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Old 03-24-2008, 08:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

Have you ever felt like you didn't exist? I am not referring to physical existence but existence on the level of actually being a "person" with a unique personality, relationships, friends, family, etc.

Sometimes I feel as if I am not an actual "person". Inside I am empty and I don't have much of an ego anymore. I am in a constant state of repressing my desires, needs, and wants because I don't feel that I am actual person. It feels as if I only exist to eat, sleep and perform other functions that are necessary for survival. Occasionally I use my imagination to build my own fantasy where I can shield myself from the cruel world.

I spend most of my time being an observer in life rather than a participant. Friends, relationships, ambitions, and goals are not factors in my life. These factors are not apart of my reality and I see them as only being factors that I can observe in others.

I get my ideal of what it means to be an actual person from others. When I compare myself to others I see drastic differences so I am left to question who am I exactly?

My life seems so meaningless at times. I feel no need to participate in this civilized society. My whole thought process is different from other individuals and no one can relate to me. Sometimes I fear that others will hate me for being different so I try to hide away as much as possible.

I do have my likes and dislikes. One of the things I like doing very much is being outside and looking at the sky, trees, people, and cars. At times I become so fixated on these things that it reminds me of just how far away my mind is in relation to the minds of other individuals. But I can't deny some of the things I enjoy because it is what makes me who I am. When I look back on my life I see the faces of people, images of buildings, trees, and skies because those are the only things that were important to me. It seems as if the majority of existence has been about my ability to simply percieve the world around me through seeing, hearing, tasting, and feeling. Outside of those basic perceptions I have nothing and at times that can make me severely depressed.

Can anyone relate?
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Old 03-24-2008, 09:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

Yeah, I get that way sometimes when I'm very depressed; I don't even feel human, just some sort of empty shell that has to keep on going for some reason. I guess the main question is how often do you feel like that? Cause I spent the majority of last year feeling that way, and it caused a lot of mental and emotional damage which I still feel the effects of. Being that it seems to affect you a lot when it happens, you might want to consider getting some help, if possible.
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Old 03-24-2008, 09:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

I can relate to feeling like you don't exist as a person and have no reason to be here. And the emptiness and feeling like you have nothing. I don't know why I feel that way, but it depresses me too.
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Old 03-24-2008, 09:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

I know what you mean, I slowly started to get like this when I started to get depressed, now it's pretty much a constant thing for me. I describe it more as feeling completely dead even though you are technically alive. Once in a blue moon I snap out of it for just a few seconds and actually feel life, and it's such a great feeling when I get it since I never have it, I just wish it'd stay. I pretty much feel like a robot, just going through the motions like I'm supposed to, but I have no personality, no feelings other than fear and pain.
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Old 03-25-2008, 01:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

I exist. It's almost all I do. What I don't do is live.
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Old 03-25-2008, 09:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

Me, too. I feel like an empty shell waiting for an eternity to become magically filled somehow with the desire to engage with life...waiting for others to reanimate me by making me feel deeply important and valuable to them. I don't feel I'm enough all by myself and sometimes get angry at how "normal" people are so slow to realize my distress. People get acclimated to people with SA and don't bother trying to help them rejoin the "real world." Too much work I guess.

The "New Thought" movement has helped me cope somewhat, the idea that the world is just a huge drama and we are all actors going around following our scripts for the roles we decided to play before we incarnated here. That we came from a place of infinite perfection (the "spirit world") and decided to play with imperfection on planet Earth (the "material world") for the fun of it. That life is like a total immersion movie experience where you have to suspend your disbelief to make it work. And negative emotional states serve that purpose to keep you stuck in it.
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Old 03-25-2008, 06:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

I've described myself as being a walking corpse. It's not that I don't have a life. It's just that I feel like the person I used to be died a long time ago. So it's like I exist but only through shallow means. There are certain things I know I will never experience. In a way that makes me feel a little less human.

Despite all of this, I don't feel like my life is meaningless. I have a purpose. Took me 10 years to figure it out but I found it. My purpose makes me happy.
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Old 03-29-2008, 12:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

Very much so.

Every now and then I think to myself who would attend my funeral, if I were to die this instant, and I can't think of more than a few people outside of my family. I can just erase myself from this world and nobody would really notice or care.
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Old 03-29-2008, 12:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

I can relate to what everyone is saying here.. I'm not gonna restate what they said because they pretty much just said everything that goes through my mind.

to everyone =
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:04 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JMX
Every now and then I think to myself who would attend my funeral, if I were to die this instant, and I can't think of more than a few people outside of my family. I can just erase myself from this world and nobody would really notice or care.
Not am I only sure I'd not have people com to the funeral, if i died this summer I'm sure my family is the olnly one that would even notice I was dead.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:17 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

Sometimes I feel like more of a freak of nature or something different rather than human. It's just cuz this damn SA deprived me of humanly experiences. Underneath it all I think I'm human. Just a human messed up by a disorder lol.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:23 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

This may be off-topic, but yesterday i read about a woman who is somewhat autistic.
She wasn't aware of this for all her life until she was asked to research autism at her work.

That's probably all i wanted to say...
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Old 04-02-2008, 02:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Have you ever felt that you don't exist?

I get what your saying. My SA went away when I went from not existing around people to doing so. Before that I was an act. And that is pointless. Now I am real.
(The indivisible soul ftw).
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