... I don't see how reading books will help me get out of my fear of social interactions.
I mean i understand what i have to do, i've been all over the web reading the same things over and over again. Step-by-step to make friends, guide to small talk, How To Human... But my brain and my body just goes haywire everytime i'm get to those situations.
I wish I had like, a sure fire way of getting over social anxiety but unfortunately there doesn't appear to be a way of completely getting rid of it. So we just have to find ways of coping. Are there some examples of social interaction that are somewhat intimidating but may be doable? You could try to work on small things and then just practice until you become comfortable. Ask strangers for directions or for the time. I used to be uncomfortable talking on the phone but after months of doing it, it became easier. I no longer stammered or went completely blank while on the phone with strangers. It helps to sort of accept that you may not show much improvement at first, that things may go wrong or something unexpected may happen but keep working on it anyway. Go ask someone for directions. If they ignore you, just go up to someone else. If you feel yourself turning red or something, just take a deep breath and try again. If someone is rude or anything then just move on. I find that what helps me sometimes is telling myself I never have to talk to or see this person again, so who cares what they may be thinking of me? I believe accomplishing small tasks will help you move on to larger ones. The trick is starting slow and going at your own pace. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
I'm not a huge fan of books, either, because they don't completely get rid of anxiety through just reading. But I usually at least find a trick or other piece of helpful information.
This is just my opinion and each person is different. It can be tricky to find something that works for you but I hope you will find something. Good luck.
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