Social Anxiety Support

whozthatgyrl · 05-26-2009, 09:50 PM

I've never been asked by friends or family if I was gay or not.

However, I do have this fear that because I'm 38, haven't been married, and don't have kids, and pretty much all of my cousins around my age have done some of the above....I'm sure that rumor is floating around.

OptimisticPlatypus · 05-26-2009, 10:08 PM

This is just one of a plethora of SA pitfalls. I am straight and lived a pretty upscale high school life, dating the cool, hot girls and captaining a few sports teams. Ahh, it was the life. Enter SA. I've been single for over four years now save a few flings but nothing close to serious. Of course, now, as my social life peels like an onion, I often get the "You gay dude?" The problem is that SA proliferates the very traits that are stereotyped as "gay." Sensitive, quiet, creative, and otherwise atypical. This is especially difficult as a male in an intensely hypermasculine society. Can you not be caring and straight? Can you not write short stories and poetry and advocate for the liberation of Darfur refugees without having homosexual tendencies. If this is so then I take it a compliment when asked "Are you gay?" These are qualities where qualities are few, or misconstrued, and I can live with that.

joejoe · 05-27-2009, 12:33 AM

part of the reason I've escaped from most of my friends because I was tired of the accusations. in my instance I couldn't perform so I've been hiding for almost 10 years. doesn't seem to matter that you had a sexually active lifestyle with gf's in the past, a few years without one and you're deemed gay. its unfair, and has hurtful consequences with underlying comments, social gossip, social events.

i'm hypersensitive to it right now. even when I would say no in a calm manner to questions, after 10 years of it, I wanted to punch them. it really took its toll. you're not the only one dude.

euphoria · 05-27-2009, 01:54 AM

Lots of people thought I was gay at times because I have a low sex drive (part of schizoid personality disorder). Girls always think I am oblivious to their emotions, which I'm not, it's just I don't particularly care. Thankfully this changes when I am on drugs.

Olazet91 · 05-27-2009, 03:16 PM

This guy once asked me if I was gay cos I never dated or been in a relationship but really, how does that validate gayness? If I was going out with or flirting with people of the same sex then yeah, I could see why people might think I'm gay. I just think it's interesting how people assume that someone must be gay if they don't date or never been involved with anyone.

dawntoearth · 05-27-2009, 03:32 PM

It's happened to me when I was young. I tend to feel more comfortable when I'm with one person as opposed to a group, and with girls as opposed to guys. But I actually came out a couple years ago so...it could be that

Meee · 05-27-2009, 03:35 PM

Quote:

This guy once asked me if I was gay cos I never dated or been in a relationship but really, how does that validate gayness?

Because they're assuming that the reason you haven't had a relationship is because you're still 'in the closet' and hiding it from people.

Traci · 05-27-2009, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Some Russian Guy

Gays are a complete opposite to that. A classic example is mr. slave from south park.

Hey, hey let's not generalize.

Cerrada · 05-27-2009, 08:59 PM

My best friend and I used to hang out and have sleepovers a lot. Our parents thought we were lesbians. Her mom banned me from sleeping over at their house once because she walked in on me sleeping in my friend's bed. (The only reason I did is because I was afraid to sleep in their guest room because one time I slept over and overheard her mom and her husband going at it lol) Even after I got a boyfriend everyone still thought that we were gay. Even my own boyfriend (ex now).

But my grandma thought I was a lesbian because I never have a boyfriend and I'm always hanging around girls....and they never have boyfriends either. It's not my fault I'm lame. :/

Gotanonymous · 05-27-2009, 11:25 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my whole family and everyone at work thinks I'm gay. I don't like that.. I am kind of gay, but I'm not attracted to outspoken gays, so I don't want to attract them by being outspoken myself

. In other words, I don't want to label myself "gay," but I'm not really straight enough to fool anyone by acting like "one of the guys". Basically, if I was an outspoken gay, I would turn down every gay guy who made moves on me, to the point that people would start asking "Are you even really gay?" It's better like it is now, where no one tries to make moves

..

I would prefer gays who were still "in the closet"..

poisonedspirit · 05-28-2009, 07:13 AM

People teased me about being gay at work. To be honest I didn't say whether I was or wasn't even though I'm not. I had already gotten to the point where I didn't care for their approval anyway so it didn't bother me at all. I'm not one to discriminate either so that was a bonus.

Chrysalii · 05-28-2009, 07:31 AM

no, not really.
Then again, if I was gay they probably wouldn't think I was.

MavenMI6Agent009 · 05-28-2009, 07:33 AM

Ive been called gay before and very timid.

SoloSage · 05-28-2009, 07:45 AM

Yes, more times than I can count. It doesn't bother me that much though.

