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Old 12-07-2009, 07:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Help....feel like I'm going to lose my job

I've never really been able to keep a job longer than a few months...but i've never really needed a job before either. I graduated college with an engineering degree in May. Afterwards I got a job at a small company as a software engineer. I have been here about 5-6 months now.

I've had some good times here, some bad times. I have contributed a good deal. I did some business traveling, gave a presentation to a customer, wrote a lot of code.

But I also have not really been very talkative and haven't really made any friendships. For example, this morning I'm sitting at my desk and there is one other guy in my area. 3 people have walked by us and said "hi" to the other guy, but no one has said anything to me.

I feel like I am not really fitting in here and am worried I'm going to lose my job for appearing aloof and awkward.

What can I do?
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Tell a doctor that social anxiety is interfering with your ability to earn a living and go on medication. Also take a cognitive behaviour course.
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Not interested in medication. I might end up trying some CBT though...
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by EndTheFed View Post
Not interested in medication. I might end up trying some CBT though...

If I were you, I would definitly get some form of meds, maybe ativan or something if you REALLY feel your job is at stake.

I'm anti-meds to, but am on the at the same time. Infact before getting on meds, when I refusing to ever taked them, things were much worse for me. after I finally gave in things got a bit better.

The good thing about meds that I feel are most important to people with SA(or at least myself) is you DON'T have to take them everyday(refferring to benzos) you don't have to give them a week to kick in, but whenever you feel like it, you can take a pill and 20 mins to an hour later(depending on which med it is) you become a complete socialite.

Other than that I don't really know what else to say. Being paranoid goes hand in hand with SA too(for me) maybe its not as bad as you think.

Either way, good luck and hope things work out. I understand the condition and the way the wheels of society spin to people like us, its just not fair.

(off-topic)Love you handle by the way. "endthefed"... I learned about those issues with the fed, banking families ect. more than 3 years ago... I'm AMAZED at how low the general public's awareness to this issue still is today, three years later.
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Sometimes I think (as UpsAndDowns said) that I am just being paranoid and exaggerating this in my mind. The whole time I've been working here I've been worried about getting fired for not being social and outgoing enough, yet it's 6 months later and I still have a job here. A couple times a boss and a coworker (separately) told me I'm doing a really good job and there glad I'm here....but this was about 2-3 months ago and I haven't really got any compliments like that since then.

I certainly am no social butterfly, but maybe I am making this a bigger deal than it really is. It's hard for me to know for sure...
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:07 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Sometimes I think (as UpsAndDowns said) that I am just being paranoid and exaggerating this in my mind. The whole time I've been working here I've been worried about getting fired for not being social and outgoing enough, yet it's 6 months later and I still have a job here. A couple times a boss and a coworker (separately) told me I'm doing a really good job and there glad I'm here....but this was about 2-3 months ago and I haven't really got any compliments like that since then.

I certainly am no social butterfly, but maybe I am making this a bigger deal than it really is. It's hard for me to know for sure...
Well dude, no1 know more than you whether or not this is a big deal, or maybe just a simple little complexe addition to the same symptoms I have.

First off, thanks for responding to my post about relationships, the reason I'm so curious, is because as someone with SA, that is so rare, I can't simply turn my head and talk to anyone I know outside the realm of the internet what dating and SA are like, so I really appreciate your response.

But, I do alot of odd practices in spirituality, has nothing to do with religion. And I have learned that the mind, in most cases, with EVERY human being on earth(SA or not) is like a suicide bomber on auto pilot. The mind, not me, not you and not us is the root of all evil(if thats what you want to call it).

It runs like a computer, subconciously using the past(which holds no bearing whatsoever) to evaluate the present. Going even further to even struggle to evaluate the future. You have to look at it this way, not because I said so, but because it's true.

All minds are conditioned, in some form or the other. So what does the mind(which is not you by the way) that has developed SA tell you is going to happen? Its a mind that has suffered, and more than any mind normally should.

So what are you hearing? Its not schizophrenia, although it may sound like it. What is your mind(again, not you) saying. It's coming up with all the negativness it has experienced. Just like a computer, the mind works that way. Gathering information and trying to predict present and future outcomes based off that information. But because of your mind(and mine and every1 else w/SA) it has suffered. You have not suffered one bit, because all you can precieve is the existence of the present, the mind is what stores up the suffering and the pain. And when thought wanders off into a now and tommorrow, it reflects what it believes will happen based on the pain it has experiences.

Everyone has a mind. They call it "my mind" just as you have just done. But no1 seems to realize its opposite of what is going on upstairs. What your experiencing right now, is the situation of the Mind's you. your not in control, the memory bank, data storage... the mind, its in control, your the vessal it is projecting through. Thats the truth of SA. I have found back doors/ways around to gain back control, but it isn't easy to find and it isn't easy to maintain.

Basically, your mind is most likely running wild, and your percieving its thoughts as your own. Because every mind, even the most healthy of them, is a paranoid mind.

