Sometimes I think (as UpsAndDowns said) that I am just being paranoid and exaggerating this in my mind. The whole time I've been working here I've been worried about getting fired for not being social and outgoing enough, yet it's 6 months later and I still have a job here. A couple times a boss and a coworker (separately) told me I'm doing a really good job and there glad I'm here....but this was about 2-3 months ago and I haven't really got any compliments like that since then.
I certainly am no social butterfly, but maybe I am making this a bigger deal than it really is. It's hard for me to know for sure...
Well dude, no1 know more than you whether or not this is a big deal, or maybe just a simple little complexe addition to the same symptoms I have.
First off, thanks for responding to my post about relationships, the reason I'm so curious, is because as someone with SA, that is so rare, I can't simply turn my head and talk to anyone I know outside the realm of the internet what dating and SA are like, so I really appreciate your response.
But, I do alot of odd practices in spirituality, has nothing to do with religion. And I have learned that the mind, in most cases, with EVERY human being on earth(SA or not) is like a suicide bomber on auto pilot. The mind, not me, not you and not us is the root of all evil(if thats what you want to call it).
It runs like a computer, subconciously using the past(which holds no bearing whatsoever) to evaluate the present. Going even further to even struggle to evaluate the future. You have to look at it this way, not because I said so, but because it's true.
All minds are conditioned, in some form or the other. So what does the mind(which is not you by the way) that has developed SA tell you is going to happen? Its a mind that has suffered, and more than any mind normally should.
So what are you hearing? Its not schizophrenia, although it may sound like it. What is your mind(again, not you) saying. It's coming up with all the negativness it has experienced. Just like a computer, the mind works that way. Gathering information and trying to predict present and future outcomes based off that information. But because of your mind(and mine and every1 else w/SA) it has suffered. You have not suffered one bit, because all you can precieve is the existence of the present, the mind is what stores up the suffering and the pain. And when thought wanders off into a now and tommorrow, it reflects what it believes will happen based on the pain it has experiences.
Everyone has a mind. They call it "my mind" just as you have just done. But no1 seems to realize its opposite of what is going on upstairs. What your experiencing right now, is the situation of the Mind's you. your not in control, the memory bank, data storage... the mind, its in control, your the vessal it is projecting through. Thats the truth of SA. I have found back doors/ways around to gain back control, but it isn't easy to find and it isn't easy to maintain.
Basically, your mind is most likely running wild, and your percieving its thoughts as your own. Because every mind, even the most healthy of them, is a paranoid mind.
If you ask me,(not my mind) it sounds like your doing fine. The company you work for, just like any comapny, doesn't care whats going on in your head. They care about resaults and from what you have been saying it sounds like you have been providing that.
I got alot of issues too... you have read some of them already. And its hard for people to confront their own issues. You tell me I'm passing up good things in the dating scene and your probobly right.
And Im telling you that I really don't think you should be worrying, or in other words: you shouldn't let your
mind worry you
... and I'm probobly right.(fingers crossed)
I think your giving this whole issue too much power, right now your working, have been for six months but instead of taking into consideration that you HAVE been complimented on your work, you, in reality are doing well, while in the certain false aspects of conciousness, your mind is leading you towards a more negative path.
Sounds to me like your waiting for another compliment of assurance? I know I do that and from alot of study that many people with SA do that.
I honestly think your fine. I don't live in your world, but to me, sounds like your simply giving your conditioned mind(the one that has suffered and so seeks MORE suffereing) way to much power, whether you get fired or not... it doesn't matter right now.
Just because you haven't
gotten assurance that you AREN'T getting fired, doesn't mean you will.