How can I control my life from my parents? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 10-18-2009, 11:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
Pikangie's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Daly City, California
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Posts: 3



Default How can I control my life from my parents?

Hello. I am 20 years old this year, and I feel that my parents aren't letting me become independent at all. They are always telling me how I should get a job and sign up for college classes, yet they won't allow me to know my own social security number or bank account information. Previously, I had worked at the Disney Store as a paid internship job for high school. I wasn't allowed to use any of my own money.

It's been affecting my desire to ever leave the house and actually do things. I feel like I'm becoming more of a Hikikomori than I was in middle school.

The only current income I have right now is the money my parents SOMETIMES give me for lunch, when I go to my Jobs Club meetings at the local college campus(which, due to the lack of any ability to use my money for my own recreational wants, I've been hoarding it all and saving up for entertainment, which I spend about $10 a month).
I have also been earning quite a bit of money from a metaverse, where I will make custom 3D avatars/stuff, and sell them for in-game currency which can be exchanged into USD(So far I've earned at least $500 in the last year from this, but it's been declining in sales due to loss of interest in making new things, therefore it's not a reliable source of income).

Because of this, however, I am forced to share a paypal account with my friend(I have no problem with it, and trust him more than anyone, but sometimes it becomes troublesome if I want to buy something right away, and he's not online to do it). The reason I have to share an account in the first place is because when I had originally signed up for Paypal, and deposited $100 that I had earned from the metaverse sales, they LOCKED my account(now I cannot send/receive/withdraw money, or even close my account). The only way to get my money out is to give them my bank info, social security number, and other things, which again, I do not have access to. Therefore, until I have control over my money, I have wasted $100.

I've talked with my friends about this, and sometimes they mention that I am supposed to have rights over these matters, since I am an adult now, but I just can't find a good way to do it. I feel that if I were to approach my parents and suddenly talk against their ways, they'd yell at me or something.
Because of how they punished me when I was a child(for throwing tantrums and such). I'd be kicked or striked and yelled at as a kid. This hasn't happened since I was about 10, but I have a terrible phobia of loud sudden noises, so I have an irrational fear of this ever happening again.

On another note, I am also extremely "shy", and do not feel I can gather the courage to simply visit a bank and ask about my own account. Especially knowing that they will probably ask for my SSN, bank account info, and other things I do not know about... Plus I can bet that even if they provided support for new bank users, they'd brand me as simply "abnormally shy", or "too rude to respond properly". I hate when people think I'm rude because I talk so quietly/stutter...

Any help would be appreciated... sorry if I typed too much.

Thanks.
Pikangie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 12:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
UltraShy's Avatar
 
Status: Surrounded by Sadness
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Milwaukee, WI (BDSM sadist, Libertarian)
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Posts: 30,911



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikangie View Post
...they won't allow me to know my own social security number or bank account information. Previously, I had worked at the Disney Store as a paid internship job for high school. I wasn't allowed to use any of my own money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikangie View Post
...On another note, I am also extremely "shy", and do not feel I can gather the courage to simply visit a bank and ask about my own account.
I'm not sure what to say. My suggestion would have been to simply go to the bank and request your account information, which I assume they'd give you if you provided ID (drivers license, state ID card, etc).

Last week I took my mother to a local Chase branch to open a checking account to earn her a $125 bonus and they were falling all over us. The branch manager, who barely looked old enough to buy beer, came over to warmly greet us. Upon seeing that I have a couple business credit cards with Chase they sent over the guy who handles business banking to see if he could get my business banking (I'm the CEO of KJS Asset Management, a totally fictitious firm). They really treat one like a king when they put "Dr." in front of their name and run their own investment management business. If you're wondering how I ended up so involved in her account it was because we were registering it with me as her agent (power of attorney).

They asked to see both a state ID and credit card. Even when my mother presented them with a Chase Freedom Card, the banker still talked us into a second Chase Freedom Card that will pay her $50 after her first purchase. Banks are indeed odd handing out multiples of the same card.

Well, back to you. Do you know where your parents keep copies of their tax returns? Either they're declaring you a dependent on their return (which means they have to include your SS# on it) and/or they are filing a return on your behalf which would also include your SS#. Snooping could well find you the information you desire if they ever leave you alone to provide time for this activity.

Bank statements (at least checking accounts) come every month. Can you intercept the mail?
__________________
I wonder what reason I have to live
Desperately I have searched for a meaning
Is it now time for me to let go of the world
UltraShy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 12:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
CosmicNeurotica's Avatar
 
Status: Drinking
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Dallas
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 370



Default

Why in the world would your parents keep YOUR social security number and other private info related to you to themselves?
Ask them that, and then tell them you'll call the cops because that's illegal.
__________________
I am a part of all that I have met
CosmicNeurotica is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 12:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
Tau Sin's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 192



Default

I couldn't help but notice that you did not mention anything about approaching your parents directly about these issues. You should just have a nice serious sit down with them and explain everything thoroughly and calmly. If that doesn't work then follow Ultrashy's advise on tax return information etc etc.

Also I would suggest you look into the way your parents punished you when you were a kid. Sometimes what parents believe to be a proper punishment is in reality abuse...