Zaleth · 05-28-2009, 10:44 AM

Have been called gay before by people from high school because I was apparently weird, never got any dates in highschool, did'nt talk much, and had longer hair than most guys from time to time. That's about it, really.

MrFrenz · 05-28-2009, 11:53 AM

I think I've been assumed to be gay by a lot of people.

Pretty sure the last girl that I went out with a couple times finally decided that I was gay and went for someone else. We would hang out and have a couple drinks and bull**** and I would just treat her like a friend. I don't know how to act any other way and not **** it up, so that's what I did. I never asked her about it directly, but it was kind of abrupt that I liked her so much and she seemed very playful and, in retrospect, interested. I just didn't know the next step.

That whole mind-blank thing in social situations I guess.

Also, when I started to hang around that girl many of my friends (some of whom I've known for years) seemed shocked that I like girls.

JS86 · 06-17-2009, 02:29 AM

I was labelled as gay by a couple of women quite a few years ago now. At the time I was very timid and really kept to myself. We were put into a random group for a class task (they were from another class, so I hadn't before or since had any more interaction with them and couldn't possibly remember what they looked like) and under one of their breaths they called me gay. They never said it to me, but it was clear to me what they said.

Someone Is Here · 06-17-2009, 03:02 AM

Yeah, happens to me all the time.

Even my therapists have asked me if I was gay, upon learning that I've never even been out on a date with a girl.

Try not to let it bother you.

Ospi · 06-17-2009, 03:21 AM

I think my father made a big sigh of relief when I finally brought home a gf after all these years, but I don't think there ever any real question about my sexuality.

RoninDistance · 06-17-2009, 05:22 AM

I know I'm not gay, but apparently, most of my family is not so sure.

05-27-2009, 12:33 AM	#23 (permalink)
joejoe Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: orange county, california Gender: Male Posts: 158	part of the reason I've escaped from most of my friends because I was tired of the accusations. in my instance I couldn't perform so I've been hiding for almost 10 years. doesn't seem to matter that you had a sexually active lifestyle with gf's in the past, a few years without one and you're deemed gay. its unfair, and has hurtful consequences with underlying comments, social gossip, social events. i'm hypersensitive to it right now. even when I would say no in a calm manner to questions, after 10 years of it, I wanted to punch them. it really took its toll. you're not the only one dude. __________________ "When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed wondering where my brother was."-- Mitch Hedberg

05-28-2009, 07:31 AM	#32 (permalink)
Chrysalii Status: Obscured By Clouds Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Baldwinsville, NY Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 1,503	no, not really. Then again, if I was gay they probably wouldn't think I was. __________________ R.I.P. Nibbles (Mid Summer 2003 - October 21, 2009) Good bye, my bunny, my friend.

05-28-2009, 07:33 AM	#33 (permalink)
MavenMI6Agent009 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: EL Crapo, Tx Gender: Male Posts: 13,625	Ive been called gay before and very timid. __________________ "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." (Henri Nouwen) -------------------------------------------------------

05-28-2009, 07:45 AM	#34 (permalink)
SoloSage Status: A Drifter Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: stuck in the decimal system Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 708	Yes, more times than I can count. It doesn't bother me that much though. __________________ Pure rationality, I'd say, is insane, given a human interpretation of the world - but rationality, by definition, is rational, so perhaps it's our humanity that's mad — Me My Fractured Philosophies—My Photography

05-26-2009, 09:50 PM	#21 (permalink)
whozthatgyrl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Dallas, TX Gender: Female Age: 38 Posts: 6	I've never been asked by friends or family if I was gay or not. However, I do have this fear that because I'm 38, haven't been married, and don't have kids, and pretty much all of my cousins around my age have done some of the above....I'm sure that rumor is floating around.

05-26-2009, 10:08 PM	#22 (permalink)
OptimisticPlatypus Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: NY Gender: Male Posts: 4	This is just one of a plethora of SA pitfalls. I am straight and lived a pretty upscale high school life, dating the cool, hot girls and captaining a few sports teams. Ahh, it was the life. Enter SA. I've been single for over four years now save a few flings but nothing close to serious. Of course, now, as my social life peels like an onion, I often get the "You gay dude?" The problem is that SA proliferates the very traits that are stereotyped as "gay." Sensitive, quiet, creative, and otherwise atypical. This is especially difficult as a male in an intensely hypermasculine society. Can you not be caring and straight? Can you not write short stories and poetry and advocate for the liberation of Darfur refugees without having homosexual tendencies. If this is so then I take it a compliment when asked "Are you gay?" These are qualities where qualities are few, or misconstrued, and I can live with that.