If you ask me,(not my mind) it sounds like your doing fine. The company you work for, just like any comapny, doesn't care whats going on in your head. They care about resaults and from what you have been saying it sounds like you have been providing that.

I got alot of issues too... you have read some of them already. And its hard for people to confront their own issues. You tell me I'm passing up good things in the dating scene and your probobly right.

And Im telling you that I really don't think you should be worrying, or in other words: you shouldn't let your mind worry you... and I'm probobly right.(fingers crossed)

I think your giving this whole issue too much power, right now your working, have been for six months but instead of taking into consideration that you HAVE been complimented on your work, you, in reality are doing well, while in the certain false aspects of conciousness, your mind is leading you towards a more negative path.

Sounds to me like your waiting for another compliment of assurance? I know I do that and from alot of study that many people with SA do that.

I honestly think your fine. I don't live in your world, but to me, sounds like your simply giving your conditioned mind(the one that has suffered and so seeks MORE suffereing) way to much power, whether you get fired or not... it doesn't matter right now.

Just because you haven't gotten assurance that you AREN'T getting fired, doesn't mean you will.
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Smile more and speak to the people first. Make it a habit
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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you sound like my twin! except a big difference with me is that I don't feel like all the work I am doing is being acknowledged, due to the nature of my job a lot of what I do is not seen directly by my supervisor (e.g. it involves coordinating things between many different people at different locations at once, so each person only sees a tiny bit of the overall whole that I do. Actually, it's a very thankless job, much like being a receptionist). Plus I am isolated office-wise, which doesn't help. I don't really know what to do- I don't expect to lose my job thankfully as it's only a mat leave position, but I feel like for all the work I've done I'm not going to get any good references out of it or advancement potential because I'm not that social and no one sees, or acknowledges, what I do - a double whammy of crappiness if I do say so.

But i digress..you're probably doing better than you think. I had the same prob at my last job where people would walk by and say hi to the person right next to me, but not to me. It hurt my feelings, and I knew it was probably because I had been too shy a couple times to say hi to them so they thought I was snobbish or what not. Just start saying hi to them if you can even if you think it's too late you've already made a bad impression, people will probably forget that you didn't before! And if they still don't say hi back those aren't really people you should care about anyways (or maybe they have SA like us?)
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Old 12-07-2009, 07:58 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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EndTheFed, I'm in a very similar situation. I'm at my second job since graduating from college about a year ago. I looked at both jobs as an opportunity to start over and to not be the quiet guy, but I just find myself back in the same situation over and over again. I've started reading about CBT in hope that it might be the answer. I refuse to take medication, and after about six months of going to therapy without any real results I finally stopped going, although I am starting to look for a new psychiatrist.

I wouldn't be to worried about work. It sounds like you're doing a good job and no matter how paranoid you may be, no one is going to fire you for being quiet. And even though it doesn't seem like much, following NicoShy's advice of just saying hi to coworkers might make more of an impression on people than you think.

(By the way, I like your screen name)
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I really identify with this post as it's something I deal with daily at work. No one really wants to talk with me.

I believe it's mostly because I don't seem very approachable to other people. I keep to myself and hardly share anything about me with others at work. I'm so afraid of saying something stupid that I don't talk very much. I am very aloof and keep conversations as brief as possible. It's easier for me. Conversations scare me.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Giving people compliments always helps.

They don't have to be huge compliments, but just tell people that they have a nice hair color or you like something about them, or compliment something they own. Even though you might not be friends with anyone just through compliments, they will get the message you are a nice person.

Also just try to carry yourself with an attitude that gives off a very happy and nice vibe, seeming approachable to other people can really make a difference.
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Old 12-07-2009, 09:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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You probably sit there thinking why doesnt anyone say hello to me and everyone walking past thinks why doesnt this guy say hello to anyone. So no one says hello.

Once you say hello to a few people regularly they will begin to say hello first.

I had the same problem, I was hating my job and started to shut people out at work. Avoided conversations and made myself unaproachable. I work in support, so that was a pretty big problem. My boss gave me the you need to pick up your game talk. And I did, I had to. The more you give the more you will get in return.
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Old 12-08-2009, 09:30 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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It's very difficult to change your ways socially, so the best you can do is compensate for it by excelling in other areas of your job.

I made myself the most reliable person on my team. I like to think I was more reliable than a clock. I showed up to work everyday and hardly ever took time off, unlike my co-workers who missed days all the time for one thing or another.

I always showed up 10 minutes early to work, while my co-workers quite often came walking in 5-10 minutes late.

I was pro-active. When work was assigned to the team, I always had my part of it done before anyone else.


Unfortunately for me, the company had layoffs and I was cut, while my under-performing co-workers were kept on. So in the end, office politics won out over actual performance. But had I not done the above things, I very well could have been fired after a few months on the job, who knows.
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