Tau Sin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 12:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
Pikangie's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Daly City, California
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Posts: 3



Default

If I could, I would do legal action... but with my social anxiety, and fear of being left out of my family for doing such a thing... I don't know if I can. Even though it feels like all of my relatives have given up hope of me ever becoming "normal" again, I would hate to see everyone glare at me when they see me(with an Asian family, it's even harder than "traditional" American families), especially since I still depend on my parents for food and home and everything, they'll probably threaten me about sending me to a military camp like they did when I was in middle school... I dont think I have any way of snooping through mail. I have no idea where they keep their things.

PS: I had made several attempts to ask my father for my SSN, but he just won't trust me. He thinks I'll just spend it all on gaming stuff. Heck, I don't even BUY anything for gaming, since the games I play are dang FREE, and don't need any kind of monthly fees(besides an internet connection and electricity, of course).

In fact, I myself am quite a miser, and would rather live in a small one-room house and be able to afford more functional things, as opposed to spending it all on a huge mansion and tons of luxury stuff...
Pikangie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 12:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
CosmicNeurotica's Avatar
 
Status: Drinking
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Dallas
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 370



Default

It doesn't sound like your parents are giving you a chance to trust you. Why don't they set up a joint account, where both of you can freely have access to the account. Then if you go crazy, they can shut it off.
They sound a bit over-protective.
The only advice I can really give you is to not be afraid. As Tau Sin said, calmly discuss the matter with them. Let them know it's not right and ask them to give you a chance to trust you.
Your SS# is yours though. It's illegal to withhold that information. If they know it that's fine, but not telling you what it is is something different.
__________________
I am a part of all that I have met
CosmicNeurotica is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 12:46 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
Tau Sin's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 192



Default

Hmm... quite the conundrum, but I can relate a bit because I was raised in an Asian household as well. It can be quite annoying since you have to internalize aspects of both cultures within your house and outside of it. Within this process one can be kind of lost when it comes to their self identity. I know I struggled with it for awhile and have often been kind of embarrassed by having my folks around out in certain situations.

My solution growing up through adolescence was ignoring my parents by listening to music, watching Anime, isolating myself, and playing Diablo 2.

Tau Sin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 01:50 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 455



Default

Your parents are crazy. I feel sorry for you. I suggest you try really hard to confront your parents about it and ask them why they don't trust you with this information. Also you need your SSN to get a job. Don't they know that? Every application I have filled out asked for my SSN. Ask them how they expect you to get a job without a SSN? Also most jobs have direct deposit and you need your bank account information to set that up, so tell them that also. And how would you spend money if he gave you your SSN? That doesn't make sense, your SSN doesn't have any money attached to it.

If I were in your situation I would do one of these things:
1.) Confront your parents about it and convince them to give you this info.
2.) Try to steal it from them, steal the mail or something.
3.) Call the police or some authority.
4.) I think you can go the the DMV or somewhere and get a copy of your SSN.
5.) Run away.

What you might try to do is install a keylogger on your computer and get their passwords to the bank accounts. This is if they do online banking.

If you still can't convince your parent's to give you this info then what I would most likely do is figure out a way to find out my SSN, either by going behind their back or contacting the DMV or something, then I would set up my own bank account.

Do you have a drivers license? Do they at least trust you with that?
lde22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 02:52 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
Pikangie's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Daly City, California
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Posts: 3



Default

I do not have a credit card or driver's liscence, but I do remember getting my state ID from the DMV... but I have no idea where it is, or how to get there via public transportation. I suppose I should look up location info later.

Thank you everyone.

PS: Yeah, I've been living on the internet ever since 5th grade. I suppose it's not exactly the healthiest thing to do, but it's one of the only ways for me to have fun and socialize these days.
Pikangie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2009, 08:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
Paper Samurai's Avatar
 
Status: Optimism Prime~
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,625



Default

The only real way your going to get results here - without incurring the wrath of pissed parents at a later date is to talk to them about it. You've got to be calm and collected though, anger and negativity will get you no where in a discussion - particularly one's where you and not the other party have something to lose.

I would organise a general meeting with the folks if I were you and try to make it as informal as possible. First of all thank them for their 'diligence' in keeping your money safe; I'm sure they meant well by it, and seeing things from their point of view will hopefully make them realise you're attempting to be reasonable about the situation - which hoepfully will be reciprocated. You mentioned colleage in an earlier post, reason that this as well as now being an adult is reason enough to have some control over your own finances. If need be make concessions; ask what would it take for even some control.

Hope this helps.
__________________
Sweet is sleep to me and even more to be of stone,
While the wrong and shame endure. To be without
sight or sense is a most happy change for me,
therefore do not rouse me. Hush! Speak low.





Paper Samurai is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ever feel like blaming your parents for having a bad social life? Grixxly Teens 65 08-08-2011 08:49 PM
How much control do you feel like you have over your life? Gena320 Voting Booth 3 01-28-2008 02:55 PM
Life spiraling out of control twistedsister Frustration 7 06-06-2007 10:11 AM
finally getting some control over my life blackrose Triumphs Over Social Anxiety 5 12-09-2006 09:03 PM
My stupid life, my parents, and a vist to the state farm. :( ShyandmoreShy Students 0 08-20-2006 01:32 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:15 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.