05-27-2009, 01:54 AM	#24 (permalink)
euphoria Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 1,649	Lots of people thought I was gay at times because I have a low sex drive (part of schizoid personality disorder). Girls always think I am oblivious to their emotions, which I'm not, it's just I don't particularly care. Thankfully this changes when I am on drugs.

05-27-2009, 03:16 PM	#25 (permalink)
Olazet91 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Screwville, US Gender: Female Posts: 376	This guy once asked me if I was gay cos I never dated or been in a relationship but really, how does that validate gayness? If I was going out with or flirting with people of the same sex then yeah, I could see why people might think I'm gay. I just think it's interesting how people assume that someone must be gay if they don't date or never been involved with anyone.

05-27-2009, 03:32 PM	#26 (permalink)
dawntoearth Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Boston Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 95	It's happened to me when I was young. I tend to feel more comfortable when I'm with one person as opposed to a group, and with girls as opposed to guys. But I actually came out a couple years ago so...it could be that

05-27-2009, 08:59 PM	#29 (permalink)
Cerrada Status: Here, there & everywhere Join Date: May 2009 Location: Georgia Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 141	My best friend and I used to hang out and have sleepovers a lot. Our parents thought we were lesbians. Her mom banned me from sleeping over at their house once because she walked in on me sleeping in my friend's bed. (The only reason I did is because I was afraid to sleep in their guest room because one time I slept over and overheard her mom and her husband going at it lol) Even after I got a boyfriend everyone still thought that we were gay. Even my own boyfriend (ex now). But my grandma thought I was a lesbian because I never have a boyfriend and I'm always hanging around girls....and they never have boyfriends either. It's not my fault I'm lame. :/

05-27-2009, 11:25 PM	#30 (permalink)
Gotanonymous Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Oklahoma Gender: Male Age: 20 Posts: 87	Yeah, I'm pretty sure my whole family and everyone at work thinks I'm gay. I don't like that.. I am kind of gay, but I'm not attracted to outspoken gays, so I don't want to attract them by being outspoken myself . In other words, I don't want to label myself "gay," but I'm not really straight enough to fool anyone by acting like "one of the guys". Basically, if I was an outspoken gay, I would turn down every gay guy who made moves on me, to the point that people would start asking "Are you even really gay?" It's better like it is now, where no one tries to make moves .. I would prefer gays who were still "in the closet"..

05-28-2009, 07:13 AM	#31 (permalink)
poisonedspirit Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 56	People teased me about being gay at work. To be honest I didn't say whether I was or wasn't even though I'm not. I had already gotten to the point where I didn't care for their approval anyway so it didn't bother me at all. I'm not one to discriminate either so that was a bonus.

05-28-2009, 10:44 AM	#35 (permalink)
Zaleth Status: hack cough gack Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Ontario Gender: Male Posts: 483	Have been called gay before by people from high school because I was apparently weird, never got any dates in highschool, did'nt talk much, and had longer hair than most guys from time to time. That's about it, really.

05-28-2009, 11:53 AM	#36 (permalink)
MrFrenz Status: Poster of Random Nothings Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 46	I think I've been assumed to be gay by a lot of people. Pretty sure the last girl that I went out with a couple times finally decided that I was gay and went for someone else. We would hang out and have a couple drinks and bull** and I would just treat her like a friend. I don't know how to act any other way and not ** it up, so that's what I did. I never asked her about it directly, but it was kind of abrupt that I liked her so much and she seemed very playful and, in retrospect, interested. I just didn't know the next step. That whole mind-blank thing in social situations I guess. Also, when I started to hang around that girl many of my friends (some of whom I've known for years) seemed shocked that I like girls.

06-17-2009, 02:29 AM	#37 (permalink)
JS86 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 310	I was labelled as gay by a couple of women quite a few years ago now. At the time I was very timid and really kept to myself. We were put into a random group for a class task (they were from another class, so I hadn't before or since had any more interaction with them and couldn't possibly remember what they looked like) and under one of their breaths they called me gay. They never said it to me, but it was clear to me what they said.

06-17-2009, 03:02 AM	#38 (permalink)
Someone Is Here Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 66	Yeah, happens to me all the time. Even my therapists have asked me if I was gay, upon learning that I've never even been out on a date with a girl. Try not to let it bother you.

06-17-2009, 03:21 AM	#39 (permalink)
Ospi Status: Swoit Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brisbane, Australia Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 1,499	I think my father made a big sigh of relief when I finally brought home a gf after all these years, but I don't think there ever any real question about my sexuality.

06-17-2009, 05:22 AM	#40 (permalink)
RoninDistance Status: Back Alley Space Boy Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 330	I know I'm not gay, but apparently, most of my family is not so sure.